8.18.2006

a walk and smoke


a walk and smoke
Originally uploaded by Photo Doocker.
do you ever just find yourself walking. walking. but you don't know where you're going. like sometimes i'll walk to the top of the stairs thinking i need to use the bathroom and then forget why i went in. it's weird.

i mean, sometimes i really like walking aimlessly. like through a park or through the woods or around a lake with nowhere in particular to go. just going.

but to walk somewhere only to forget why you've come is annoying. i walked into my kitchen today but forgot why i was there. oh yeah, i needed to wash my glasses off in the sink.

8.16.2006

the chains of greed

I know what I should do, but I do not do it. I know what I do not want to do and I do it anyway. I relate to Paul. Sin is contagious and infectious. It takes small cracks and little fissures and makes them into grand canyons and gaping crevasses. One such instance is greed.

Greed chains us to ourselves. Greed ties us unto ourselves which in the end is just selfish misery. I struggle against it everyday in the United States. It's weird you know.

When living in Amsterdam, I feel like I struggled very little against greed and coveting. Ok, well, I did. But, it's not like here. It seems everyone has a nicer car and nicer house and nicer bike, etc... and if only I had those things I'd be happier.

Of course, I know that's not true. But I want those things anyway. I want a Porshe Cayenne Turbo and a 3500 sq. ft. house and top of the line Trek. I want bigger, faster and more expensive. It's in my nature and it's something I fight against each and every day.

I'm reminded though of the great ancient philosopher, Jesus - who said you cannot worship both God and money. It's true. When focused on the desires of this world, I cannot possibly be freed to focus on the desires of my true heart, of love and grace and hope. These are only through Christ and Christ alone. It's better that way.

8.15.2006

power of relationship


the crew
Originally uploaded by Photo Doocker.
I just finished reading the Learning Leader, a great book on education reform. In it, the author talks extensively about leadership in schools and the various forms it takes. It was mostly the usual about vision and organization and process and example - all forms of leadership. But where it really struck me was in relationship.

He showed this statistic. Relationships are three times more influential in an organization that analystical skills. Think about that, three times more influential. Relationships matter.

8.14.2006

risk reward


Paraglide_alps1
Originally uploaded by Photo Doocker.
I know it's cliched, but the greater the risk, the greater the reward. Have you heard that before...? I'm sure you have. Getting married is a great risk. Skydivng is a great risk. Having a child is a great risk. Going on a 80 mile bike ride with 9000 ft of verticl climbing is a great risk. But the rewards are almost incalcuable, if that's such a word. You get the point though. In most cases, it seems the more risk you are willing to tolerate, the more potential reward waits in the balance.

Following Jesus is a great risk. You may be persecuted. You may be mistreated. You may be hurt, damaged, pressed and crushed. But, we are promised not to be destroyed. And in that, there is great hope and great reward. The risk of following Jesus in our world is real, but the reward in eternity is unfathomable.

In this picture you see a hang glider over the Alps taking a huge risk in flight. I think you'll agree with me though, that his reward is well beyond the risk. Maybe following Jesus is too...

8.12.2006

Bono dropping knowledge


I stole this set of quotes from my friend Dave...like em or hate em, Bono is the real deal...

