The ULTIMATE description

So, I've been playing Ultimate Frisbee lately... for those of you who know what it is, this description may help you... and for those who don't - Check it out:

Clearly you do not understand the glory of frisbee-throwing and why the hero loves it so. I will take the liberty of explaining it to you:

Hero does this thing because it offers him an opportunity to leap through the air at an object that is moving just barely slower than a trotting Kenyan. The frisbee flies through the air and all on the field scream and yell at it, and one –only one- can be the hero. To Quote Conner McLeod; “There can be only one…”. This affords the catcher a moment of extreme happiness, euphoria, and glee because they have CAUGHT the frisbee. Not to mention being the center of attention of 'extremely happy people'. To a lesser degree the person who threw the frisbee will also experience some degree of happiness and glee. Often the thrower and the catcher will acknowledge each other’s prowess of tossing and receiving by either executing a ‘high-five’ or ‘hug’ accompanied by ‘back-slapping’ depending on the how important it was to catch the frisbee at that particular moment.

During my very brief experience watching the game I was able to glean some understanding of the glory of frisbee-tossing between smoking weed, drinking beer and long naps: levels of glee can be boosted by executing a particularly daring catching manoeuvre. Usually this involves waiting patiently until the frisbee is near you and also low to the ground and initiating a ‘dive’. If you catch the frisbee while sliding on the ground on your chest you are deemed a hero. Similarly if you slide on your side, back, face, or ass; all of these are considered ‘dives’. If you don’t catch the frisbee you have still slid on the ground and you are ‘somewhat of a hero’
affording ‘somewhat of glee’. Another way to optimize your frisbee-tossing glee is execute a ‘high leap’. Again you wait until the frisbee is high in the air and ‘leap high’ to catch it. This does not raise glee as much as the ‘dive’ and by the same token not catching the frisbee during a ‘high leap’
does not look as cool as missing the low frisbee.

Now.

Frisbee is a NON CONTACT game. Any, pushing, shoving, slapping, mauling, kissing, hugging, holding, kicking, checking, grasping and sodomy is performed AFTER the game when all players on BOTH teams recount the amazing ‘dives’ and ‘high leaps’ they executed during the course of the ten minute game.

Another aspect of the game is hollering. Like curling -in which players scream like castrati hyenas at a rock moving slowly along the ice- the players of frisbee-tossing holler at each other and at the frisbee. This hollering does little to affect the languid movements of the frisbee, however it can be used as a fierce weapon to confuse your opponent and tell your team-mates what position it has in the air. By hollering either “High leap!” or “Dive!” you can cause your peers to execute either one of these manoeuvres regardless of where the frisbee is. Hollering is also used when the frisbee is caught, missed, thrown, slapped, or bounced of the head of a player. It is also done when a point is scored; that being when a person ‘high leaps’ or ‘dives’ in the endzone (inre: football, rugby or any other real sport).

Now. I have just recalled that frisbee-tossing is in fact officially called ‘Ultimate’ which to me is like calling curling ‘Awesome’, lawn darts ‘Wicked’ or ptong ‘Excellent’. I assume this is a way of legitimizing what is essentially frisbee-tossing with ‘dives’, ‘high-leaps’, and ‘hollering’.