Gateways

War Costs = $1.6 Trillion

2007-11-13T14:21:00.000-07:00

WASHINGTON (CNN) -- The total economic impact of the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan is estimated at $1.6 trillion by 2009, a congressional committee said in a report released Tuesday.

A soldier with the 101st Airborne Division guards an oil refinery near Baiji, Iraq.

1 of 2 That is nearly double the $804 billion in direct war costs that the White House already has requested so far from Congress, the Democratically-controlled Joint Economic Committee said.

The total war costs could grow to $3.5 trillion by 2017, the committee estimated.

The higher total economic impact comes from, among other things, the cost of borrowing money to pay for the war, the lost productivity due to that borrowing, higher oil prices, and the cost of taking care of wounded veterans, the committee said.

The committee calculated that the average cost of both wars for a family of four would be $20,900 from 2002 to 2008. The cost for a family of four would go up to $46,400 from 2002 to 2017, the committee said.

"For every dollar we spend directly in Iraq, we're going to pay another dollar for the indirect, but immediate, costs of the war," Sen. Charles Schumer, D-New York, said. "We of the baby boom generation and our children and grandchildren will be paying for this war for a very long time to come."

"We cannot afford this war -- $12 billion dollars a month?" Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid, D-Nevada, said. "We just can't. We can't continue." ...

Read the rest of the article here...

6 seconds

2007-11-05T12:24:00.000-07:00

I've decided to name the Service Learning Elective "6 seconds", a reference to the generally accepted time which elapses between when two children die of hunger or hunger related illness. I like it.

I made a video presentation of the elective this morning and showed it to our entire school. I think it made a big impact. Since I made it in PowerPoint, I have yet to figure out how to get it into a movie file, but once I do, I will post it here.

The process of putting together this class has already moved me profoundly. I can't wait to see what happens when we actually put it all together.

Innocent...

2007-10-25T17:35:00.000-06:00

Innocence.Freedom. I admit, I take it for granted. This man doesn't anymore. He was locked up for 22 years and he didn't do it! Click here for how he found Jesus through it all..

a lot to learn

2007-10-23T17:18:00.001-06:00

As I prepare to lead a course on Service Learning as it relates to poverty and hunger, I realize just how unprepared I am to take on such an endeavor. I have decided to call the class - "taking on poverty one step at a time." I'm not promising to eradicate poverty or to end hunger worldwide, vis a vis Bono. I'm hopelessly unprepared to do such a thing. I'm not promising to become a micro loan master. I'm far too ignorant to do such a thing. I'm not promising to change the world. I'm far too small to be such a change.

I do hope I can change one kid or rather one small group of kids. I hope I can challenge my class of 40 to do something about it, not just to talk but to act. And, in that, I promise to act. There is far too little time in our world not to act - I talk way too much.

If you are reading this and you have a moment on your hands, will you please pray for me as I take on this endeavor that I would be a beacon of light...? I am scared to act. I am scared of poverty and of hunger and even of myself. I am scared of trying to teach kids in a public school about the need to take action in a seemingly hopeless world. I am scared that I will let others down. I am scared that I will let Jesus down.

I think this is why I loved the "ray of hope" story in my previous post so much. Jason Ray reminded me so much of Jesus. It's simple really - he died so that others may live, and thus truly lived. It's a great story.

I'm not looking for greatness. I'm just looking to follow what I believe, to act. And it's hard.

A Tear and a Cry

2007-10-15T14:00:00.000-06:00

Check this link out. This is a truly amazing piece and if you have kids, be forewarned... you will need a Kleenex. And if you don't have kids, heed the first warning. Wow.

Just click here - picture not working.

Education for the Educator

2007-10-15T13:57:00.000-06:00

glumbert - A Vision of Students Today

Service Learning...

2007-10-11T14:54:00.000-06:00

So, in about six weeks, I start teaching my first class - Service Learning at the Denver School of Science and Technology. I will be leading two classes on a journey to explore poverty in our world and more importantly what we can do about it. I hope not only to educate these high school students but to motive them to act. And, in fact, we will be doing various service projects throughout the next few months culminating in a trip to somewhere like New Orleans or Mexico to do work with the poor.

Needless to say, I'm super excited about the possibilities.

I was reading Ecclesiastes this morning and noticed something very real and powerful to where I'm at in my life right now. It refers to the idea that life is not fair. And it isn't. As Bono would say, "Why should an accident of latitude and longitude determine why; where or not you live or you die?" Solomon seems to be asking the same thing. He toils and labors and works, but the reward is not always reachable. It isn't fair.

The poor seem to know the feeling.

Often, I get the idea that people can get out. If they would just "X" then "Y" can happen. But, it's not always true. "X" for many of us is achievable, but for the 2.5 Billion people who live in poverty, maybe it's not. Yet, what can we do to help, to change, to influence, to affect...?

There is something else meaningless that occurs on earth: righteous men who get what the wicked deserve, and wicked men who get what the righteous deserve. This too, I say, is meaningless. Ecc 8:14

These are the questions with which I will challenge my students and myself.

A New Post - and maybe more

2007-09-18T17:15:00.000-06:00

I haven't blogged in a long time, but I think I might get back into it... here's a start from my family's recent trip to the heart of the Rocky Mountains...

A beautiful speech...

2007-08-06T10:57:00.000-06:00

I haven't posted in nearly 5 months... but I was reading this speech and it brought me to tears...this is truly beautiful from a redeemed man...

MICHAEL IRVIN's HALL OF FAME SPEECH

Thank you. Father, I'd like to thank you for allowing us all to travel here safely, thank you in advance for the same in allowing us to travel home.

Father, thank you for the man that you sent me to help me in Bishop T.D. Jakes, my spiritual father. I ask you now to put your arms around my Hall of Fame classmate Gene Hickerson and his family. Father, hold them tight and love them right. In Jesus' name, I pray, amen.

Thank you.

I want to send a special love to all the people in Dallas, Texas, special love to all the Dallas Cowboy fans all over the world. Special love goes to my hometown of South Florida and all the Miami Hurricane fans, St. Thomas Aquinas fans.

I want to send love to every fan everywhere because you hear so often that people say, Oh, these are the guys that built the game. No. It's your hunger and your love for the game, your love for what we do that make this game what it is. I thank you for loving the game like we love it.

Jerry, those were kind words. Thank you. You know, when I first met Jerry he had just purchased the Dallas Cowboys. He had a bit of a concerned look on his face. I said to him, I said, We will have fun and we will win Super Bowls. You see, I knew Jerry had put all he had into purchasing the Cowboys. That's the way I see Jerry. He's a man that's willing to give all he has and all he wants to bring the Cowboy family Super Bowls.

Jerry, I appreciate your commitment to family, the Dallas Cowboy family and your own family. He has a beautiful wife, Jean. I tell her this. I just love her to death. Her spirit exudes beauty. Her mannerisms exude class. She's one of a kind. Jean, I do love you.

They have beautiful kids, daughter Charlotte, son Steven and Jerry, Jr. Each have played a role in my life and I thank all of them.

A heartfelt thank you to the selection committee, especially Rick Gosselin and Charean Williams. Charean is the first woman to have a seat on the selection committee. Charean, congratulations to you.

These gentlemen behind me, these men, they inspired me to become the player that I became. As I spent this week with these gentlemen that I've admired growing up, I kept thinking about how gifted they are. Man, they're gifted to run and cut, gifted to throw and catch, gifted to run through blocks and make great tackles.

And then I met their wives and their families and I realized that it's not only about the gift God gave us, but equally important is the help that God gave us. It's the people that God put in place to support us on our journey. So I will try to put the credit in the right place tonight and share with you my help and my journey.

I thank God for the help of my father Walter Irvin, whom I lost at the age of 17. He was my hero and he loved, I'm telling you, he loved the Dallas Cowboys. I woke up this morning smiling knowing that my father had not be here in the flesh but that he is in heaven watching and celebrating with his all time favorite coach, Coach Tom Landry.

Also Tex Schamm, Derrick Shepard and Mark Tuinei. Those guys, we think about them here, we feel them here. They will always be with us.

Before my father made his journey to heaven I sat with him. His final words to me were, Promise me you will take care of your mother. She's a good woman. As you've heard, my mother raised 17 children, most of whom are here tonight. There were challenges. But she would never complain. She always walked around the house and said, God has promised me that my latter days will be better than my former days. My mom and my Aunt Fanny, her oldest sister, they are part of my travel squad now.

As we travel, all they want is a nice room and an open tab on room service. When my workday is done I get to come by their room and we tell stories and we laugh and we have fun. We always end the night with them telling me, Baby, this is what God meant when he said, Our latter days will be better than our former days.

I can't tell you how it makes me feel to know that God uses me to deliver His promise. I love you, mom. I love you, Aunt Fanny.

For better or for worse, those are the vows we take before God in marriage. It's easy to live with the for better, but rarely can you find someone who sticks around and endures the for worse. Sandy, my beautiful wife, I have worked tirelessly, baby, to give you the for better. But I also gave you the for worse, and you didn't deserve it. You didn't deserve it.

But through it all I experienced the depth of your love and I thank God for you. I love the mother that you are, the wife that you are, I love the way that you take care of our family, our daughters Myesha and Chelsea, and our sons Michael and Elijah. I thank you from a place that I can't mention, I can't even express, baby, for keeping our family together. I love you so much.

My football family, as Jerry told you, began at St. Thomas Aquinas High School under the wise tutelage of a great coach named George Smith. George Smith dedicated 37 years to that great program. He's a great man. I thank all the people at St. Thomas for believing in a young man like me.

And then I went on to the University of Miami. I think most of y'all know how I feel about the U. Yeah, the U. You better believe it. After that I was drafted by the Dallas Cowboys where I played and worked with some of the best to ever be around this game. For example, Emmitt Smith. Emmitt Smith is the all time leading rusher.

The great thing about that, his rookie year he said to me he was going to become the all time leading rusher. I doubted him like I think everybody would have. But what an inspiration to be in a room and see a man set a goal so high and then be persistent, be dedicated, and accomplish that which he set out to accomplish. Emmitt, you're an inspiration to so many.

The third part and the third member The Triplets is Troy Aikman. My quarterback, our leader. Troy Aikman led us to three Super Bowls. When I said "led," I mean led, to three Super Bowls. He's the winningest quarterback in the decade of the '90s. If you talk to him and you ask him what's his most memorable game, he will tell you that '94 NFC Championship game that everybody's talking about.

It's a game we were down by 21 and we lost, but we never gave up. That's the mark of a true leader. All he wants is for each player to give all he has all the time. That's Troy Aikman.

That game is one of my most memorable games for all those reasons, but it had a little something extra for me. We were down 21. Troy came to that huddle with those big blue eyes and he looked up and he said, Hey, I'm coming to you no matter what. Whew, let me tell you. As a wide receiver, that's all I ever wanted to hear. Just come to me no matter what. And he did, he did. He came to me no matter what.

But, Troy, you've always come to me no matter what, and I'm not just talking about on the football field. For that, you have a special place in my heart. You always will no matter what. I love you, Troy. I love you deeply.

As The Triplets, we received most of the press, the credit. But we were surrounded with some great guys, great players, talented guys. Guys like Darren Woodson, Dallas Cowboys all time leading tackle. My Cowboy counterpart Jay Novacek, what a great tight end he is. Daryl Johnston, the unsung hero, Moose. Larry Allen and Eric Williams are two of the better linemen, if not the best linemen, to ever play this game. The big fella, Nate Newton. Jim Jeffcoat. And one of the best cornerbacks and the finest athlete I've ever been around, that's Deion Sanders, Prime Time.

So, so many more.

You can't accomplish what we've accomplished with just great players. You also need great coaches. And we had that. We had guys like Norv Turner, Dave Wannstedt, Dave Campo. My position coach, coach Hubbard Alexander, who is my heart. Coach, you took me as a young man out of high school, and I know I gave you a lot of mess through the years. Thank you for being there, Coach. And our head coach, he had always be my head coach, that's Jimmy Johnson.

We worked hard. We had the best, and I'm telling you the very best, and I'm willing to take an argument with anybody on this, strength and conditioning coach in the world. His name is Mike Warsick. He has six Super Bowl rings. Six, people. Twice he has won three Super Bowls in four years, once with us and now with the New England Patriots. So if anybody wants to take an argument, I am a debater. I am here and ready.

Mike Warsick, you are, man, the very best. You put me back together from that knee injury. As we always tell each other when we say good bye, MissPaw (phonetic), which means may God hold you till we see each other again.

I also walked on campus at the University of Miami the same day with our PR director, Rich Dalrymple. I know some of you are saying it's fitting that you are tight with the PR director, Michael. But Rich has been a great friend. When I walk in his office now Rich has a picture of us. He has pictures of us at the University of Miami with this nice beautiful black hair, and then he has pictures of us now when he's all gray.

He says to me all the time, You see these gray hairs? I say, Yeah. He says, You gave them to me. I tell him, I say, Well, you see those four championship rings you have? I gave them to you, too.

I have experienced all this game has to offer on the football field, the losing, going 3 13, even 1 15. In my second season the career threatening knee injury, thinking I would never play this game that I love again. And even in 1999, the career ending neck injury. That which football players fear the most.

But I've also had some beautiful victories. We won three Super Bowls in four years. I can't tell you what that feels like. And we did it with guys that we loved to play with and guys that we loved. Folks, I'm telling you, that's the true essence of a football family, and that's exactly what we are not was what we are. I love all of those guys that I played with.

Since retiring I have developed a deeper awareness and understanding for this game. First as a fan and then as an analyst. That is why I've learned it's so much more than merely a game. Thanks to ESPN. Thank you, ESPN, for giving me the opportunity to travel to NFL stadiums throughout this country, visiting with fans, and seeing this game from a completely different perspective.

The movie, Remember the Titans, is my favorite movie, staring Denzel Washington. I love the way in this movie the game of football brings those boys together, it unites those boys on that football field. It unites a whole town, black, white, old, young, rich and poor. It happens every year around this time in NFL locker rooms and NFL stadiums. So don't tell me it's just a game.

My favorite day was Monday, September the 25th, 2006. New Orleans, Louisiana, site of the Superdome. I watched our people who had suffered so grievously through Hurricane Katrina fill a stadium hours before a game and stay hours after the game. I witnessed those fans as they looked for each other, hugged one another and just be thankful to be in that stadium.

You see the game flexed its greatest muscle that day: the ability to heal. I experienced a football game that contributed to the healing of a city. So don't tell me it's just a game.

You know the Bible speaks of a healing place. It's called a threshing floor. The threshing floor is where you take your greatest fear and you pray for help from your great God. I want to share something with you today. I have two sons. Michael, he's 10, and Elijah, he's 8. Michael and Elijah, could you guys stand up for me. That's my heart right there. That's my heart. When I am on that threshing floor, I pray. I say, God, I have my struggles and I made some bad decisions, but whatever you do, whatever you do, don't let me mess this up.

I say, Please, help me raise them for some young lady so that they can be a better husband than I. Help me raise them for their kids so that they could be a better father than I. And I tell you guys to always do the right thing so you can be a better role model than dad. I sat right here where you are last year and I watched the Class of 2006: Troy Aikman, Warren Moon, Harry Carson, Rayfield Wright, John Madden, and the late great Reggie White represented by his wife Sara White. And I said, Wow, that's what a Hall of Famer is.

Certainly I am not that. I doubted I would ever have the chance to stand before you today. So when I returned home, I spoke with Michael and Elijah . I said, That's how you do it, son. You do it like they did it. Michael asked, he said, Dad, do you ever think we will be there? And I didn't know how to answer that. And it returned me to that threshing floor. This time I was voiceless, but my heart cried out. God, why must I go through so many peaks and valleys?

I wanted to stand in front of my boys and say, Do it like your dad, like any proud dad would want to. Why must I go through so much?

At that moment a voice came over me and said, Look up, get up, and don't ever give up. You tell everyone or anyone that has ever doubted, thought they did not measure up or wanted to quit, you tell them to look up, get up and don't ever give up.

Thank you and may God bless you.

Transcript provided by the Pro Football Hall of Fame

Asher is 2

2007-04-06T11:07:00.000-06:00

we do not peddle the Word

2007-03-05T13:48:00.001-07:00

The Book in Candlelight
Originally uploaded by Photo Doocker.

In step with my recent post about the vision of the church, i was thinking more about my own perspectives both past and present about... well, about church.

the vision

2007-03-01T12:35:00.001-07:00

Sensation White Edition 2006 Amsterdam
Originally uploaded by Cngz D.

I've been reflecting a lot lately on the Vision of the church and how I've seen it or not seen it over the years. I spent a lot of time thinking about vision when helping at the Zolder and at various other stages of my life.

Man made. I'm realizing how man made my view of vision can be. God made. My vision is exactly that, mine. But there is another. It's God's. It's been here for a long time and I'm not really sure why I or anyone else for that matter feels like we have to come up with some crazy vision for the church. It's already in writing. It's on paper. We don't need marketing or some sort of slick verbage trying to explain it any further. It's here...

Revelation 7:9-17

The Great Multitude in White Robes

After this I looked and there before me was a great multitude that no one could count, from every nation, tribe, people and language, standing before the throne and in front of the Lamb. They were wearing white robes and were holding palm branches in their hands. And they cried out in a loud voice:

"Salvation belongs to our God,
who sits on the throne,
and to the Lamb."

All the angels were standing around the throne and around the elders and the four living creatures. They fell down on their faces before the throne and worshiped God, saying:

"Amen!
Praise and glory
and wisdom and thanks and honor
and power and strength
be to our God for ever and ever.
Amen!"

Then one of the elders asked me, "These in white robes—who are they, and where did they come from?"

I answered, "Sir, you know."

And he said, "These are they who have come out of the great tribulation; they have washed their robes and made them white in the blood of the Lamb. Therefore,

"they are before the throne of God
and serve him day and night in his temple;
and he who sits on the throne will spread his tent over them.
Never again will they hunger;
never again will they thirst.
The sun will not beat upon them,
nor any scorching heat.
For the Lamb at the center of the throne will be their shepherd;
he will lead them to springs of living water.
And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes."

There it is - the vision. Of course there are a number of ways in which we can accomplish this vision, which all, by the way, start and end with Jesus. I'm kicking myself though. Why have I been trying to come up with something on my own. It's right in front of us all the time.

Every nation. Every culture. Every language. Every color. Washed in the blood of the Lamb. Life forever.

Global Warming and God

2007-02-28T13:30:00.000-07:00

I was reading this article on Global Warming, which started like this...

New alarms are rung on perils of global warming
The Associated Press
Published: February 27, 2007

UNITED NATIONS, New York: To head off the worst of climate change, governments must pour tens of billions of dollars more than they are into clean- energy research and enforce sharp rollbacks in fossil-fuel emissions, a scientific panel reported to the United Nations on Tuesday.

The United Nations itself must better prepare to help tens of millions of "environmental refugees," the panel said, and the authorities everywhere should discourage new building on land less than one meter, or 39 inches, above sea level.

The 166-page report, two years in the making, forecasts a turbulent 21st century of rising seas, spreading drought and disease, weather extremes, and damage to farming, forests, fisheries and other economic areas.

"The challenge of halting climate change is one to which civilization must rise," said the panel of 18 scientists from 11 nations...

I've been following Global Warming, much like many others, over the months and can't help but to think it's important. Very important. It is a problem to which "civilization must rise up" as the article says. Rise up.

I don't have a lot of conclusions just yet, but I'm quite certain that God created the Earth and put Man in charge of taking care of the Earth. Somehow, when we destroy the Earth through industry and complacency and apathy, we are hurting God. I've come across a new thing I hadn't thought of before as well - how does Global Warming affect or will it affect Global Hunger...? I know Bono is doing some work in this area and so are others, but again, I don't know enough about it yet.

Think about it though, if creation is groaning (see Romans 8:22) both inwardly and outwardly for redemption, there must be some part of that which means we have to RISE UP. More on this later.

the memories of culture

2007-02-27T17:03:00.001-07:00

Amsterdam Market
Originally uploaded by Photo Doocker.

Jayla just forwarded me this wonderful explanation of what its like for someone with a global mind, someone who thinks and breathers globally...

"To the extent we identify with people of another culture and become global, we find ourselves alienated from our kinsmen and friends in our homeland. It is a basic difference in how we now look at things. We have moved from a philosophy that assumes uniformity to one that has to cope with variety, and our old friends often don't understand us when we return.

In one sense, global people never fully adjust to one culture, there own or their adopted one. Within themselves they are part of both. When abroad they dream of their home country, and need little rituals that reaffirm this part of themselves-a food package, a letter, a visitor. When in their home country, they dream of their adopted country, and need little rituals that reaffirm this part of themselves-a visitor from that country, a meal, etc. Global people seem happiest when they are flying from one country to another."

It really hit home for us as just last night we were thinking about how wonderful some of the Dutch culture is and how we miss it. It is a beautiful thing to enjoy so much about the world and to think about culture and God and world redemption in the same breath. It is the breath of like in fact, and for me it is all there is. So long as I only think of my world, I am doomed to myself.

Cool Links

2007-02-24T10:16:00.000-07:00

Surface Below

My good friend Ross is currently travelling through Africa and India photographing children as part of a mission from Children's Relief International and other organizations. His pictures and stories are wonderful. And did I mention his pictures... remember his name cause I think we'll be seeing some of Ross's images grace the covers of many prominent news publications in the years to come.

Cambodia: A Poster Child for Modern-Day Slavery

This is an amazing article from World Vision about the a young girl in Cambodia, sold into slavery, raped and beaten and now on the road to recovery. It is a tragic and heroic story at the same time.

Did they find Jesus' grave...?

This documentary by James Cameron, which will play on the Discovery Channel soon is trying to link an archaeological find to Jesus burial place. Should be interesting...

Peep

2007-02-21T12:03:00.001-07:00

Asher_yummmmm
Originally uploaded by Photo Doocker.

Our good friend Patricia stayed overnight with us last night. She was on her way back to Amsterdam after spenind the past few weeks in Colorado and Arizona visiting some people and skiing. It was great to see her, get updates on Amsterdam, learn about what life looks like for her and various other things.

But, perhaps the best part was how much Asher loved on "P & co" as she is referred to by some of us. Asher just called her "Peep." He really enjoyed playing with her and even wanted to wake her up this morning. It was so, so cute. He just kept yelling "PEEP! PEEP!" "Richia friend!" So, I hope Peep is off and flying and is safe on her way back to Amsterdam.

fly on the wall

2007-02-20T18:18:00.001-07:00

fly on the wall
Originally uploaded by Photo Doocker.

My ears keep ringing with the sounds of revolution. It's as if I am but a fly on the wall of God's plan with Jesus. I don't mean this in a self-inflating way or a self-absorbing way, but more like - wow, I'm starting to get it... it's just that I don't quite understand my role to play just yet. I hear certain words ringing in my ears...

REVOLUTION

REDEMPTION

RESTORATION

REVITALIZATION

Over and over they ring. They ring day and night. There is a revolution going on as Chuck D would say, now it's time to figure out what part to play.

up for a different challenge

2007-02-20T16:56:00.000-07:00

I just read this crazy article about three guys crossing the Sahara Desert by foot in 111 days... that's the equivalent of about 50 miles a day. Don't get me wrong, but this is nuts. Endurance. Determination. Wow. Here's the link...

http://sports.espn.go.com/sports/news/story?id=2772368

Up for a challenge

2007-02-15T10:16:00.000-07:00

I copied this article from Rick Reilly, who writes for Sports Illustrated (and who also helped start Nothing But Nets, to help fund malaria nets for kids in Africa, which is also supported by the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation) because it is so powerful - a great read...

You up for a challenge?

I'm going to tell you about five young Americans at the peak of their athletic lives. Your job is to guess how all five lives came together in the past month.

One. As usual, Elizabeth Loncki is acting very unladylike, just the way she likes it. It's 2001, she's 18 and she's challenging her dad to a push-up contest. He just did 50, but now Elizabeth is hitting 51.

He could've done 100, and she would've done 101. That's how she is. A 5'5" Energizer Bunny, she's the furnace that heats the volleyball team at Padua Academy in Wilmington, Del. She's the darling of the weight room wherever she works out, spotting guys twice her size.

She also reads to shut-ins and runs errands for seniors. And seems like twice a week, she'll get up early so she can get balloons for somebody at school. Just don't try calling her "sweet."

Two. Brian (Cap'n) Freeman is about to become one of the best in the world at something he never thought he'd even try -- bobsledding.

A burly brakeman from the virtually snowless town of Temecula, Calif., Freeman digs in, grunts and pushes the U.S. to a bronze medal at the 2002 America's Cup in Lake Placid, N.Y. But Freeman isn't just the piston for his sled team, he's also the soul of it -- willing to push for drivers other than his own, just to give them a chance to develop with a few more runs. "A total team guy," says Steven Holcomb, the current World Cup bobsled points leader. "I wouldn't be where I am today without Brian."

Three. If you'd been there when Shawn Falter was a toddler, with those massive braces on both legs, you wouldn't believe what you're seeing now, as the senior leads his 1998-99 Homer (N.Y.) High basketball team. No longer pigeon-toed, he's blocking shots, rebounding like a man on a caffeine drip, scoring when it's needed and setting up teammates the rest of the time.

That's nothing. You should see him on the football field, scoring TDs at tight end and trying to decapitate receivers at safety. And all while being skinnier than a one-iron.

"All heart," marvels Jeff Tabel, who was his hoops coach. "Born to lead."

Four. Luis Castillo isn't just a good wrestler, he's the captain of the 2003-04 team at Mattawan (Mich.) High. Wait! He's not just the captain, he's the winner of the team's leadership award.

And wrestling is only where it starts. He's a break-dancing, bungee-jumping, joke-telling machine in a crew cut. "The all-American kid," the grown-ups call him. And it makes you wonder: How many people know he was born in Mexico?

Five. It's 2000, and 17-year-old Jason Corbett takes his mark at the ancient Panathenaic Stadium in Athens. The timer is ready and -- bang! -- Corbett's off. Of course, there's no official time for his run because there's nobody in the stands and it's his buddy holding the watch.

He's not in a track meet, he's on a trip with some Casper, Wyo., high school classmates. But, hey, that's not going to stop Corbett from running or having a good time. Nothing stops Corbett. He swallows life whole -- track, snowboarding, fly-fishing and hunting. The kid has all the warning signs of a thrillaholic and loves anything to do with the outdoors. Maybe that's why he ended up in the only place big enough for him: Alaska.

So what do these five athletes have in common? They were all killed in Iraq during a two-week period in January.

Air Force Senior Airman Loncki, 23, was killed by a car bomb near Al-Mahmudiyah.

Army Captain Freeman, 31, was killed by insurgents disguised as American soldiers in Karbala.

Army Private First Class Falter, 25, died as a result of that same ambush.

Marine Lance Corporal Castillo, 20, died from wounds suffered while on patrol in Al Anbar province.

Army Specialist Corbett, 23, died of injuries from small-arms fire suffered while on patrol in Karmah.

Five athletes. Five futures. All gone.

Five of 84 Americans killed from New Year's Day through Sunday. Five of 3,084 Americans killed since the war began.

Athletes love teams, and when they run out of sports teams they sometimes join bigger teams, ones with Humvees for huddles and tombstones for trophies and coaches they've never met sending them into a hell they never imagined.

And they throw their whole selves into it anyway, because they are brave and disciplined and will chew through concrete to win the game.

But what if the game can't be won?

my giving lacks

2007-02-13T13:29:00.001-07:00

thy kingdom come
Originally uploaded by Photo Doocker.

Our desire is not that others might be relieved while you are hard pressed, but that there might be equality. At the present time your plenty will supply what they need, so that in turn their plenty will supply what you need. Then there will be equality, as it is written: "He who gathered much did not have too much, and he who gathered little did not have too little." (2 Corinthians 8:13-15)

As I've been wrestling through my life over the past months and especially weeks, I've been challenged to see where I really give my heart, my knees and my resources. Well... challenged is an understatement.

My heart is often at work or on my bike. My knees are hardly broken and rarely kneel before God. And my resources - I give when it's convenient and timely, and I feel pretty good about myself, but the reality is my resources are still mine. Me. Me. Me.

And yet my heart longs for so much more. It longs for a richness and fullness that can only be found in the generosity of allowing the gifts of God to pass through me. And my knees are made to bend and fall before God - I can feel it as if feeling the ache of your bones on a rainy day. I numb myself to the ache of prayer by popping pills of self-reliance and self-help. And the resources at my disposal are so often just that, my resources. The reality is so far from my reality. My soul yearns for more.

Give me neither poverty nor riches. But give me only my daily bread. Otherwise, I may have too much and disown you and say, ‘Who is the LORD?’ Or I may become poor and steal, and so dishonor the name of my God. (Proverbs 30:8-9)

I'm helpless.

I'm a product of greed.

I'm a slave to want.

Scripture explains something else. And I'm being challenged to break the chains of selfishness and the cycle of self-indulgence to instead rely upon God, to trust in God, to seek hard after God, to commune with God, to be generous like God, to love like Jesus. I'm so far away.

Equality. Everyone has enough, so nobody needs and nobody wants.

Generosity. Give and given to.

Love. Take care and be taken care of.

It's funny because things seem to be falling into place around me. My friends are moved by similar thoughts and ideas. Brian is investigating the Harvest Farm. Joe wants to meet with me about communal living. Todd is preaching of Generosity in Community. Seth is dreaming of urban farming solutions. Lee wants redemption via house communities. Drew is learning to lead through fatherhood. Maybe you have amazing stories...

Revolution is everywhere. Redemption is on the move. Revitalization is around the corner.

Changed by children

2007-02-12T13:48:00.001-07:00

U2 Declaration of Human Rights
Originally uploaded by Photo Doocker.

Jayla and I were riding home from Fort Collins last night talking about our dreams and desires. What are the needs in the world that drive us emotionally...? What are our dreams to fulfill those needs...? What resources do we need to help...? How can we help...?

One thing became very clear to me... we are both concerned and moved and affected and challenged by the children of the world. We see so many needs - education, water, extreme poverty, sickness, AIDS... the list goes on. Since having Asher and now another baby on the way, we have both become hyper sensitive to the needs of children in our world.

And I think of the UN's Declaration of Human Rights and I think of the massive abouts of child abuse every day... children are abused in almost any and every possible way, imaginable and unimaginable, intentionally and unintentionally.

They are sold as sex slaves

They are traded for food.

They are used as human shields.

They are forced into labor.

They are brainwashed to fight in militias and gangs.

Something must be done. How...? How...? How...? How will Jayla and I get involved. This is yet to be seen, but we know it starts in our own hearts and own home. It starts with how we raise our own children and how we honor God in doing so. We will follow Him, for he tells us in James 1:27 that "Pure and undefiled religion in the sight of our God and Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their distress, and to keep oneself unstained by the world."

And then I read this article on CNN today about Child Soldiers, it's worth the read. And I read about how almost 1000 children die every hour from hunger related issues. And I read about how 9 year old girls can make thousands of dollars a month as sex slaves in Thailand. And I read about how children are kidnapped and caged and starved in my own backyard.

Our children. Why do we do what we do to our children...? My heart breaks every time. What will we do to make a change...? How will we help...? How will we remain unstained...? The answers will come.

PhotoFriday

2007-02-09T16:36:00.001-07:00

Beach Huts - Holland
Originally uploaded by Photo Doocker.

I don't even know what PhotoFriday is, but I saw that the theme was "sky" so I picked a picture of the sky.

As per any photo though, I'm reminded of my memories when I see this pic. I took it while vacationing in Texel (Northeastern tip of Holland) with my wife and our great friends Seth and Kathryn. We rode bikes all around, eat great meals, hung out, drank some good beers and just plain enjoyed each other.

I'd say if there was one thing - one thing - that has been hardest about where we live today, it's that I don't have any "heart" friends too close. I mean, I have Cole and Joe and Brian and they are indeed such friends, but they are an hour away. Indeed, an hour is not so bad, but it's not so close either. I miss having friends like Seth and Todd and Theo and Brian and Joe and Lee Steef and Cole and Mike and Matt and Mac and Drew and Jurren and Justin and Sam and Jonas and others close by - I mean like within a few minutes. These are great friends. True friends. Amazing friends. These are the friends who live in so many memories.

a great beer

2007-02-08T16:45:00.001-07:00

a great beer
Originally uploaded by Photo Doocker.

I didn't have anything particularly fun to post about today, so... I was sitting hear at work quite parched actually, when the thought came to me...

ahhhhh.... beer.

And as any normal human being would do, I started dreaming about what kind of beer I would have right now if I could have anything I wanted. I thought of New Belgium Fat Tire and of Sam Smiths Nut Brown Ale and of Bridgeport IPA and I thought of Palm Speciale. I like Palm. I think I like it just as much for the memories as for the beer itself, but anything with a memory tastes better.

So, this one goes out to Seth and Sam - two of my favorite people to share a Palm with - Prost!

the earth and hunger

2007-02-07T16:50:00.001-07:00

Sunset in Holland Canals
Originally uploaded by Photo Doocker.

I remember the night vividly. We were 'sailing' with the de Groots on their boat (The Orinoco) through some of the famous Dutch canalways that run pretty much through the entire North of the country. It is an amazing maze of water connecting little towns with small towns with bustling towns with sleeping towns. Great stuff with great friends. We make a BBQ and ate like kings - it is a wonderful memory.

And with that memory also comes a very vivid additional memory. It is the memory of gnats, millions of them. Millions upon millions of tiny, biting, feasting bugs. They were everywhere. We were swatting, hitting and waving at them with everything we could pick up. To no avail. And I remember this guy on the boat next to ours laughing. He wan't laughing so much at us and with us. It must have been comical I admit. But, the bugs - there were so many. We were defenseless but to go inside the cabin of the boat and drink wine and sink our teeth into delectable cheese (which I guess isn't so bad.)

And it reminded me of God - everything is His, the Earth and everything on it and in it and under it and around it. It's amazing really. Even those stupid little biting gnats play a role and they are His. I'm not sure why, but they are still His.

I have to be honest with you. I can't comprehend it. I write about it but I can't comprehend it.

I wonder if part of why I can't comprehend it is because us Humans have abused it all so much.

4000 children die every day from diarrhea.

16,000 children die every day from hunger related causes.

4.3 Million people contracted AIDS last year.

ExxonMobil made $39.5 Billion in profit last year. Profit!!!!!!

$11Million is spent per hour on the war in Iraq.

I'm not saying that all war is inherently wrong or that corporate greed is the only problem in our world. But you tell me - what is wrong with this picture...? When almost 1000 children die every day from hunger, a lot of which is caused by war and corporate greed, something is wrong. Is this a picture of the Garden... of the Creation... of paradise...?

I'm afraid of the answer. I'm afraid of my response. Are you...?

Excessive Flatulence

2007-02-06T16:02:00.000-07:00

It's true. I have gas. A lot of it.

I have so much that I decided I needed to start doing some research on it. I've been bloated and in significant discomfort lately. Looking around the Internet I found two very interesting things.

1) The average person farts 10-20 times a day. This is not so interesting as the fat that I pass gas up to 20 times an hour. Something in my bowels is not quite right, so I've been trying to drink FiberWise and am taking a suplement of Probiotics trying to get back to "normal."

2) There are companies out there actually profiting from flatulence. Seriously. I almost fell out of my seat when I realized this was real. You gotta check out FLAT D Innovations, "The #1 name in flatulence odor control products." This is amazing.

OK - I'll return to more serious posts later, but since this blog is mostly about me and my thoughts, you just had to know.

Modern Day Slaves

2007-02-05T12:34:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure how it worked out in the way it did, but two things (maybe three) came together this weekend in an unplanned manner. First, I read this amazing article in a National Geographic back issue called "21st Century Slaves." Then Jayla rented the movie, Memoirs of a Geisha, based on the novel with the same title. On top of that, I've been moved over the past few years in a very intense way to try and better understand the reality of modern day slaves in our world.

It's not hype.

It's not fiction.

It's not Hollywood.

It's not just Africa.

Child slaves. Class slaves. Race slaves. Slaves take many shapes, many sizes and many trades. Some are sold into it by their parents. Some are born into it through an accident of latitude and longitude. Some are just unlucky. Some work for the Gap and some for Nike. Some make semi-conductors and some make jeans. Some are used for sexual pleasure and some for picking grain.

Each one of them has a name.

A face.

A smile.

A heart.

A soul.

All are the result of humanity's brokenness. All are the result of one man/woman believing that he/she is inherantly more valuable than another. All are the result of a wacky and twisted world created and maintained by the powerful, by the rich, by the lucky.

And all are children of the Creator, who says, "the least among you will be greatest", "the first shall be last the last shall be first." He has made them. He has made them in His image.

What role do I play in it...?

What role do I serve to continue the madness...?

What can I do about it...?

I must and will take a stand.

an invitation

2007-02-02T14:58:00.001-07:00

Church Door
Originally uploaded by Photo Doocker.

Shane Claiborne, in his book, the Irrestible Revolution, states the following: "People are not crucified for helping poor people: people are crucified for joining them."

Christ has invited us to join. He has invited us to take a step of faith - a step through the door to poverty. I'm trying to open the door. My fear is holding me back. But I'm learning.

I'm learning that poverty isn't just about the poor (though that's where I feel the stare of God.) Spiritual poverty is rampant in Western Society. It's pervasive and only getting worse.

I'm learning that Christ promised 'good' but never 'easy'. Look at Scripture:

We put no stumbling block in anyone's path, so that our ministry will not be discredited. Rather, as servants of God we commend ourselves in every way: in great endurance; in troubles, hardships and distresses; in beatings, imprisonments and riots; in hard work, sleepless nights and hunger; in purity, understanding, patience and kindness; in the Holy Spirit and in sincere love; in truthful speech and in the power of God; with weapons of righteousness in the right hand and in the left; through glory and dishonor, bad report and good report; genuine, yet regarded as impostors; known, yet regarded as unknown; dying, and yet we live on; beaten, and yet not killed; sorrowful, yet always rejoicing; poor, yet making many rich; having nothing, and yet possessing everything.

Certainly, Paul's ministry wasn't easy. Watch The Passion's depiction of Christ in the garden - this was not easy. But, good - yes, yes, yes.

So it's not easy. Why do I hesitate even when I know what to do...?

staring contest

2007-02-01T17:55:00.001-07:00

staring contest
Originally uploaded by Photo Doocker.

I took this picture while on my last days in Amsterdam. I was standing near the Flower Market when I captured this moment in time. It wasn't until seeing it on my computer that I realized how intense this man was staring at me. It was like I was in a staring contest with him and believe me, he won. Even to this day, I almost feel like I have to turn away when looking at the pic since his glare is so intense.

Have you ever felt like someone is staring at you...?

I have.

And I feel like its God.

He is staring at me intensely wondering when I will step up to action and take hold of that which has been given to me. He is asking me to act and His eyes are piercing my heart.

Cool Links

2007-01-31T09:32:00.001-07:00

Hands Set (4)
Originally uploaded by Photo Doocker.

A Bright Light Comes On

This is a fantastic article about a group of engineering and business students from Colorado State University who are developing a stove that can help people in Third World generate electricity for their homes. It's a brilliant idea and a brilliant movement.
http://www.denverpost.com/business/ci_5121611

Lonliness and Technology

In a world which claims to be networked - to be connected - we are actually losing connectivity a greater pace than ever. We can surf MySpace for hours, chat endlessly, check e-mail on our Blackberries (I mean CrackBerries) and fly to London this afternoon. Yet, we are losing humanity. We are losing community. Great article.

http://adbusters.org/the_magazine/69/Loneliness_and_Technology.html

Amazing Grace - The Movie Trailer

If you haven't heard about it yet, this looks to be a phenomenol movie. It is the story of the song and also of the movement in Britain. I sing it to my son almost every night before bed. It should be fantastic. Check out the trailer here.

http://www.amazinggracemovie.com/index.php

challenged to be like Him

2007-01-29T13:30:00.001-07:00

Want some Body
Originally uploaded by Photo Doocker.

"...because God was not just redeeming that which was profane, but was setting all that was sacred free..." - a quote from Shane Claiborne's, The Irrestible Revolution.

This book has captured my attention and it has done so because He captures my attention. I now consider it in my top 5 reads. If you haven't read it, you should. Buy it. Borrow it. Steal it (just kidding, unless it's from a friend who says you can steal it so long as you give it back when you are done.)

I'm being challenged in ways I can't even possibly begin to conceptualize. I know what I need to do. But I'm scared. I'm honestly and genuinely afraid. I have FEAR as my backbone.

The curtains tore open because Jesus was setting us free. You and me. Poor from poverty. Rich from greed. Destitute from poor health. Wealthy from lonliness. Me from fear. Jesus did not shield himself from the masses by hiding behind the Holy Temple curtains. He walked openly among the homeless, touched lepers, healed beggers, challenged aristocrats, confronted the possessed. He was in the midst of humanity, not running from it. The curtains could not jail Him (Luke 23:44-46).

I'm afraid.

To quote Kierkegaard, "... the matter is quite simple. The Bible is very easy to understand. But we Christians are a bunch of scheming swindlers. We pretend to be unable to understand it because we know very well that the minute we understand, we are obliged to act accordingly."

I know he wasn't talking directly to me when he said this, but it sure feels like it. I live a life of comfort and ease. At the very root, I am afraid to let go of that comfort. The desires of the flesh have set their roots in my heart and made me afraid. I hear Him calling...

"Come. Follow me."

"Come. Follow me."

"Come. Follow me."

And I just sit here pretending not to hear.

it's all about perspective

2007-01-26T16:28:00.001-07:00

Windows on an Angle
Originally uploaded by Photo Doocker.

If I was to tell you the sky was green, what would you say...? Would you tell me I was insane...? Would you think I was insane...? Or, would you stop to ask what sky I was talking about...? Would you wonder if I was speaking some other language...?

It's all about perspective.

I don't always sympatize with others view - that is for sure. Our differences make a big deal and understanding those differences can be crucial to understanding each other. Our family structure, histroy, experiences, location, culture - these are all part of defining who we are.

I want to do a much better job of trying to understand other people.

And yet, don't we all linger and long for the same things. Don't we all desire (1) a sense of belonging, (2) a air of competency, and (3) a feeling of worthiness...? I'll be exploring all of these in coming posts.

my sick little guy

2007-01-24T09:11:00.001-07:00

Asher getting crazy
Originally uploaded by Photo Doocker.

Asher has been sick since Saturday with vomiting and the "blats". It's been fairly gross to be honest with nothing very fun coming from within the bowels. It really is better going in than coming out.

I am amazed with three things though. First, I'm once again amazed by the design of our bodies and their functionality. As I would hold Asher to the sink, his stomach wrenching in pain, it was clear his body was trying to purge itself of some kind of intruder. Asher wasn't happy about it either... crying and calling for "Mommy!" His body though convulsed and shook to remove the virus or whatever else attacking him. It was cool in a weird way, though I'm sure it would have been much less cool had I been the one vomiting.

Second, I am amazed by Asher's ability to rise above his pain and illness to carry on being a kid. He rarely complained about being sick and for the most part carried on as the crazy kid he is. Last night Jayla and I were trying to teach him to somersault and it could not have been more fun. Jayla and I had forgotten we were BIG kids now and could barely even somersault ourselves (in fact I can't really do it all - sad), but Asher didn't notice. He just flipped and rolled and turned. He loved it.

And lastly, I am amazed by the relationship dynamics that take place when Asher is not feeling well. In some weird way, I almost wish he was sick more often. (not really though when you see his diaper) He is affectionate and adorable. He likes to be held and to snuggle. He wants his parents to love on him and hold him and take care of him and to help him.

The best picture of this was yesterday. I was returning from the gym at about 6:50am (yes, in the morning) and I walked into our bedroom, when I looked up to see Jayla and Asher spooning - except Asher was in the back. I guess he had woken up at about 5:30am so Jayla took him into our bed with her - then they had both fallen back asleep. It was a moment in which God's design became so clear to me. Asher's head was snuggled into the back for Jayla's neck as his arm was draped over her shoulder. They were there together in bed - innocent and pure. It was a great picture of love and even more so in the moment - of God. His creation was alive even in the midst of sickness. And that's what I mean by "wishing" Asher was sick more often. Love was so alive in the pain.

I wonder if that's what God feels when we are broken and humbled and we have nowhere left to turn but to Him. I think so. I think he desires it and wants it and looks to it as little ways to take pictures - pictures that are engrained in our very being. These pcitures show us love and compassion and grace and I cannot think of anything more amazing.

the yoke

2007-01-19T13:02:00.001-07:00

DSST Angles3,
originally uploaded by Photo Doocker.

Much like I've been impressed with Shane Claiborne and the Irresistible Revolution, I'm similarly impressed with Rob Bell's book, Velvet Elvis.

Springs.

Yokes.

Truth.

Reality.

Relationships.

Bell has a fresh perspective on how we perceive the world especially in relation to our views of God and Christianity and Doctrine. I suppose I connect with it because I've said so many things in my life that just don't make sense.

"Just teach the Bible."

"How can there be just one way?"

"It's just so confusing that Jonah was swallowed by a fish."

"Are you saying the curtains actually ripped?"

These are things I think. And it's OK. We have to pursue understanding from different angles, from different viewpoints. We are not the same because each of our stories is unique with a unique set of memories, experiences and beliefs about who we are. As soon as presume to think we are the same we allow judgement to enter the equation.

And just imagine, God knows this is going to happen. He wired us to be unrobotic. That's cool.

I especially see this at the Denver School of Science and Technology. We have white kids, black kids, hispanic kids, asian kids, poor kids rich kids, some kids who are further along than others, some who are further behind. I walk around school every day and see just how important all the angles are. As soon as I look from one angle and think I have it figured out, I look from another and am humbled. The angles matter.

The same is true with our faith and our communities. We have been designed with certain similarities such as the desire for belonging and love and competency and community. These are part of who we are. But we see them in different ways from different angles.

I like those angles.

Hypocrite, Coward and Fool

2007-01-18T09:45:00.001-07:00

Neds man from the front again
Originally uploaded by Photo Doocker.

Shane Claiborne starts his book, The Irresistible Revolution, with the following:

"Dedicated to all the hypocrites, cowards and fools... like me. May we find the Way, the Truth and the Life in a world of shortcuts, deception and death."

I am a hypocrite.

I am a coward.

I am a fool.

Thank you for your words Shane as they strike me deep with the cavities of my chest.

Further, I read another short passage that I can't help but to fall in love with:

"...there is another movement stirring, a little revolution. Many of us are refusing to allow distorted images of our faith to define us. There are those of us, who rather than simply reject pop evangelism, want to spread another kind of Christianity, a faith that has as much to say about this world as it does the next. New prophets are rising up who try to change the future, not just predict it. There is a movement bubbling up that goes beyond cynacism and celebrates a new way of living, a generation that stops compplaining about the church it sees and becomes the church it dreams of. And this little revolution is irresistible. It is a contagious revolution that dances, laughs and loves."

I love to dance.

I love to laugh.

I love to love.

Thanks again Shane for speaking truth to my soul.

Hearts - Knees - Resources

2007-01-16T11:21:00.001-07:00

Perspective Column, originally uploaded by Photo Doocker.

This is the commitment God is asking of us right now - will Jayla and I give Him our hearts in order that we will follow Him, that we would give Him our knees in order that we pray fervently and that we would give Him our resources in order that we should make the most of every single gift He has given to us.

We are challenged to let go of Amsterdam for the time being and to live where we are for as Todd told me this morning - You are where you are. (Thanks Todd!) It has been a year and half since we moved back to the States and though we still miss Amsterdam so very much, we have come to the realization that our home is no longer there. At times, we still feel like strangers in a strange land and yet we feel the desire and challenge to connect with vigor to a community here.

It is also the approproate time to change the name of my blog from "Reflections" to "Gateways" - sort of change from looking at the past to dreaming for the future and living in today. Long before I understood much about Christ, I was drawn to a short passage in Matthew 7:

"Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it."

I didn't know what it meant at the time, only that life was hard and that I had to make choices. Now though, I'm starting the journey to understanding. It is a journey in which being a stranger in a strange land will never change while walking this Earth. One day I will experience the choirs of angels singing "Holy, Holy, Holy is the Lord" but until that day we journey through valleys and mountains and pastures and rivers, up and down, left and right - always trying to walk the narrow road.

They say you can tell a lot about a person by whether he/she has more memories than dreams or more dreams than memories. Lord, please help me to dream.

not sure anymore

2007-01-08T16:47:00.000-07:00

i can't decide if i'm going to keep blogging or not. it's kind of nice not to.

HURT

2006-12-13T14:51:00.000-07:00

I may have posted about this before, but I am once again touched by the "Hurt" video by Johnny Cash. It's very emotional for me on several levels, and especially now in the midst of trying to grow stronger with Christ in all I do.


i hurt myself today
to see if i still feel
i focus on the pain
the only thing that's real
the needle tears a hole
the old familiar sting
try to kill it all away
but i remember everything

what have i become?
my sweetest friend
everyone i know
goes away in the end
you could have it all
my empire of dirt
i will let you down
i will make you hurt

i wear this crown of thorns
upon my liar's chair
full of broken thoughts
i cannot repair
beneath the stains of time
the feelings disappear
you are someone else
i am still right here

what have i become?
my sweetest friend
everyone i know
goes away in the end
and you could have it all
my empire of dirt
i will let you down
i will make you hurt

if i could start again
a million miles away
i would keep myself
i would find a way

which path to follow...

2006-11-30T08:26:00.000-07:00

Cameron Trail
Originally uploaded by Photo Doocker.

Working at a public school is very difficult for me right now. I just found out that our philosphy class is teaching that ethics and morals codes definitely DO NOT come from the Triune God or any god for that matter. INstead they are the result of human thinking and teaching.
I don't have a problem with teaching different angles, different sides of a story, but to teach one way as wrong is inappropriate and annoying.
What do you think...?

the pursuit

2006-11-27T17:14:00.000-07:00

God Light
Originally uploaded by borga.

I'm doing my yearly read of AW Tozers "the Pursuit of God" and am once again captured by the simplicity and compassion in which Tozer lays out my God. I'm convinced to read this book every autumn season as I think about my goals and commitments for the next year. It is a great kickoff.

On one of the first pages of the book, Tozer states "The modern scientist has lost God amid the wonders of His world: we Christians are in real danger of losing God amid the wonders of His word." I can't help but to stop and think for a moment about this short comment.

I was in Cancun last week swimming with dolphins - seriously - and came out of the ocean to see this poster of the dolphin. It explained that dolphins have evolved from an acient wolf like creature (very furry and fierce looking) which no longer wanted to live on land so developed into the dolphin we know today (graceful and smooth under water.) I thought to myself, "How could this possibly be...?", and thought that this is being taught in our schools. God is lost in His own creation.

And then, I think about my Christian experience and realize I too am lost almost always. I am lost in my own world as I see God, rather than being found in the wonderful world He has made and set before us. It is possible to be in pursuit of Him and I want to be so bad.

Jayla's Thoughts

2006-11-17T09:41:00.000-07:00

Jayla with Leo on his last day
Originally uploaded by Photo Doocker.

Check out Jayla's blog, Pura Vida, for some more thoughts on precious Leo.

I can't believe it's been almost a week already since we had to put him down. It continues to be hard at times - times when I just want to go snuggle him and be with him and walk with him.

I used to sit down with my legs spread wide open on the floor and Leo would come over and nestle in with his back against my legs. As I stroked his neck or scratched behind his ears, he would groan and purr. It was sweet and I miss it.

Remembering Leo

2006-11-14T12:40:00.000-07:00

Me with Leo on his last day
Originally uploaded by Photo Doocker.

This morning started out like many mornings in our house. I took care of the normal morning routine - you know - brush teeth, shower, put on clothes, read, study, write, change Asher, etc... Then as I took Asher down stairs, bopping down so he would laugh as usual, a sadness came upon me.

Like usual, Asher was yelling "Eeo, Eeo" (his form of Leo). At the last stair I put him down and he ran for the corner where Leo used to lay, just around the wall from the kitchen. As Asher got to the corner he stopped, mystified by the emptiness that was before him. I thought for a moment he would cry. Instead, he went off to play with his toys as any normal 20 month old boy would do. I guess he's too young to know what has happened.

I shed a quick tear and move on to getting breakfast started, when again, I hear "Eeo, Eeo, Eeo" and turn around to see Asher pointing at Leo's photo album. It was so sweet. Jayla and I went into the family room and talked with Asher about Leo and how he is now gone. Of course, Asher just wanted to play. I guess he's just too young.

Me though. I'm not too young. I miss Leo. I miss going downstairs and hearing his rock hard tail thumping off the wall as he eagerly awaits his breakfast. I miss his beautiful eyes looking up at me waiting for some morning love. I miss his huge snout and his big feet and his amazing curly coat. He is gone physically, but Jayla and I still feel him in a very real way. Sweet boy.

A Faithful Friend Departed

2006-11-11T22:11:00.000-07:00

Leo in the Grass
Originally uploaded by Photo Doocker.

Today, November 11, 2006 at 3:11pm, Jayla and I lost a faithful and beautiful member of our immediate family.

It has been an incredibly emotional and challenging day for us as Jayla and I knew what lay before us even before the day began. After breakfast we loaded Asher and Leo into the car and headed to the mountains just outside of Red Rocks Ampitheater in Morrison, CO. It was important to us to get Leo out for some fresh air and some moutain views before the afternoon.

I put the towel under Leo's belly as has been normal for us the past few weeks, because Leo was unable to walk on his own. I led him to a patch of grass from which we could see Red Rocks and the city of Denver in the horizon. It was as nice as spot as any. Leo chewed a rawhide we had given him and Asher ran around falling on Prickly Pear Cactus and enjoying the weather. Jayla and I focused soley on the dog. We sobbed as we looked through a photo album of Leo - pictures of him as a puppy, pictures of him frolicking in the snow, pictures of him loving life.

In just a few hours we would be heading to Alameda East Vet Hospital to put Leo to sleep. We made the final decision to put him down last Thursday as Leo's condition has steadily worsened over the past few weeks to the point he can't hold himself up while urinating. It was too much to bear for both us and him. And, yet, the picture above was just taken today at about 2pm. Look at him. He looks wonderful. Just thinking about putting him down has caused much pain and anguish for us for several weeks.

When we returned from the moutains, we mixed up some cement and made footprint impressions of Leo's front paws and cooked him a juicy NY strip steak. As per the usual, Leo didn't even chew the steak - he just inhaled it - it was fitting. We would have it no other way.

We sat with him for seemed like an eternity and then cautiously headed toward the car again for our trip to the vet. It was one of the strangest times in my life. To be driving down the road knowing what we were about to do was nothing less than surreal.

We arrived at the vet and I arranged to have a stretcher brought out to help Leo in. They immediately rolled him to the back as Jayla and I headed to the "comfort room". We cried as he was taken behind closed doors. The look on his face vividly reminded us of Dulles Airport on our way to Amsterdam. He had the same exact look when the airline workers rolled him behind closed doors to load him onto the plane. It was a look of wonder - wondering whether he would see us again. We did.

And we would see him again this time as well. We arranged his bed on the ground and slowly lowered him down to the floor. He was happy to be with us, content in the knowledge that we were there with him. Tears flowed from our eyes as we talked about all he has meant to us and the all the wonderful memories we have of him and with him. Memories like:

- hiking in Grand Gulch
- the trip to Amsterdam
- the way he would look for us when snowshoeing
- his huge feet (and his huge nostrils)
- his amber eyes and his wavy brown hair
- running with him on rainy days
- snuggling him during hard times
- him licking out of an ice cream bowl with Sam
- and many, many more

The doctor would enter about 20 minutes later and slowly inject him with a durg making him "fall asleep." That's just what he did. Slowly, he laid his big head on my right shoe as Jayla and I carressed his beautiful coat of curly dead grass fur. He breathed his last at about 3:11pm. It was one of the hardest moments of my life.

And at the same time, we feel so tremendously blessed to have experienced so much with Leo. We look upon his years with incredible fondness and will never forget him - never.

confessions of an economic hitman

2006-11-09T09:14:00.000-07:00

feeding-little-girl
Originally uploaded by dream awakener.

So, I'm reading this book right now, called CONFESSIONS OF AN ECONOMIC HITMAN, by John Perkins. You can find lots more information about it here. And here is a piece of the prologue:

Quito, Ecuador’s capital, stretches across a volcanic valley high in the Andes, at an altitude of nine thousand feet. Residents of this city, which was founded long before Columbus arrived in the Americas, are accustomed to seeing snow on the surrounding peaks, despite the fact that they live just a few miles south of the equator. The city of Shell, a frontier outpost and military base hacked out of Ecuador’s Amazon jungle to service the oil company whose name it bears, is nearly eight thousand feet lower than Quito. A steaming city, it is inhabited mostly by soldiers, oil workers, and the indigenous people from the Shuar and Kichwa tribes who work for them as prostitutes and laborers.

To journey from one city to the other, you must travel a road that is both tortuous and breathtaking. Local people will tell you that during the trip you experience all four seasons in a single day. Although I have driven this road many times, I never tire of the spectacular scenery. Sheer cliffs, punctuated by cascading waterfalls and brilliant bromeliads, rise up one side. On the other side, the earth drops abruptly into a deep abyss where the Pastaza River, a headwater of the Amazon, snakes its way down the Andes. The Pastaza carries water from the glaciers of Cotopaxi, one of the world’s highest active volcanoes and a deity in the time of the Incas, to the Atlantic Ocean over three thousand miles away.

In 2003, I departed Quito in a Subaru Outback and headed for Shell on a mission that was like no other I had ever accepted. I was hoping to end a war I had helped create. As is the case with so many things we EHMs must take responsibility for, it is a war that is virtually unknown anywhere outside the country where it is fought. I was on my way to meet with the Shuars, the Kichwas, and their neighbors the Achuars, the Zaparos, and the Shiwiars—tribes determined to prevent our oil companies from destroying their homes, families, and lands, even if it means they must die in the process. For them, this is a war about the survival of their children and cultures, while for us it is about power, money, and natural resources. It is one part of the struggle for world domination and the dream of a few greedy men, global empire.

That is what we EHMs do best: we build a global empire. We are an elite group of men and women who utilize international financial organizations to foment conditions that make other nations subservient to the corporatocracy running our biggest corporations, our government, and our banks. Like our counterparts in the Mafia, EHMs provide favors. These take the form of loans to develop infrastructure —electric generating plants, highways, ports, airports, or industrial parks. A condition of such loans is that engineering and construction companies from our own country must build all these projects. In essence, most of the money never leaves the United States; it is simply transferred from banking offices in Washington to engineering offices in New York, Houston, or San Francisco.

Despite the fact that the money is returned almost immediately to corporations that are members of the corporatocracy (the creditor), the recipient country is required to pay it all back, principal plus interest. If an EHM is completely successful, the loans are so large that the debtor is forced to default on its payments after a few years. When this happens, then like the Mafia we demand our pound of flesh. This often includes one or more of the following: control over United Nations votes, the installation of military bases, or access to precious resources such as oil or the Panama Canal. Of course, the debtor still owes us the money—and another country is added to our global empire.

Thanks to JR for his picture at the top.

an embrace

2006-10-30T14:21:00.000-07:00

an embrace
Originally uploaded by Photo Doocker.

I don't know if you have heard the latest Jars of Clay album, titled "Good Monsters", but if you have not I highly recommend it. There is one song in particular, written by the band after a trip to Rwanda in which they heard some gruesome stories of the genocide there. "Oh my God" was inspired by one.

Oh My God
Oh my God, look around this place,
Your fingers reach around the bone,
you set the break and set the tone
For flights of grace, and future falls
In present pain all fools say, "Oh my God."

Oh my God, why are we so afraid?
We make it worse when we don't bleed,
There is no cure for our disease.
Turn a phrase and rise again,
Or fake your death and only tell your closest friends,
Oh My God.

Oh my God, can I complain?
You take away my firm belief and graft my soul upon your grief.
Weddings, boats, and alibis,
All drift away, and a mother cries...

Liars and fools, sons and failures, theives will always say..
Lost and found, ailing wanderers, healers always say..
Whores and angels, men with problems, leavers always say..
Broken hearted, separated, orphans always say..
War creators, racial haters, preachers always say..
Distant fathers, fallen warriors, givers always say..
Pilgrim saints, lonely widows, users always say..
Fearful mothers, watchful doubters, Saviors always say..

Sometimes I can not forgive
and these days mercy cuts so deep,
If the world was how it should be, maybe I could get some sleep.
While I lay, I'd dream we're better, scales were gone and faces lighter,
When we wake we hate our brother, we still move to hurt each other,
Sometimes I can close my eyes and all the fear the keeps me silent,
Falls below my heavy breathing, what makes me so badly bent?
We all have a chance to murder, we all have the need for wonder.
We still want to be reminded that the pain is worth the plunder.

Sometimes when I lose my grip, I wonder what to make of heaven,
All the times I thought to reach up, all the times I had to give up.
Babies underneath their beds, in hospitals that cannot treat them.
All the wounds that money causes, all the comforts of cathedrals,
All the cries of thirsty children, this is our inheritance,
All the rage of watching mothers, this is our greatest offense
Oh my God, Oh my God, Oh my God.

fruity

2006-10-24T09:30:00.000-06:00

Wedding Bells
Originally uploaded by Photo Doocker.

love. joy. peace. patience. kindness. goodness. faithfulness. gentleness. self-control. (paul)

faith. goodness. knowledge. self-control. perseverance. godliness. brotherly kindness. love. (peter)

Is it conincidence that Paul and Peter have given us such closely related instruction about what we become when under the umbrella of Christ...? I think not. What we become is a humanity devoted to each other, who are strong and peaceful and loving and disciplined and controlled and patient.

I'm so amazed at how the whole picture comes together so frequently in Scripture. Cool stuff.

PhotoFriday

2006-10-20T16:43:00.000-06:00

butterfly1
Originally uploaded by Photo Doocker.

Well - no reason, other than PhotoFriday. So, that's it.

How Long to Sing this Song...?

2006-10-16T09:51:00.000-06:00

PSALM 40

I waited patiently for the LORD;
he turned to me and heard my cry.

He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand.

He put a new song in my mouth,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear
and put their trust in the LORD.

I woke up this morning with the song "40" in my head from U2, taken from the Psalm above. I have been impacted of late by the words in Romans 3 - "there is no one righteous, not even one" and in the words of Romans 5 - "And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we[c] also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts." I suppose that's why I wanted to sing a new song.

"I will sing, sing a new song.
I will sing, sing a new song.

How long, to sing this song...?
How long, to sing this song...?
How long, how long...?"

Since I have the U2 - Live in Chicago video and since Asher and Jayla weren't home, I decided to put on the DVD and crank it up (much louder than you can listen to this clip from YouTube). There is a point in the video when they focus in on Larry Mullen, the humble drummer of U2 who rarely shows emotion while playing. The camera moves in on him so that only his face and the movement of his drumsticks are the picture. As with many pictures, the eyes tell the story. His eyes are fully alive glistening with the tears of hard work, toil and perseverance. I like to think there is more.

I like to think those are the tears of the Psalmist in #40. I WAITED PATIENTLY FOR THE LORD AND HE TURNED TO HEAR MY CRY. HE REACHED DOWN AND GRABBED ME, HOLDING ME TIGHT AND LIFTED ME FROM THE PERILS OF LIFE. HE SET ME UPON THE ROCK, WHO IS CHRIST WHERE MY FOUNDATION IS STRONG AND STABLE. THEN HE PUT A MELODY IN MY HEART AND I COULDN'T HELP BUT TO SING A NEW SONG. I WILL SING AND SING AND SING THIS SONG OF GRACE AND LOVE ALL MY DAYS.

I feel a connection and start crying.

As the song (and concert end) it is just Larry on stage. The crowd, 20,000 strong, is belting out "How long? to sing this song?" - singig a song of praise (whether they know it or not.) Mr. Mullen is lightly tapping his cymbals and touching the bass pedal ever so slightly, when he suddenly goes into a drumming frenzy a if possessed by the thought of the Rock himself. And, he walks off stage with a simple wave of the hand.

I'm not trying to glorify U2 here, but what I appreciate about them is the connection they create with their fans. I see it as some microcosm of the way we will connect with Christ in heaven. Thousands upon thousands and ten thousand times ten thousand encircling the throne of God in worship. I was connected this morning. And I sat there and cried. And I opened Scripture to Psalm 40 and read it over and over and over and over. How long will I sing this song...? How long...? How long...?

wish that doesn't come true

2006-10-10T09:46:00.000-06:00

a couple on a walk
Originally uploaded by Photo Doocker.

It's an emotional time for me. Jayla leaves for Amsterdam in just about three hours and I won't be with her - physically anyway. She will have to walk the Spui without me. I will have to dream on my own.

I looked for plane tix this morning to see if I could actually make it over for the weekend, but to no avail. It was just a shot anyway.

Really, I can't stop thinking about Todd, Lindy, Lee, Diane, Ivan, Louike, Sam, Patricia, Eric, Marcey, Theo, JJde, SNde, Linda, Naomi, Daryl, Katie, Ned, Maritje, Brian, Johanna, the Smiths, Jonas, Steph, Jen, all the kids, and all the others who are part of our community there. I miss them and each one gives me certain memories I love to enjoy...whether Ned's great coffee at Bagels and Beans or riding back with Lee or whatever.

You're probably getting bored with me by now so I should figure out something else to write about. Please take care of Jayla while she's there.

going through the motions

2006-10-09T10:32:00.000-06:00

watch the tram
Originally uploaded by Photo Doocker.

Something has really hit me hard these past couple days culminating in a very slow start to my day today. Jayla is leaving for Amsterdam tomorrow. For one thing, I'm realizing how much I'm going to miss her. For the second, I'm realizing how much I wish I was going with her. So many of our memories there are wrapped up in the shared experience of being there together. So, it's weird to think of her experiencing all these memories without me. I think that side of it is hitting her as well.

The other part is me realizing how much I miss my/our life there. I mean, I've realized it before, but now I'm really struggling with it big time. I guess, it's this. I just feel like life here is so unimportant. Don't get me wrong, I love my wife and my child and the mountains and my friends here. But it still feels like I'm going through the motions of life, rather really living it to the full. Do you know what I mean...? I really like my job a lot, really I do. I have the chance to be part of a huge change in education on the macro level (Bill Gates Foundation looking at our school as an example school) and on the micro level, I may affect a high school kid for the rest of his life. That's cool stuff. It still feels like I'm going through the motions.

Even this morning as I lay in bed talking with Jayla about the dreary day, with the clouds and rain, I somehow transported back to Amsterdam where I loved meeting Todd and Lee and Theo and Brian and Sam and whoever for a gezellig cup of koffie at the local cafe. What does it feel like here...? Going through the motions. There is something missing in life here, at least for me.

Again, I'm not complaining about being unlucky or miserable here, as we are so blessed to have what we have, where we have it, but it's still just going through the motions. I can't put my finger on it. Is the grass greener on the other side...? Have I failed to get involved in something powerful and meaningful here...? Have I missed my calling...? I don't know the answer. I do know I miss our mission and our friends and our lives in Amsterdam. I miss the culture and the coffee and Hap Hmmm. I miss my bike and the even the rain. I hate the rain too. I miss the city and the people and the buildings. I hate the concrete jungle too. It's weird.

Ultimately, it still feels like going through the motions.

the desert

2006-10-06T09:13:00.000-06:00

Cactus and Mountain splendor1
Originally uploaded by Photo Doocker.

I went to Scottsdale, AZ last weekend to play some golf with buddies. I went to the desert. Physically, I'd never been there before. Spiritually I had.

The desert was beautiful and awesome and scary and crazy all at the same time. I loved it in many ways. Then I started thinking about how much I would love it if I was there for 40 days and 40 nights much less 40 years. It's dry and hot and there are lizards and snakes.

As I thought about it more and more, I realized I'm in awe of the desert and also very scared of the desert. It seems like such a lonely place.

I suppose the good part of being in the desert is that you have no place to turn but to the Lord Almighty. He will provide provision for you.

No longer home

2006-09-29T14:23:00.000-06:00

Krakeling - Home of Zolder50
Originally uploaded by Photo Doocker.

A far away view of the Zolder - an approprite image given I will never see it from within again. The inside is but a memory and photograph, nothing more. Still, I will never forget it.

I posted on Eric's blog earlier today cause I had this weird feeling that I somehow understood his "work struggle" from three/four years ago. You feel on the outside.

It's weird not being in Amsterdam right now. I see the pictures of packing up and an empty Zolder - a casket of what once was as Eric put it. It's sad to me, much like I'm at a funeral. I'm sad because the Zolder meant so much to me as our HOME there, but also because I wasn't there to help everyone pack up and move on to the next pasture. Somehow, I feel almost like I was never there - like it's a dream.

In Exodus, God leads his people far from the promised land, through the desert, such that they may find HIM first before finding the milk and honey. I wonder if that's where God is taking the Zolder now. Will there be desert ahead and manna on the grass as dew in the morning...? Time will tell I suppose.

For now though, it makes me sad to know I'll never see the inside of that building again. Very sad. Still, this is a time of renewal and growth and challenge. Great things will come I'm sure and that gives me great hope.

Lee, Diane, Todd, Lindy , Eric, Marci, Patricia, Linda, Sam, Theo, JJde, SNde, Wilmy, Naomi, Ned, Daryl, Katy - I know I've forgotten some - there are not many of the original crew left. And yet, the church goes on. How cool.

de Krakeling is gone (for us)

2006-09-26T14:04:00.000-06:00

Krakeling with Tailights
Originally uploaded by Photo Doocker.

Memories. Like fading glimpses into a past like, they are on the top of my mind lately. To read Todd and Eric's blogs make them even more in the forefront of the cerebral cortex.

Memories like this picture of the Krakeling lights on the semi-north side of the building (you can even see Steve in the picture if you look close enough through the bus tailights.) This picture became sort of a legend for me in the thoughts of Amsterdam. It was even used on the Gread & Partners brochure.

Memories like
- walking Amber across the bridge to Brian and Johanna's when the intervention took place
- sitting in the kitchen listening to Todd talk about grace (I was talking with Alex at the time and he seemed almost stunned)
- listening to Chris belt out With or Without You in front of a packed night
- reading the Gospels in 7 different languages
- walking down the steps at our first Easter service
-watching Jayla serve week after week in the Red Light District; reaching out, speaking out and praying out to some very broken women
- sitting in the corner one night at Soul Gathering and just listening to our small choir sing with our hearts on our sleeves - magical
- painting the office for what seemed like days with Lindy, Seth, Jayla and Todd
- meeting with Eric, Todd and Lee to do Making Peace with Your Past
- Shawn faithfully doing the slides and teaching Marco to do the same
- like Eric stepping out or his comfort zone to teach Christ even when speaking in preaching wasn't his greatest gift
- like Lee walking through many valleys only to come out on the other side a stronger and more faithful servant
- like our home group growing from 6 to 8 to 14 to 22 to 38 to 8 to 14
- like watching the Oranje on the projection TV
- like helping to clean the Marnixstraat over and over and over and over
- like looking around the "old church" in what is now the office and wondering about the potential of a smal group of people wanting to change a whole city
- like looking back and thinking "WOW!"
- like stepping on the plane with my wife and 5 month old baby on August 31st, 2005 and thinking I've gained a greater life.

There is no doubt. I've gained so much from so little. Though it makes me so sad that I didn't get to say "goodbye" to the Zolder, I'm sure happy I got to experience it if even for one night. It was gezellig and warm and cozy and most of all, filled with people who wanted nothing more than to do what we called Community.

a bike rack and some lunch

2006-09-20T08:50:00.000-06:00

the leidsekade bridge
Originally uploaded by Photo Doocker.

I've spent the last two days reliving what it meant to ride my bike from my house in the Watergrafsmeer over to Leidsekade 50, the soon to be former home of Zolder50.

I get to the bike rack. Sometimes I would see my friends locking up their bikes too. Sometimes, I'd see no one, but I'm confident others would see me - like Jurren and Steef - laughing at me for one reason or another. Other times, I would be playing a prank on Todd with the face of a doll, and at others I would be the end of the joke. I'd see Lee ride up sweating profusely from his ride (he only knows one speed on the bike - fast.) Once in awhile, I'd see Eric at the rack wondering how we missed each other on the ride. There were even the many times of talking with the neighbor about the scratches on her car caused by our church. The bike rack alone provides me with so many good memories.

My bike locked, I step away and gather my belongings. I pull out my keys and open the door to the office belting out an "hoi, FedEx..." just to get Theo to come to the door. We'd laugh and hug. Around the corner, Steef and Jurren were plugging away. Well, that's another stretch of the truth since Jurren was usually still sleeping or singing, but still. "Bpde, BPde, BPde, BPde" I would hear this at least 100 times a day from Steef. 99 of them I'd laugh.

Theo asks me to get lunch with him, so we walk back out the door, hang a right and head towards Albert Heijn, the impetus of many arguments between Steef and I about which was better - AH or Vomar. Of course he was always right, but it was still fun to argue with him about it.

Theo walked fast. For an almost 60 year old (another stretch of the truth) he had a mission - fresh bread. I loved lunch with Theo, Steef, Jurren, Lee, Brian and Seth. In fact, if I'm realistic about my memories of Amsterdam, lunch with these firends is one of top five greatest. I learned much about and from these brothers during our time together. I learned trivial things like how to eat Filet Americain and oude kaas. But, there was so much more. We shared unbelievable times at lunch. I cried on more than one occasion. I laughed on every occasion. These are memories etched to my very soul.

the ride over (part II)

2006-09-19T14:16:00.000-06:00

it tells you where to ride
Originally uploaded by Photo Doocker.

See previous entry for Part I...

So, by now, I've crossed over the Amstel and am heading Westish towards Leidseplein. Along the way, I'm careful to stop at several major intersections where Dutch bike cops like to enforce the local bike law (especially stopping at red lights and having lights on the bike at night.) I know because I received tickets for both at the same intersection. Oh well.

I pedal in smooth strokes, well, that's stretching the truth a bit since no Dutch bike in Amsterdam really pedals that smooth - or at least not one which has never been stolen. Continuing along I approach Leidseplein, one of the best parts of the city in my opinion. Though filled with tourists and the normal tourist shops and restaurants a tourist would visit, I like it for the action. There are clubs which were once churches, movie theaters which were once outdated movie theaters. There are English Pubs and Mexican restaurants and good steakhouses. It's all a bit silly I suppose, but what I really like is the people.

It's a busy place.

The bike sign on the path tells me I'm in the right place as the columns approach on the left side. To my right is a giant poster announcing "Ray" a the feature film. There are iguana statues lining the walls of the flower garden, I don't remember how many though. I had to count them once for a treasure hunt. I still can't remember if we ever knew.

A tourist walks right in front of me. I ring my bell and chuckle at the absurdity of it all. It's funny. I love this section of the ride.

I'm almost there. It's only a couple hundred meters now until I bank left and head down Leidsekade, bank right and am at the Zolder. Cool.

the ride over

2006-09-18T16:39:00.000-06:00

canalhouses on the amstel
Originally uploaded by Photo Doocker.

It is my understanding that this is one of the last weeks our wonderful and amazing church will actually hold services in the Zolder, the place we have called home for about four years. Now being so far away, I feel out of touch and distant from the situation, but somehow still feel attached to it all. It's weird to be so far away and feel so darn close.

At any rate, it's got me thinking. I'm thinking about so many things regarding the Zolder and all it's meant to me. One such memory is the ride itself.

I would turn left out my door, right up Pythagorasstraat to the canal, go left, turn right on Middeweg (where Theo Van Gogh was shot) ride up around the Tropenmuseum, over the next canal and left again right past my favorite pub - the Groene Oliphant. It was at this point that I had a mostly straight shot to the Zolder.

About half way there, I would zip past the Amstel Hotel and across a bridge which brought me to the other side of the Amstel River itself. It was in this moment that I would often slow down and absorb the view before me (see picture above.) It was a glorious and significant sight. I grew to love it. Jayla and I would sometimes pause on the bridge (usually Jayla would exclaim, "yes, I love this") and we would gaze upon the wonderful sets of canal houses that line it's shore.

I miss this view. I miss this commute. I miss the city and the bikes and people and houses and the community.

It's weird to think this commute will be gone from the memories of so many people in such a short time.

sometimes you can't make it on your own

2006-09-15T12:48:00.000-06:00

Hands Set (6)
Originally uploaded by Photo Doocker.

I bought the U2 Vertigo Tour DVD last night. I couldn't help it. I like movies. I really do. But, concerts - wow. Concerts bring humans together for sharing if only for a moment in order to bond in music. The rhythm and the soul and jazz and the drums and guitar and the performance. These things unite people.

I especially like the song "Sometimes you can't make it on your own" as Bono comes to the front of the stage, actually takes his glasses off and belts out a tribute to his father. You look in the mirrow and see yourself. You can't make it on your own. My neither.

Maybe that's why I like the song. I realize my infirmity and that makes me humber. I need others and they need me. Is that not the essence of community. I love it.

a travel photo contest

2006-09-13T14:18:00.000-06:00

A lonely man wondering where to go1
Originally uploaded by Photo Doocker.

I just sent this picture into a travel photo contest. It's not the typical travel photo contest, but this picture is one I love. The man is carrying a briefcase/ duffelbag standing in front of this weird parking garage in Denver. He might not be traveling far, but he is traveling. So, I'm curious to see if the judges like the weirdness over the idea that there is some beautiful place to go. Interesting anyway... I'll be laughing on my Hawaiin Cruise if I win.

5 years today

2006-09-11T10:01:00.000-06:00

9/11 memorial
Originally uploaded by neovoag.

I had just awoken in Fort Collins, CO. Groggy, I reached over to my cell phone which was ringing my head to wake. It was my friend Mac. "Dude, turn on the TV!" I didn't know how to respond, especially since I had no TV. "A plane just hit one of the Twin Towers in New York." What. I popped up and headed straight for the basement where my computer was online.

I immediately opened www.cnn.com and read about what Mac just told me. Refresh. Refresh. Refresh. I couldn't get the news fast enough. I was search in the news relentlessly trying to find out what was happening. Apparently, so were about 250 million other people. The internet was stuck.

I had to work.

I swallowed hard and made the long walk back upstairs to my room, got dressed and hopped in the car. The radio. I turned on the news and listened as witnesses described the smoke billowing from the Twin Towers. At this point, the other plane had already hit and both towers were damaged.

My phone rang again. My dad was on the other line. I started weeping almost uncontrollably. To this day, I'm not sure why it was this phone call that put me over the edge. I wanted to fly to NY immediately. Instead I pulled into the parking lot at work and walked upstairs to my desk.

No one was really talking, more just huddled around the few desks that had radios. Silence. I felt it so real that day. The news caster spoke of smoke and mayhem and mass confusion. Then he said the first of many shocking things that day. People were jumping out of the 90th floor of their buildings to escape the flames. The 90th floor. Tears streamed down my face.

The first tower collapsed. I sat there not thinking, only feeling. There were no words. My heart was coming through my chest. Did I know anyone working in NY. Yes. Were they OK...? I didnt' know.

Still silence. Silence. Silence. Silence. Drip. Drip. Drip, My eyes were soaked with tears.

The second tower collapsed. Silence persisted around the office as no one had anything good to say. It was surreal. 2500 miles away, something terrible and real was happening and I had no idea how to react or how to know what to do. Nothing.

I went home and just thought about the people stuck in the aftermath. I cried and cried and cried thinking of the firefighters and doctors and police officers and nurses and workers and employees. I cried and cried and cried. For three days I cried. I don't think I accomplised anything in those three days. I just read about the people and their families, about the Pentagon and the field in PA near where I went to Grad school.

These were days I'm glad to remember but that I'd love to forget.

too busy

2006-09-07T18:00:00.000-06:00

More angles in Denver1
Originally uploaded by Photo Doocker.

i'm doing a study right now with a little group in stapleton on "trying vs. training" - it's a pretty good study though a bit shallow at times. nonetheless, it's been valuable.

yesterday was funny though. the weeks chapter and exercises were on the practice of solitude. it explained how busy we are and why we run around so much. not jesus. yeah, he's busy, but not a busybody. he takes walks and finds his resting place.

needless to say, i read the chapter in about 10 minutes during a pseudo lunchbreak. then i laughed.

Reaching for More

2006-09-05T13:18:00.000-06:00

Reaching Hands1
Originally uploaded by Photo Doocker.

I've been out of action for a couple weeks now, as school has started (www.scienceandtech.org) and I've been too busy to care much about my blog. Honestly, it felt kind of good not to worry about it.

I would like to think there are thousands of people out there dying to read my blog every day, but it's really only a few who check it. I aplogize to those who have not seen anything new for awhile. Hopefully, I can start posting twice or thrice a week as to create a bit more balance in my blogging habit.

Anyway, I've really enjoyed my new job and think it's close to perfect for me. There is challenge, intrigue, opportunity for learning, chance for influence and realtionship building. It's great. I struggle from time to time not knowing where my path is in the middle of this, but I'm quite certain that it's to glorify Christ at all times. I hope I can reach out my hand to those who need it and through such action, show the love that's beyond my own.

a walk and smoke

2006-08-18T17:37:00.000-06:00

a walk and smoke
Originally uploaded by Photo Doocker.

do you ever just find yourself walking. walking. but you don't know where you're going. like sometimes i'll walk to the top of the stairs thinking i need to use the bathroom and then forget why i went in. it's weird.

i mean, sometimes i really like walking aimlessly. like through a park or through the woods or around a lake with nowhere in particular to go. just going.

but to walk somewhere only to forget why you've come is annoying. i walked into my kitchen today but forgot why i was there. oh yeah, i needed to wash my glasses off in the sink.

the chains of greed

2006-08-16T17:45:00.000-06:00

Neds man from the front again
Originally uploaded by Photo Doocker.

I know what I should do, but I do not do it. I know what I do not want to do and I do it anyway. I relate to Paul. Sin is contagious and infectious. It takes small cracks and little fissures and makes them into grand canyons and gaping crevasses. One such instance is greed.

Greed chains us to ourselves. Greed ties us unto ourselves which in the end is just selfish misery. I struggle against it everyday in the United States. It's weird you know.

When living in Amsterdam, I feel like I struggled very little against greed and coveting. Ok, well, I did. But, it's not like here. It seems everyone has a nicer car and nicer house and nicer bike, etc... and if only I had those things I'd be happier.

Of course, I know that's not true. But I want those things anyway. I want a Porshe Cayenne Turbo and a 3500 sq. ft. house and top of the line Trek. I want bigger, faster and more expensive. It's in my nature and it's something I fight against each and every day.

I'm reminded though of the great ancient philosopher, Jesus - who said you cannot worship both God and money. It's true. When focused on the desires of this world, I cannot possibly be freed to focus on the desires of my true heart, of love and grace and hope. These are only through Christ and Christ alone. It's better that way.

power of relationship

2006-08-15T12:27:00.000-06:00

the crew
Originally uploaded by Photo Doocker.

I just finished reading the Learning Leader, a great book on education reform. In it, the author talks extensively about leadership in schools and the various forms it takes. It was mostly the usual about vision and organization and process and example - all forms of leadership. But where it really struck me was in relationship.

He showed this statistic. Relationships are three times more influential in an organization that analystical skills. Think about that, three times more influential. Relationships matter.

risk reward

2006-08-14T14:55:00.000-06:00

Paraglide_alps1
Originally uploaded by Photo Doocker.

I know it's cliched, but the greater the risk, the greater the reward. Have you heard that before...? I'm sure you have. Getting married is a great risk. Skydivng is a great risk. Having a child is a great risk. Going on a 80 mile bike ride with 9000 ft of verticl climbing is a great risk. But the rewards are almost incalcuable, if that's such a word. You get the point though. In most cases, it seems the more risk you are willing to tolerate, the more potential reward waits in the balance.

Following Jesus is a great risk. You may be persecuted. You may be mistreated. You may be hurt, damaged, pressed and crushed. But, we are promised not to be destroyed. And in that, there is great hope and great reward. The risk of following Jesus in our world is real, but the reward in eternity is unfathomable.

In this picture you see a hang glider over the Alps taking a huge risk in flight. I think you'll agree with me though, that his reward is well beyond the risk. Maybe following Jesus is too...

Bono dropping knowledge

2006-08-12T16:04:00.000-06:00

I stole this set of quotes from my friend Dave...like em or hate em, Bono is the real deal...

* "The most rewarding part of this past year? Selfishly, it is to wake up with a melody in my head and heart. But beyond my music it is the work we are doing on the ONE campaign."
* “I never had a problem with Christ…it was Christians that gave me problems…they seemed completely disinterested culturally and politically…they seemed very strange to me.”
* “The world works on the principle of Karma, what you put out comes back to you…but then enters the story of Grace in the person in Christ and it turned the world on it’s head.”
* “Duality is the mark of really great art…it’s what is missing in Christian art…the tension. The attempt to wrestle truth to the ground is often absent.”
* “Much of gospel music seems fake to me…pretending that everything is o.k…I relate more to the blues…that sounds like the song of David.”
* “Jesus was either a Charles Manson – a nut case…or he was who he said he was. I’m so fascinated by a child born into straw poverty. The Christmas story is a remarkable story that never ceases to amaze me.”
* “How in a world of plenty can people be left to starve? We think, ‘it’s just the way of the world’. And if it is the ‘way of the world’ we must overthrow the ‘way of the world.’”
* “Redemption is an economic term.”
* “What else are you going to do with this thing called, ‘celebrity’…it’s absolutely ridiculous…but it is currency…and I decided I was going to spend mine.”
* “What else are you going to do with this thing called, ‘celebrity’…it’s absolutely ridiculous…but it is currency…and I decided I was going to spend mine.”
* “God has made me an opportunist.”
* “Great ideas are like great melodies…they are memorable and a moral force whose time has come…and there is a movement behind them.”
* “The reason the church has been slow to respond is that the church has historically always been behind the curve: civil rights, apartheid... The church is afraid of politics…” The second reason the church has been so slow is less palatable…the church has been very judgmental about the AIDS virus…it believes that it is about people living irresponsibly. Only 6% of evangelicals felt like they were to act in response to the AIDS epidemic. But the Christ will not let the church walk away from the AIDS emergency…it’s like a car crash…we have to act. AIDS is the leprosy of our age. But then something tragic happened…the church woke up and began to act…and they ruined it for me…I couldn’t hate the church anymore.”
* “Love your neighbor is not advice…it’s a command. Should an accident of longitude and latitude really decide whether you live or whether you die? 2003 verses in scripture are about the poor, second only to personal salvation in the scriptures. Jesus speaks of judgment only once and that is the passage in Matthew where we are asked: ‘who clothed the naked?’ and ‘who fed the poor?’ and ‘who visited those in prison’? That defines whether you as part of the Kingdom or not.”
* “If the Christian church can lead this movement…it can irradiate malaria in 10 years…and then AIDS…”
* “Stop asking God to bless what you are doing…find out what God is doing – it is already blessed!”
* “This generation could end stupid poverty…we really can fix that in our generation.”
* “’Thy kingdom come on earth as it is in heaven’ is the phrase that grabs me…in every detail of our lives we need to seek that.”
* “The world is more malleable than you think.”
* "Bill has convinced me of the importance of the church as the moral and practical infrastructure for solving the worlds problems…open the doors of your churches and make them an AIDS campaign. Your charity is important, but your passion for justice is needed…I’m asking for your voice and for you to give permission to fix these problems that are fixable. It’s not a burden, it’s an opportunity…it’s an adventure.”

Right in the Middle

2006-08-11T15:46:00.000-06:00

Cretian Window
Originally uploaded by Photo Doocker.

Right in the middle - of love, of relationship, of community. That's where I want to be. It seems the middle is like a window of opportunity with so many places to reach. The middle doesn't mean the center of attention, rather it means immersed or engulfed. I think of it more like I'm swimming in love, relationship and community. When you are in a pool you can't help but to get wet.

I this in so many teaching of Christ. He wants us to be engulfed in him, to be immersed in his love and his grace - or in other words, to be fully alive in Him. There is community through him and in Him. It begs the question - is there really any other place I'd rather be...?

this one goes out to Seth

2006-08-10T17:51:00.000-06:00

lots of people and my favorite food
Originally uploaded by Photo Doocker.

Falafel is good. Maoz falafel is good falafel.

Throughout Amsterdam, there are these great stands with large lettering - MAOZ. This was my sign to start salivating. Seriously. You walk up, "Groote Falafel alsjeblieft." That's all it takes. One sentence, three words, and within about two minutes you get to load up your warm pita with all the fixings your heart desires - carrots, lettuce, peppers, and garlic sauce. B-E-A-Utiful. I could go for one right now, but I'm about 4000 miles short.

Still, MAOZ, makes me think of Seth. I used to go there with him. We would walk from the Leidsekade, down the canal, across the street and wind our way through to the good livin. Most often, we would talk about how we weren't making any money and wondering if we ever would...? Would our wives put up with our nonsense forever...? Would we make it in Amsterdam...? Those were tough questions to deal with on a day to day basis and maybe that's why we needed the falafel fix. It was genuine and real. Once we learned the smash technique it got even better. I always left that place with a smile, a full belly and some terrible breath. Good stuff.

Seth reminds me of falafel and falafel reminds me of Seth. That's some good times.

a love so beautiful

2006-08-09T10:29:00.000-06:00

Hiking Lower Maxwell Falls (9)
Originally uploaded by Photo Doocker.

If you have kids, I hope you will know what I mean. Love. Simply. I shouldn't even write anything else. I look at him and my heart is immediately soft and alive, smiling at the moment.

He is growing so fast now. He speaks in full sentences though he doesn't use words. He runs. He runs so fast that his legs can't aways keep up. He falls. But he gets back up. He runs, arms wide into my open arms and jumps for me. It is the best of feelings.

When he sleeps he sticks his little butt in the air and folds his arms underneath his chest to stay warm. It doesn't look comfortable to me. I've tried it and only lasted a couple minutes. He likes it though. Sometimes I go in his room at night and watch him sleep. I peer through the rails that make up his bed and just stare. I cry once in awhile overwhelmed by him. He was so little and helpless. Now he is getting so big and independent. He's still only 16 months.

He tries to use a spoon and fork. He eats cantaloupe like I do. He pushes a little play cart around pretending he's on an important mission. He quacks like a duck and roars like a lion. He plays non-stop with the energy of ten grown men.

He fell asleep on my back while hiking the other day. I loved it. His head rested against me neck as I tried my best to walk smoothly over decidedly uneven terrain. He must not have noticed though.

He hugs me. He gives me open mouth kisses. He loves me and I love him too and it's so, so beautiful.

brightness in the woods

2006-08-08T08:57:00.000-06:00

Hiking Lower Maxwell Falls (2)
Originally uploaded by Photo Doocker.

So, I was reading Total Truth last night by Nancy Pearcey. I was astounded yet again by the idea of two things:

1) There is a Total Truth. As much as the society in which we live fights against such a notion, it is there and it is real. It is Christ. He was born of a virgin named Mary, conceived by God as his only son. He lived a righteous life unincumbered by the death of sin. He related to us in mind, body and spirit. He was beaten, tortured and whipped because he spoke and lived the Truth. He died. But, he rose again to wipe away every tear from the eye of the human race. Sin cannot and no longer will overcome. Jesus has.

2) As a Christians we are called not only to stand out against the backdrop of culture in which we live and grow, but also to dramatically change the worldview in which our society sees. It is not just about the individual affecting change; it is about the community of believers putting on a different set of glassed through which to see. The glasses are tinted with grace, hope and love, all of which come from the glory of Christ.

This is some great stuff.

leaving the concrete jungle behind

2006-08-07T17:01:00.000-06:00

Hiking Lower Maxwell Falls (6)
Originally uploaded by Photo Doocker.

I've been posting many times in the past year about how much I miss Amsterdam and indeed I do. The city has cast its spell on my in a very real and relevant way.

Sometimes though, I am grateful to be somewhere else - Colorado. Jayla and I went hiking yesterday on the Lower Maxwell Falls Trail outside of Evergreen, Colorado with our friends Joe and Shelley, our boys (Asher and Jay) and our two dogs (Leo and Hali). Living in Amsterdam, I often missed the "great outdoors" and the escape it provides from the madness of city or suburban living. Yesterday was just such an escape.

It took us less than 45 minutes to get from my house in east Denver to the trailhead southwest of Evergreen. As we tied up our shoes, loaded the boys into backpacks and leashed the dogs, I realized we were in for a great adventure. Entering the forest of tall pines, we walked slowly through glorious scents of pine and moss. Trees all around us were reaching heavenward grasping for pieces of light left for them by those above. Ferns, wildflowers and fingerlings graced formed a green ground cover so pleasantly reminiscint of my days hiking in the mountains of North Carolina. It has just rained for three straight days, so the typical dry Colorado climate had been replaced by a more temperate, moist one with even a touch of humidity in the air.

We meandered along the trail gazing left and right, up and down interupted only by the occasional whimper of one of the boys asking for something to drink or eat. Leo and Hali were zigzagging back and forth frolicking in the beautiful playland they were meant to roam. It was the outdoors.

I miss Amsterdam alright, but it sure was great to be in the woods.

learning God through son

2006-08-04T09:54:00.000-06:00

Asher with shoes.jpg
Originally uploaded by Photo Doocker.

I learned something about the Lord Almoghty today.

I caught a glimpse of how the God must feel when bad things happen to us, whether provoked or unprovoked. This morning, after finishing making some pancakes for myself and Asher, I turned from the stove to put something in the sink. And, as I turned back around towards the stove, it was just in time to see Asher reaching for the griddle, which was still very hot. It was a "matrix" moment as if everything went into slow motion. I realized what was about to happen, but could do nothing to stop it.

Asher reached up and wrapped his precious little fingers over the edge of the griddle and for what seemed like a lifetime, held on. I'm sure it wasn't more than a tenth of a second., but it was long enough that in that time he was gasping for breath as the pain registered from the ends of his fingertips, up his little arms, through his nervous system and into his brain, where millions of little pain receptors sounded an alarm all at once.

Both Asher and I were frightened and hurt. His pain was tangible and physical - real. My pain was just as real, only it struck me deep within my heart. I had just witnessed my son learn something very important - HOT. I took the necessary steps to ease the pain - running his hand under cold water, applying burn cream and most importantly holding on tight. I held him as he screamed and screamed as I have held never before. He was me. For that moment, nothing in the world - nothing - could have separated me from this little boy. As much as the water and the cream helped, I think he too wanted nothing more than to be close - a hug, a tight hug. He wanted love.

Through this unfortunate even in our house this morning, I learned something ever so important. I am loved just the same by an eternal Father. He sees me do things both in accident and on purpose and he doesn't stop me. But he helps me through. And, in those moments of greatest need it sure does feel good to be loved.

growing weary and tired

2006-08-03T12:13:00.000-06:00

Ben at window
Originally uploaded by Photo Doocker.

in relating to a post from a couple days ago about mystery, i have contemplated about it yet again. this following passage is one of the best known in the Bible and one of my favorite nevertheless:

28 Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.

29 He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.

30 Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;

31 but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.

and what strikes me most going through it this time is actually two things. first, we cannot fathom God's wisdom and understanding. we cannot. not we can almost which is good enough or we are pretty smart too, but we cannot. my problem with this is that i continue to try over and over and over and over to be God. I want his knowledge, not too unlike adam and eve. i hate admitting this. i want to know the answers though. but i cannot.

secondly, something slightly new popped out at me in regards to my relationship with the Almighty. i could be wrong, but i don't think He ever guarantees a free ride through life. his grace abundantly covers us and he washes our garments clean as the driven snow. but never, does he say, "all will be gone, here is a free ride." no, it's quite the opposite actually. instead, he commends us in our suffering and trials and hardships and tells us "though life is hard, I will be with you and give you strength." he gives us what we need to make it through the valleys of life rather than what we need to skirt around them. it's a wild thing really. we are not meant to run from life and but to live it to the full and in doing so, have the strength of Christ himself living in us. wow.

toil in vain

2006-08-02T16:08:00.000-06:00

Screened worker #2
Originally uploaded by calistan.

" ... my chosen shall long enjoy the work of their hands. They shall not labor in vain" (Isaiah 65:22-23)

There is a great article on Sojourners right now about the minimum wage. This stuff really rattles my cage. Check it out:

Minimum wage double-cross in Congress
by Yonce Shelton

Good friends and a toast

2006-08-01T11:11:00.000-06:00

Zolder50 staff and Bibles (4)
Originally uploaded by Photo Doocker.

sometimes when i'm lonely i think of my brothers and sisters in amsterdam. i miss them dearly. for three years, we were intertwined, like morning glory growing up the nearly fence. wrapping, curling, twisting together. we knew each other in a way which few people do.

they are still there, well most of them and i'm not. not physically anyway. i'm with them though. there is nothing like a friendship to kindle warm thoughts of the heart. nothing quite like it at all. i'm warm inside from the times i shared with them - linda, lee, patricia, chris, eva, eric, leslie and todd. there are many more, but these are those in the picture. and i'm learning that there is no friendship that can quite copare to those which are celebrated through serving together for the sake of christ. nothing.

all of a sudden, i'm in fellowship with the apostle paul who so steadfastly prayed for and encouraged his brothers and sisters in places like ephesis and greece and rome and phlippi. in some small way, i too hope to be an encouragement for those still serving dutifully in amsterdam.

i pray for you, my spiritual family, that you may understand the depths of christ's love. i pray that you will use the amazing power of the gospel to its full in reaching those who not yet know the riches of grace in abundance. i have no doubts that you will steadfastly and diligently walk through many valleys in order that you will find a resting place high upon the hills, where the view is nothing short of splendor. keep on keepin on my friends. i love you.

a mystery gained...

2006-07-31T12:06:00.000-06:00

i feel like i need to know. lots of things i mean. like mysteries - i like mysteries. but i only like them when i get to find out what happens in the end. that's why i think i have a hard time sometimes with regards to my faith. it's a mystery. and though i know what i believe and i know what i think i know, i don't necessary believe what i know.

so for example, i believe in the following (otherwise known as the apostles creed):

I believe in God, the Father Almighty,
the Creator of heaven and earth,
and in Jesus Christ, His only Son, our Lord:

Who was conceived of the Holy Spirit,
born of the Virgin Mary,
suffered under Pontius Pilate,
was crucified, died, and was buried.

He descended into hell.

The third day He arose again from the dead.

He ascended into heaven
and sits at the right hand of God the Father Almighty,
whence He shall come to judge the living and the dead.

I believe in the Holy Spirit, the holy catholic church,
the communion of saints,
the forgiveness of sins,
the resurrection of the body,
and life everlasting.

Amen.

and i know these things are true because i read them in the bible, because the longing in my heart shows me the truth and becuase experience tells me so. and yet, there is still so much left to mystery, a mystery in which i can believe in the ending and know it's true, but i won't experience it for awhile.

this is hard for me.

it's not like the end of a movie when you know the mystery will end, or at the end of american idol when they boot someone off the show. you get to know the end. you solve the mystery. maybe i'm a product of the modern world - i want things now. i don't want to wait for the mystery to be unveiled. the mystery of life. the mystery of christ.

but i was reading in colossians a day or two ago and was comforted. read if for yourself. the mystery in which i place my hope is not of this world or of this time or of this place. the mystery is eternal love and sufficient grace and unbreakable hope - it is CHRIST.

Now I rejoice in what was suffered for you, and I fill up in my flesh what is still lacking in regard to Christ's afflictions, for the sake of his body, which is the church. I have become its servant by the commission God gave me to present to you the word of God in its fullness— the mystery that has been kept hidden for ages and generations, but is now disclosed to the saints. To them God has chosen to make known among the Gentiles the glorious riches of this mystery, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory.

We proclaim him, admonishing and teaching everyone with all wisdom, so that we may present everyone perfect in Christ. To this end I labor, struggling with all his energy, which so powerfully works in me.

I want you to know how much I am struggling for you and for those at Laodicea, and for all who have not met me personally. My purpose is that they may be encouraged in heart and united in love, so that they may have the full riches of complete understanding, in order that they may know the mystery of God, namely, Christ, in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge.
Colossians 1:24-2:3

$1318 per second

2006-07-27T09:13:00.000-06:00

Are you serious...? This is rediculous.

Exxon Mobil makes over $10 billion
No. 1 U.S. oil company earns $1,318 a second -topping forecasts - but comes in just shy of a record.
By Steve Hargreaves, CNNMoney.com staff writer
July 27 2006: 10:09 AM EDT

NEW YORK (CNNMoney.com) -- Profits at Exxon Mobil surged 36 percent to a near record $10.4 billion in the second quarter as surging oil prices helped the world's largest publicly traded company soundly beat Wall Street forecasts.

The company's profit - which amounts to a cool $1,318 a second - is the second biggest ever reported by a U.S. company, behind only the $10.7 billion Exxon itself earned in the fourth quarter of 2005.

Big oil dominates
One look at the largest corporations in the world and a single conclusion jumps out: Natural resources are driving the global economy as never before.

PO'd at the pump
Some small business owners are turning their frustration over high oil and gas prices into big bucks.

Big Oil's pain
While record prices have produced record profits, they have also helped make crude a lot more expensive to pump.

The earnings equaled $1.72 a share, topping the $1.64 a share analysts had forecast on average, according to First Call.

The $1,318 a second would buy enough gasoline, even at the current $3 a gallon average, to drive a Hummer H3 between Los Angeles and New York three times.

New York-based Exxon Mobil caught considerable flack from the general public for its record fourth quarter, which came soon after gasoline prices hit record highs.

Compounding matters, the company gave its outgoing CEO Lee Raymond a retirement package worth about $350 million around the same time.

That combination of events led to a public outcry calling for restrictions to CEO pay, and from lawmakers who wanted to institute a windfall profits tax on the oil industry or even break up some of the oil giants that merged in the 1990s.

But the industry says that oil prices fluctuate widely over time and that, in the long run, it's actually less profitable than a number of other industries.

Officials have also argued against a government-forced break up, saying oil companies need to be big to compete in a global market against foreign state-run firms, some of which are larger than Exxon Mobil.

Surging oil prices helped Exxon in the quarter, when crude prices jumped 31 percent.

Exxon said spending on exploration and production rose 8 percent in the quarter, to $4.9 billion.

That may be good news for investors, who have been concerned that high oil prices would lead to company to boost spending even further.

But it might be bad news for consumers hoping that more oil on the market would help lower gas prices.

Industry experts say that it's getting increasingly expensive for oil companies to get easily refinable crude oil out of the ground.

At the same time, high prices have led to surging demand for exploration and drilling equipment, and workers, causing the price of such services to jump roughly 15 percent a year over the last several years, industry executives and analysts say.

Then there's the geological fact that new, large, high-quality oil fields are simply getting harder to find.

Meanwhile, new production hasn't kept pace with surging demand - not only from the United States, but from China, India and other rapidly growing economies - which has driven prices up nearly fourfold, from around $20 a barrel in early 2002 to a trading high of $78.40 earlier this month on the New York Mercantile Exchange.

Tensions in the Middle East and other parts of the world and speculative buying by big investment funds has also helped fuel the runup.

way too fat!!!!

2006-07-26T21:00:00.000-06:00

Check out this article about obesity in America. This is crazy:

Study: More Americans too fat for X-rays, scans

It's especially crazy cause my next door neighbor was just telling me about how in New Orleans he had to use extra long needles on some people to get the epideral into the spine - because they were too fat. Yikes

more from the road

2006-07-25T11:36:00.000-06:00

Photo Wednesday

2006-07-12T15:38:00.000-06:00

I haven't posted in quite some time now, but I thought I'd come back with some shots of my recent road trip to Durango, CO. What a beautiful drive. If you ever get the chance - take a ride to Durango.

character over personality

2006-06-27T15:51:00.000-06:00

It has been impressing on my for quite some time now - character is much more important than personality. Well, I'm reading the "7 Habits of Highly Effective People" right now and it's only confirming my conviction on this. Covey speaks candidly about the differences between CHARACTER ETHICS and PERSONALITY ETHICS. I don't have time to explain here so maybe you could pick up the book, but it's some good stuff. Here are a few quotes in relation the the aforementined subject of character versus personality.

It becomes obvious that if we want to make relatively minor changes in our lives, we can perhaps appropriately focus on our attitudes and behaviors (personality). But if we want to make significant, quantum change, we need to work on our character.

In the words of Thoreau, "For every thousand hacking at the leaves of evil, there is one striking at the root." We can only achieve quantum improvements in our lives when we quit hacking at the leaves of attitude and behavior and get to work on the root, the paradigm from which our attitudes and behaviors flow.

Jesus probably couldn't agree more.

more nature...

2006-06-26T16:04:00.000-06:00

I was another ride this past Friday around Evergreen which is in the foothills surrounding Denver. It was a 60 mile ride with 6000 feet of climbing. Awesome. I saw tons of wildlife again. It was beautiful!

Bull Elk

Mule Deer

Hummingbird

Buffalo

a link to some thoughts about church

2006-06-22T10:19:00.000-06:00

In my friend Todd's blog he posted today about Thoughts on Church. His thoughts are summarized from a book called Houses That Change the World, by Wolfgang Simpson.

I like these thoughts, especially in regard to the general point that today's church (and when I say so, I mean the Western Culture version and I mean, in general) is ME oriented. It's about the individual. The individual salvation. The individual membership. The individual worship. It's kind of funny, because in the middle of this ME-centric church world is the desire for churches to grow Super-sized. the first question is always, "well, how many people come...?" or "how many have been saved...?" Are these the right questions.

No.

These are the by products of something engrained in people by Western Church. How Big...? How fast...? How many...?

Shouldn't the questions be more like... what are you doing to equip believers...? what are you doing to help people grow in the knowledge of God...? what is your missional value system...? If these questions don't all have the same answer, then we are going down the wrong path. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. It's not because I think so, because honestly, it doesn't matter what I think. It matters because Jesus tells us so.

The Great Command. The Great Commission. The new Command. Simple. Jesus.

another refugee...

2006-06-20T15:14:00.000-06:00

here is another good refugee article from CNN...

refugee allstars...

2006-06-20T10:53:00.000-06:00

It's World Refugee Day... check out details at
Amnesty International
UNICEF
Human Rights Watch

Here is a good article about the refugee crisis in Africa at present... and an excerpt...

ENTEBBE, Uganda (CNN) -- Just imagine for a moment that everything you own -- from your hard-earned money to your home to your car to little mementos like pictures on the wall -- has just been taken from you by a group of people who don't like the way you look or the shade of your skin or the shape of your nose. Everything gone except, perhaps, the clothes on your back.

You've been forced to flee, probably separated from your family and end up on the run with a bunch of people you've never met, but with whom you now share a common goal -- staying alive.

Many hours or even days later, you arrive at a shelter run by an international nongovernmental organization.

You're tired, exhausted, sick to your stomach and scared to death. You end up sharing a tent with 40 to 60 other strangers where your bathroom, bedroom and kitchen combined have all been reduced to little more than the size of a normal bed.

And this will be your home for the next few months, perhaps years, and in some cases, decades. This is what it's like for a person fleeing persecution, war, civil strife, genocide.

Imagine living like this for years if not decades, raising your family in a refugee camp because you can't go home. Even if you do manage to go home, you learn someone else has taken over your land, your home, your life.

the most controversial film ever...

2006-06-19T10:58:00.000-06:00

The Passion was just listed by Entertainment Weekly as the most controversial film of all time. It shouldn't surprise me though as Jesus himself predicted the very same thing (well, not about the movie, but about following him.)

What am I doing...?

2006-06-15T09:50:00.000-06:00

I ask this question, because this is again the question I am asking myself almost constantly over the past few days (and for that matter few years). I think in its own way, the World Cup has brought up yet another challenging idea to me. What I'm seeing about the beauty of soccer, I mean football, and indeed why it's the world's game, is because all races, all creeds and all income levels play this stinkin game. There is no race barrier, no income barrier and no country barrier. It's for everyone. You don't need an expensive bike like in cycling. You don't need to shell out $30 every time you want to play like in golf. You don't need skis, and boots and poles and $100, like everytime you want to go skiing. You don't need to have shoulder pads or goalposts or hoops or ice or snow or water. You just need some land and a ball or a coconut. Barefeet. No problem. No money. No problem. You, some friends, some space and some make shift goals. Game on.

What it makes me realize is that I want my life to be like football, the world's game. I want my life to reflect a simplicity of action and thought which excludes no one. I don't want race, ethnicity, economics or politics to ever separate me from someone else. I think of the U2 line "where we live should not determine whether we live or die."

And, yet I want that simplicity to also reflect a passion and intensity that draws others in. Have you seen the fans at the World Cup... insane. I want people to be attracted to a lifestyle not my own, but of a greater love. The passion I dream others see in me is the passion gained through a philosophy and lifestyle of following Christ. I think of the rich man who asked Jesus what it takes to enter the Kingdom of God and Jesus simply answered. "Go and sell all your possessions and come follow me." Wow.

So, anyway, I'm just thinking. What can I do to seperate myself from the politics of this world and start living in such a way that is to live... fully alive I mean...? Or, as Paul puts it "to live is Christ and to die is gain."

this is fighting music...

2006-06-09T12:26:00.000-06:00

PHOTO FRIDAY - another picture of Asher - in fighting mode...

So, I've been listening to a lot of Bob Dylan, Rage Against the Machine, Bob Marley and Public Enemy lately. I used to listen to a lot of Rage and Public Enemy but not much over the past few years. Anyway, I've been drawn to them because their music represents something more than just music. It represents something about justice and reflection and oppression and more. Their music has a message.

Rage talks of injustice in Mexico, Dylan of the war in Vietnam, Marley of oppression in the Caribbean, and Public Enemy of the African American race. I'm inspired by these musicians to let me actions speak louder than my words. Plus, I like their music.

But, I don't find too many artists out there today who have done what these guys have done for music. Do you know any contemporary musicians who speak out against the injustices of the world (besides U2) - please let me know if you know any, I'd love to take a listen.

a nature tour...

2006-06-05T11:55:00.000-06:00

One of the great things about moving back to Colorado from Amsterdam has been riding my bike. Yesterday I rode from Loveland up to Estes Park through the Devil's Gulch, back down Big Thompson Canyon, through Masonville and to our house in Fort Collins. It was about 76 miles with 5000 ft. of elevation gain (can see a map of the ride here - put it in hybrid and zoom in to see the satellite imagery). I'm no Tour de France type of guy, but I nonetheless enjoy the freedom a bike provides. It also gives you a chance to take life on the road a little more slowly.

I can explore. I can feel the wind on my face. I also get to see wildlife and yesterday was no exception. I saw the following animals on my ride.

Mule Deer

Wild Turkey

Red Fox

Rocky Mountain Bighorn Sheep

Photo Friday and other links...

2006-06-02T12:35:00.000-06:00

in the spirit of others like JR who do photos on every Friday, I've decided to join the foray...

***This is my beatiful son Asher playing in a box in our living room. He is a precious example of the glory of God.

Here are a few other useful links...

Todd's post on the Global Day of Prayer

Sander's post about the Dutch Pedophile Party

A great site about Kicking the Oil Habit

before him, I AM

2006-06-01T09:45:00.000-06:00

I've always been one to love sports, and more appropriately the act of getting "in shape." There is something mystical about putting your body to limits that intrigues me and actually, at times, drives me. I often miss the intense nausea which accompanies the moments before football games. I love pushing me body on hill climbs to where it feels like I will pass out in any given blink of time. Call me sick... I like this stuff.

I had a realization today though that knocked me off my feet a bit. It's this. As much as I love to push my body to new limits, I can't say the same for my body and spirit. That is, why won't I push my mind to exhaustion...? and more importantly, why won't I seek the ultimate thrill of knowing Jesus to the full extent possible...? I'm constantly starving myself, not of physical food, but instead of the essential nutrients I need in my spiritual life. In other words, I'm getting fat.

So, I sat down and read a few of my most treasured passages from the Word like Colossians 1, 1 John (the whole book), and Matthew 7. I was reminded of a Jesus who never leaves, never betrays and never fails. I was reminded of the deep and intense desire I have to be in spiritual shape too. I sat down to write and thought about Jesus. Who is he...?

He is the first born over all Creation. He was sent to the Earth by his Father, the Father and Holy of Holies, in order to redeem humanity from sin. He himself was sinless and walked a path of righteousness his entire life. He was born to the Virgin Mary and became flesh such that he might live among us and with us. He was an ordinary man, a carpenter. Ironically, it was us who put him to death by using hammers to nail him to a cross. But death could not hold him. Jesus rose from the dead on the third day. He conquered death on behalf of our sin, so we might live. Though we are not worthy, we have life. He ascended into heaven and now sits at the right hand of the Father. Before being nailed to the wood, he performed miraculous signs and miracles. He healed blind men and lepers and the sick. He forgave sins. He taught in parables about marriage and money and greed and patience and forgiveness and virtue and character and most commonly love. He preached love and knowledge of the Father more than anything else, in fact, he is the essence of love. He believed love, walked love, breathed love and lived a life of love, even until his death when after being arrested, tried and sentenced , he still forgave those who actually nailed him to the cross. He was and is God, has been from the beginning and will be to the new beginning. He is the Redeemer, the Son of the Most High, the Alpha and Omega, the Sacrificial Lamb, the Way, the Truth and the Life. He is the glory of things yet to come and there is no other like him.

It's not much. But it is and was in my own words. Now I must not prepare for the 100m dash, but for the marathon of faith, the Ironman of spiritual growth.

a brutal world...

2006-05-31T13:07:00.000-06:00

I was reading in Jeremiah 22 yesterday, which tells of God's punishment to those who do not follow his commands, about those who use injustice for personal greatness, about those who oppress in order for gain. It's a compelling and convicting section of the Holy Scripture, a warning to be heeded. I realize that in my own ways, I am so full of oppression and injustice and unfairness. I'm certainly not perfect.

However, then I read about some of things happening in our world, and it makes me sick. Read this article I found on CNN about the horrible atrocities being committed in Congo at present. It's nearly unbelievable...talk about injustice and oppression. This is sick.

Rapes, brutality ignored to aid Congo Peace

What I find nearly as challenging and heartbreaking is that the Congolese President didn't even know it was happening, or at least claims he didn't. If the President of a country is not informed, how can the rest of the world understand...? Here is the link that article: Congo president on military rapes - "unforgiveable"

I suppose I only find solace knowing God has it covered. He reigns over all things and one day will judge all of us. I hope I can give account for all I've done under His watchful eyes. Some won't.

Kick the Oil Habit

2006-05-30T21:09:00.000-06:00

here is a great editorial by the famous actor, Robert Redford, promoting Kick the Oil Habit...

SUNDANCE, Utah (CNN) -- Today the American people are way out in front of our leaders. We're ready to face our toughest national challenges, and we deserve new and forward-looking solutions and leadership.

The recent surge in gas prices has touched a raw nerve for many around the country, reminding us of an economy that is increasingly uncertain for the middle-class, a growing addiction to oil that draws us ever closer to dictators and despots, and a fragile global position with a climate that is increasingly out of balance. I believe America is ready to kick the oil habit and launch a new movement for real solutions and a better future.

Something is happening all across the country. People are coming together and demanding new answers. A grassroots movement is gathering today to promote solutions, like renewable fuels, clean electricity, more efficient cars, and green buildings that use less energy -- all of which are exciting alternatives that rebuild our communities even as they cut pollution and create good jobs. And, when people come together to invest themselves in building a better future, we are not only helping to solve our energy crisis, but we are taking back our democracy itself.

You can see this change in many places.

In California this November, voters will be offered an initiative that cuts the use of oil by 25 percent and creates new funding to support innovation and cutting edge technology.

Austin, Texas, is leading a growing number of cities in calling for car companies to produce plug-in hybrid vehicles that can go hundreds of miles on a gallon of gas.

New Mexico has joined the Chicago Climate Exchange, pledging to reduce its carbon emissions, and at the same time becoming a national leader in creating a state-of-the-art clean energy economy.

In Minnesota they have jump-started a new biofuels industry driven by farmer-owned co-ops that are putting more money back into rural communities and lifting up people's lives.

Cities like Seattle are joining with others around the world and taking on goals for green development, while states like Colorado are passing bond initiatives for transit and new requirements for clean energy.

Recently, a dynamic new campaign launched to seize and grow these opportunities and break our energy dependence. It's called KickTheOilHabit.org, and it has the backing of a diverse coalition of organizations. Its first action was to challenge oil companies to double the number of renewable fuel pumps at their stations within the year and pledge to offer E85 ethanol fuel at half of all gas stations within the decade.

This is a simple clear action that the oil companies can do today. But it is only a first step. Many others are ready to be put in action despite industry claims to the contrary.

In coming months, this campaign, which is based at the Center for American Progress and works with partners from the Natural Resources Defense Council to Consumers Union, MoveOn.org to the Apollo Alliance, will launch new challenges to our elected leaders, but it will also point to good work that is already going on all around the country. It will illuminate efforts on Capitol Hill by those who are concerned about the public good as well as the work of a myriad of grassroots groups effectively pushing innovative technological and public policy solutions alike.

Kick the Oil Habit will bring forth the dynamic narrative of American innovation and inspired thinking. It will give everyone who believes we can free ourselves of our dependence on oil, real solutions which embody real opportunity.

There is so much we can do right now. And there is a new groundswell of good organizing and real world actions that we can take today to make this change a reality. The Campaign to Kick the Oil Habit is one way to connect to this growing movement. I hope you will join in transforming the face of America and in working to leave a better world for all of our children. I hope you will join me in signing on to this growing campaign at KickTheOilHabit.org.

nothing...

2006-05-30T16:22:00.000-06:00

i haven't posted in a week now. haven't had any good thoughts i suppose. nothing good to write about. nothing to say really. haven't had the desire or the creativity or even the skills to write anything worth note. it's sad, but not totally.

hopefully, i'll think of something soon.

for those with cats

2006-05-23T13:09:00.000-06:00

For those of you with cats, check out this Cat Video from Google - it's pretty darn funny.

what is influential mean...?

2006-05-19T09:31:00.000-06:00

I found this link (more like stole this link) from my friend Dave's blog. Dave is the pastor at a great church in Naperville called CCC, or better described as the big yellow box. Better yet, Dave is helping to lead a revolution in organic multi site churches - check it out here. Still, I wonder about what it means to be influential...?

The 50 Most Influential Churches in America

Merriam Webster defines influential as to exert influence. And influence is desribed as 1 : to affect or alter by indirect or intangible means : SWAY
2 : to have an effect on the condition or development of : MODIFY.

Anyway, I suppose I'm just thinking about what it means to influence people. Is it about a particular church or particular pastor influencing it's congregation...? Or rather, shouldn't be the church/ pastors job to act as a gateway or impetus to allow Christ's influence...? It's a subtle difference but a significant one nonetheless.

What do you think about the churches of influence...? and what about the subtle difference between being the agent of change or being something that directs a congration to THE agent of change...?

time

2006-05-18T09:15:00.000-06:00

time keeps slipping away
a rare entity
it's all we have in common

can't have more
can't take less
everyone has the same

what will you do with yours?
make a boat
sail the seas
make a friend
walk through trees
what will you see
through the sands of time

it's slipping away you know
you can't have it back
time holds for no one

captured in a bunch of moments
memories lapsing
time waits for nothing

goes quickly in good time
slowly in bad
what a weird aspect of time

what will you do with your time
some use it for evil
and others for good

it will make you happy
sadness though is a greater friend
lonliness the best

a final word
a last tear
an empty word

all find solace
moments of silence
tick tick tick

no friend sees your time
like you see it
no time like your friend

an enemy sucking life
from your world
what time is it anyway?

make the most of it
three years
so many miracles

crowds, followers, kings
time held still
then it swooped and killed

but time could not stop
what was meant to be
what will you do with your time...?

***coincidentally, these pictures above are of my friend Steve taken in the fall of 2002 in Amsterdam. Sometimes I wonder what time has done to Steve. Steve, what do you think of time...?

land of the empty plate...

2006-05-11T10:27:00.000-06:00

Today I met Maxwell. He works for a catering company and is often in the building I work refilling sodas and drinks. I don't like making people feel like they are inferior. We are in our nice clothes, our suits, our "white-collar" wardrobes. We are for the most part white. They are in their uniforms. They are blue collar. It always feels like "us and them" in the business world. I don't like that. So, I talk to the janitors, the drink refillers, the security guards. Their names are Tim and James and Maxwell.

Maxwell is from Zimbabwe. He was born and raised there and has lived in the States for about three years now. He is married and watches the BBC. Maxwell is black. He is different than me and yet so much the same. I asked him about Zimbabwe and if the things I hear and read are true...is Mugabe that bad...? Was Britain at fault for what has become of the country...? who is who there...? It was great talking with Maxwell. Enlightening. We aren't too different. He didn't know about who was to blame. He did know that there is a problem in Zimbabwe - no food - of course there is food for the rich, but no food for the poor.

Before the civil war in 1980, Britain controlled Zimbabwe and thus, white men controlled Zimbabwe. White men had big farms. White men had big food. Civil War takes place, dictators happen, power happens, Mugabe happens. Food is scarce. Farmers are killed. Less food. People die. Maxwell knows change must happen or his country will continue downhill. He is leaving in two weeks for a two week trip to his come country. I wished him well.

Then I found this article on the food problem in Zimbabwe. Check it out...

Famine plagues Zimbabwe
Up to seven million Zimbabweans face starvation

By Fergal Keane
BBC correspondent in Zimbabwe

Posing as tourists, we evaded President Robert Mugabe's police and his army of spies and found, hidden from the world, a nation's tragedy.

Hungry people queue for the meagre rations offered by church workers - their children's hair already changing colour from malnutrition. The elderly too are beginning to suffer terribly - not much food and not much hope of it either. Misrule, corruption and drought are combining to make a catastrophe.

Scavenging
Among the poorest of the poor, some compete with wild animals for what they can scavenge. Many people have abandoned their homes in search of food and work.

"For three days I haven't eaten, because of this I have no energy, that is why you see me here," explained one man that we met.

Yet the commercial farms that could have provided much of the food needed are lying abandoned, their owners forced out. Jenny Parsons, one such farmer, and her children, tried to visit their family farm and were attacked by government supporters.

"Every time I tried to get back to the truck to protect the kids more of them came and started punching me and kicking me into a hallway," she recounted.

Even the children were not spared. "They were trying to treat me like a dog, as if I were dirt," explained one of her sons, tears streaming down his face. "It was really scary."

Torture chambers

Fear now rules Zimbabwe. Harare, the capital, now has secret torture chambers. Being caught filming could mean up to two years in jail. As the economic crisis gets worse so does the level of government repression. Nobody who opposes the government now is safe from torture, from arbitrary imprisonment.

We met a group of people, many of them high profile, who have just been released from police custody. In this country even members of parliament and human rights lawyers can end up in torture chambers. All of those we met said they had been subjected to electric shock torture.

"They electrified me on my genitals, on my toes, in my mouth, and they said 'this is the mouth you use to defend human rights,'" said Gabriel Shumba, a human rights lawyer.

"The world must know of the kind of life that the people of Zimbabwe are living under. It is terrible," Job Sikhala, an opposition member of parliament, said from his hospital bed, where he is recovering.

'Land of empty plate'

Petrol queues throughout the city are a symptom of the crisis.

The England cricket squad will see them when they visit, but the government will crack down hard on any demonstrators. That is just one reason why the mayor of Harare, Elias Mudzuri, wants the England cricketers to stay at home.

"How many more people are likely to be dragged into the cells because they think they are perceived to be disturbing the cricket and the cricket people must be seen to be seeing that Zimbabwe is a good destination?" he asked.

Back in the rural areas the people gather wild plants, a traditional meal in times of hardship. The United Nations warns that seven million people now face starvation.

This is my third undercover trip into Zimbabwe in the last 12 months and the situation has deteriorated drastically. Yet nobody here seems to doubt that change is coming. The only question is whether it will be peaceful or violent.

This land of the empty plate attracts little attention from the powerful nations of the world, but they could soon find themselves facing a dramatic crisis here.

things i learned from the divinci code

2006-05-09T09:03:00.000-06:00

The following in a wonderful interview with Brian Mclaren (author of a New Kind of Christian, among other books) regarding the Davinci Code which will be released worldwide on May 19th.

I love this article because McLaren takes such a fresh approach to the whole "Davinci Dilemma." While every Christian and their mother argues over and over about the fiction in the story and why its blasphomous, McLaren talks about trying to understand what our culture is saying to us. Why is our culture so intrigued by the Jesus of the Davinci Code...? What are the factors playing into it's popularity and the story that's told...? Maybe we can learn something from this... check out the interview and judge for yourself...

Brian McLaren on The Da Vinci Code
An interview by Lisa Ann Cockrel
With The Da Vinci Code poised to go from bestseller list to the big screen on May 19, pastor and writer (and Sojourners board member) Brian McLaren talks about why he thinks there's truth in the controversial book's fiction.

What do you think the popularity of The Da Vinci Code reveals about pop culture attitudes toward Christianity and the church?

Brian McLaren: I think a lot of people have read the book, not just as a popular page-turner but also as an experience in shared frustration with status-quo, male-dominated, power-oriented, cover-up-prone organized Christian religion. We need to ask ourselves why the vision of Jesus hinted at in Dan Brown's book is more interesting, attractive, and intriguing to these people than the standard vision of Jesus they hear about in church. Why would so many people be disappointed to find that Brown's version of Jesus has been largely discredited as fanciful and inaccurate, leaving only the church's conventional version? Is it possible that, even though Brown's fictional version misleads in many ways, it at least serves to open up the possibility that the church's conventional version of Jesus may not do him justice?

So you think The Da Vinci Code taps into dissatisfaction with Jesus as we know him?

McLaren: For all the flaws of Brown's book, I think what he's doing is suggesting that the dominant religious institutions have created their own caricature of Jesus. And I think people have a sense that that's true. It's my honest feeling that anyone trying to share their faith in America today has to realize that the Religious Right has polluted the air. The name "Jesus" and the word "Christianity" are associated with something judgmental, hostile, hypocritical, angry, negative, defensive, anti-homosexual, etc. Many of our churches, even though they feel they represent the truth, actually are upholding something that's distorted and false.

I also think that the whole issue of male domination is huge and that Brown's suggestion that the real Jesus was not as misogynist or anti-woman as the Christian religion often has been is very attractive. Brown's book is about exposing hypocrisy and cover-up in organized religion, and it is exposing organized religion's grasping for power. Again, there's something in that that people resonate with in the age of pedophilia scandals, televangelists, and religious political alliances. As a follower of Jesus I resonate with their concerns as well.

Do you think the book contains any significantly detrimental distortions of the Christian faith?

McLaren: The book is fiction and it's filled with a lot of fiction about a lot of things that a lot of people have already debunked. But frankly, I don't think it has more harmful ideas in it than the Left Behind novels. And in a certain way, what the Left Behind novels do, the way they twist scripture toward a certain theological and political end, I think Brown is twisting scripture, just to other political ends. But at the end of the day, the difference is I don't think Brown really cares that much about theology. He just wanted to write a page-turner and he was very successful at that.

Many Christians are also reading this book and it's rocking their preconceived notions - or lack of preconceived notions - about Christ's life and the early years of the church. So many people don't know how we got the canon, for example. Should this book be a clarion call to the church to say, "Hey, we need to have a body of believers who are much more literate in church history." Is that something the church needs to be thinking about more strategically?

McLaren: Yes! You're exactly right. One of the problems is that the average Christian in the average church who listens to the average Christian broadcasting has such an oversimplified understanding of both the Bible and of church history - it would be deeply disturbing for them to really learn about church history. I think the disturbing would do them good. But a lot of times education is disturbing for people. And so if The Da Vinci Code causes people to ask questions and Christians have to dig deeper, that's a great thing, a great opportunity for growth. And it does show a weakness in the church giving either no understanding of church history or a very stilted, one-sided, sugarcoated version.

On the other hand, it's important for me to say I don't think anyone can learn good church history from Brown. There's been a lot of debunking of what he calls facts. But again, the guy's writing fiction so nobody should be surprised about that. The sad thing is there's an awful lot of us who claim to be telling objective truth and we actually have our own propaganda and our own versions of history as well.

Let me mention one other thing about Brown's book that I think is appealing to people. The church goes through a pendulum swing at times from overemphasizing the deity of Christ to overemphasizing the humanity of Christ. So a book like Brown's that overemphasizes the humanity of Christ can be a mirror to us saying that we might be underemphasizing the humanity of Christ.

In light of The Da Vinci Code movie that is soon to be released, how do you hope churches will engage this story?

McLaren: I would like to see churches teach their people how to have intelligent dialogue that doesn't degenerate into argument. We have to teach people that the Holy Spirit works in the middle of conversation. We see it time and time again - Jesus enters into dialogue with people; Paul and Peter and the apostles enter into dialogue with people. We tend to think that the Holy Spirit can only work in the middle of a monologue where we are doing the speaking.

So if our churches can encourage people to, if you see someone reading the book or you know someone who's gone to the movie, say, "What do you think about Jesus and what do you think about this or that," and to ask questions instead of getting into arguments, that would be wonderful. The more we can keep conversations open and going the more chances we give the Holy Spirit to work. But too often people want to get into an argument right away. And, you know, Jesus has handled 2,000 years of questions, skepticism, and attacks, and he's gonna come through just fine. So we don't have to be worried.

Ultimately, The Da Vinci Code is telling us important things about the image of Jesus that is being portrayed by the dominant Christian voices. [Readers] don't find that satisfactory, genuine, or authentic, so they're looking for something that seems more real and authentic.

its definitely about the stats... and the love

2006-05-08T08:29:00.000-06:00

in my friend Todd's blog, he recently made a post called It's All About the Stats, in which he shows some alarming stats about the world from a photo exhibit called 365 Days: The Earth from Above, by Yann Arthus Bertrand. Check it out to see such amazing stats about our world, our global culture and humanity itself. It's amazing.

When I saw this exhibit a few years ago, I too was moved not only by this man's wonderful photographs, but by the statistics behind each photo. With the help of OXFAM and various other organizations, Yann was able to put real stories behind each photo. Stories that don't just show the beauty of the land but also what humanity has done to destroy it. I think his work is magnificent not only because of the art, but because of the message.

I too wonder how I can impact people through a message way beyond myself, my art, my thoughts or my action. But instead, to iimpact people with broad strokes of the brush - to get them thinking and moving and caring and loving. How can I do it...?

not a good place to be...

2006-05-04T08:37:00.000-06:00

Right or wrong...? It doesn't seem right. Still, it's the system as it stands now, and I sure wouldn't want to be there. Here is a description of the maximum security prison where Zacarias Moussaoui, the convicted 9/11 terrorist, was just sentenced. As the judge in the case said so eloquently, "you will die with a whimper." This place is messed up and though, the people in this prison are alledgedly the worst of the worst, this is no place for a human...dang. Plus, this place is only about two and half hours from where I live.

ADX Florence

The United States Penitentiary Administrative Maximum Facility (ADX) in Florence is a supermax prison in Florence, Colorado. It is the only federal supermax prison in the United States. Also known unofficially as ADX Florence, Florence ADMAX, Supermax, or the Alcatraz of the Rockies, it is a supermax prison operated by the federal government. A part of the Florence Federal Correctional Complex (FCC) in Florence, Colorado, it houses only the most dangerous prisoners in need of the tightest control.

History
Opened in November of 1994, ADX Florence was constructed as a response to the October 22, 1983, prison guard killings in Marion, Illinois. United States Penitentiary (USP) Marion was, at the time, the holding place for the Federal Bureau of Prisons' most dangerous prisoners. However, in two separate incidents, an inmate managed to kill his accompanying guard. Relatively lax security procedures allowed the prisoner, while walking down a hall, to turn to the side and approach a particular cell. An accomplice would subsequently unlock his handcuffs with a stolen key and provide him with a knife.

As a result, the prison in Marion went into "permanent lockdown," and entirely transformed itself into a "control unit" prison. This penal construction and operation theory calls for the keeping of inmates in solitary confinement between twenty-two and twenty-three hours each day. They do not allow congregate dining, exercising, or religious services. These practices are used as administrative measures to keep prisoners under control.

Following the killings, Norman Carlson, then director of the Federal Bureau of Prisons, successfully persuaded the federal government that a more secure type of prison needed to be designed. There was a need to isolate uncontrollable prisoners from both guards and each other for the sake of security and personal safety. Marion became a model for the subsequent construction of ADX Florence, a facility built specifically and entirely as a control unit prison.

The residents in the surrounding area, Fremont County, gladly welcomed the prison in a time of economic hardship. At the time, the county was already home to nine existing prisons. However, the lure of between 750 to 900 permanent jobs, in addition to another 1000 temporary jobs during the prison's construction, led residents in the area to raise $160,000 to purchase 600 acres for the new prison. Hundreds attended the groundbreaking, and ADX Florence opened in November of 1994 with a price tag of $60 million.

ADX Florence is now a 37 acre complex located at 5880 Highway 67, Florence, Colorado. It is part of four separate correctional facilities, representing four different security levels. More than half the jobs in surrounding Fremont County are related in some way to the corrections industry.

The Prison
ADX Florence is generally home to between 400 and 500 male prisoners. About 22 percent of inmates have killed fellow prisoners in other correctional facilities; 35 percent have attempted to attack other prisoners or guards. As a result, most individuals are kept for at least 23 hours each day in solitary confinement. They are housed in a 7-by-12 foot (3.5-by-2 meter) soundproofed room, built behind a steel door and grate. The remaining free hour is spent exercising alone in a separate concrete chamber. Prisoners rarely see each other, and inmates' only human interaction is limited to that of the prison guards. Religious services are broadcasted in from a small chapel.

The cells are 60 feet below ground.

Most cells' furniture is made almost entirely out of poured concrete, including a desk, stool, and bed covered by a thin mattress. Each chamber contains a toilet that shuts off if plugged, a shower that runs on a timer to prevent flooding, and a sink missing a potentially dangerous tap. Rooms may also be fitted with polished steel mirrors bolted to the wall, an electric light, and a 13-inch black and white television, and a cigarette lighter. Windows in rooms are small, set high up in the wall, and point towards the sky, confusing the prisoner as to his specific location within the complex.

The prison as a whole contains countless motion detectors and cameras, 1,400 remote-controlled steel doors, and 12 foot high razor wire fences. Laser beams, pressure pads, and attack dogs guard the area between the prison walls and razor wire. Built into the side of a mountain, visitors and prisoners enter through a heavily-guarded tunnel.

Controversy

Psychological Effects
Many have argued that the psychological effects of long-term solitary confinement can be devastating. Prisoners may suffer from hallucinations, anxiety, problems with impulse control, and self-mutilation. In addition, confinement may encourage anger and rage, resulting in further violence. Depression may set in, with prisoners becoming extremely lethargic, losing memory, and refusing to exercise.

Psychologists testifying in cases regarding solitary confinement have suggested that prisons could more reliably manage inmate behaviour were they to concentrate on fulfilling prisoner needs, rather than building oppressive controls.

Human Rights
Prisoners have complained about excessive steps taken by guards and officials in these types of facilities to control inmates. Constant surveillance and random searches at the whim of prison staff can be humiliating, and their frequency may be used as methods of intimidation and sleep deprivation.

The maximum security facility at Marion, Illinois, which is the model ADX Florence is based on, has been denounced by Amnesty International, a human rights organization, for violating the United Nations' Standard Minimum Rules for the Treatment of Prisoners.

Some of the prisoners currently held at Colorado Supermax:
Matthew F. Hale (White Supremacist convicted of soliciting murder of a federal judge)
Theodore Kaczynski ("Unabomber" terrorist)
Terry Nichols (Oklahoma City Bombing conspirator)
Omar Abdel-Rahman (Islamist terrorist, nicknamed "The Blind Sheik", involved in World Trade Center bombing planning in 1993.
Larry Hoover (Leader of the Black Gangster Disciple Nation, based in Chicago)
Richard Reid ("Shoe bomber" terrorist)
Ramzi Yousef (Islamist terrorist, 1993 World Trade Center bombing)
Eric Robert Rudolph (Terrorist bomber)