* "The most rewarding part of this past year? Selfishly, it is to wake up with a melody in my head and heart. But beyond my music it is the work we are doing on the ONE campaign."
* “I never had a problem with Christ…it was Christians that gave me problems…they seemed completely disinterested culturally and politically…they seemed very strange to me.”
* “The world works on the principle of Karma, what you put out comes back to you…but then enters the story of Grace in the person in Christ and it turned the world on it’s head.”
* “Duality is the mark of really great art…it’s what is missing in Christian art…the tension. The attempt to wrestle truth to the ground is often absent.”
* “Much of gospel music seems fake to me…pretending that everything is o.k…I relate more to the blues…that sounds like the song of David.”
* “Jesus was either a Charles Manson – a nut case…or he was who he said he was. I’m so fascinated by a child born into straw poverty. The Christmas story is a remarkable story that never ceases to amaze me.”
* “How in a world of plenty can people be left to starve? We think, ‘it’s just the way of the world’. And if it is the ‘way of the world’ we must overthrow the ‘way of the world.’”
* “Redemption is an economic term.”
* “What else are you going to do with this thing called, ‘celebrity’…it’s absolutely ridiculous…but it is currency…and I decided I was going to spend mine.”
* “What else are you going to do with this thing called, ‘celebrity’…it’s absolutely ridiculous…but it is currency…and I decided I was going to spend mine.”
* “God has made me an opportunist.”
* “Great ideas are like great melodies…they are memorable and a moral force whose time has come…and there is a movement behind them.”
* “The reason the church has been slow to respond is that the church has historically always been behind the curve: civil rights, apartheid... The church is afraid of politics…” The second reason the church has been so slow is less palatable…the church has been very judgmental about the AIDS virus…it believes that it is about people living irresponsibly. Only 6% of evangelicals felt like they were to act in response to the AIDS epidemic. But the Christ will not let the church walk away from the AIDS emergency…it’s like a car crash…we have to act. AIDS is the leprosy of our age. But then something tragic happened…the church woke up and began to act…and they ruined it for me…I couldn’t hate the church anymore.”
* “Love your neighbor is not advice…it’s a command. Should an accident of longitude and latitude really decide whether you live or whether you die? 2003 verses in scripture are about the poor, second only to personal salvation in the scriptures. Jesus speaks of judgment only once and that is the passage in Matthew where we are asked: ‘who clothed the naked?’ and ‘who fed the poor?’ and ‘who visited those in prison’? That defines whether you as part of the Kingdom or not.”
* “If the Christian church can lead this movement…it can irradiate malaria in 10 years…and then AIDS…”
* “Stop asking God to bless what you are doing…find out what God is doing – it is already blessed!”
* “This generation could end stupid poverty…we really can fix that in our generation.”
* “’Thy kingdom come on earth as it is in heaven’ is the phrase that grabs me…in every detail of our lives we need to seek that.”
* “The world is more malleable than you think.”
* "Bill has convinced me of the importance of the church as the moral and practical infrastructure for solving the worlds problems…open the doors of your churches and make them an AIDS campaign. Your charity is important, but your passion for justice is needed…I’m asking for your voice and for you to give permission to fix these problems that are fixable. It’s not a burden, it’s an opportunity…it’s an adventure.”

8.11.2006

Right in the Middle


Cretian Window
Originally uploaded by Photo Doocker.
Right in the middle - of love, of relationship, of community. That's where I want to be. It seems the middle is like a window of opportunity with so many places to reach. The middle doesn't mean the center of attention, rather it means immersed or engulfed. I think of it more like I'm swimming in love, relationship and community. When you are in a pool you can't help but to get wet.

I this in so many teaching of Christ. He wants us to be engulfed in him, to be immersed in his love and his grace - or in other words, to be fully alive in Him. There is community through him and in Him. It begs the question - is there really any other place I'd rather be...?

8.10.2006

this one goes out to Seth

Falafel is good. Maoz falafel is good falafel.

Throughout Amsterdam, there are these great stands with large lettering - MAOZ. This was my sign to start salivating. Seriously. You walk up, "Groote Falafel alsjeblieft." That's all it takes. One sentence, three words, and within about two minutes you get to load up your warm pita with all the fixings your heart desires - carrots, lettuce, peppers, and garlic sauce. B-E-A-Utiful. I could go for one right now, but I'm about 4000 miles short.

Still, MAOZ, makes me think of Seth. I used to go there with him. We would walk from the Leidsekade, down the canal, across the street and wind our way through to the good livin. Most often, we would talk about how we weren't making any money and wondering if we ever would...? Would our wives put up with our nonsense forever...? Would we make it in Amsterdam...? Those were tough questions to deal with on a day to day basis and maybe that's why we needed the falafel fix. It was genuine and real. Once we learned the smash technique it got even better. I always left that place with a smile, a full belly and some terrible breath. Good stuff.

Seth reminds me of falafel and falafel reminds me of Seth. That's some good times.

8.09.2006

a love so beautiful

If you have kids, I hope you will know what I mean. Love. Simply. I shouldn't even write anything else. I look at him and my heart is immediately soft and alive, smiling at the moment.

He is growing so fast now. He speaks in full sentences though he doesn't use words. He runs. He runs so fast that his legs can't aways keep up. He falls. But he gets back up. He runs, arms wide into my open arms and jumps for me. It is the best of feelings.

When he sleeps he sticks his little butt in the air and folds his arms underneath his chest to stay warm. It doesn't look comfortable to me. I've tried it and only lasted a couple minutes. He likes it though. Sometimes I go in his room at night and watch him sleep. I peer through the rails that make up his bed and just stare. I cry once in awhile overwhelmed by him. He was so little and helpless. Now he is getting so big and independent. He's still only 16 months.

He tries to use a spoon and fork. He eats cantaloupe like I do. He pushes a little play cart around pretending he's on an important mission. He quacks like a duck and roars like a lion. He plays non-stop with the energy of ten grown men.

He fell asleep on my back while hiking the other day. I loved it. His head rested against me neck as I tried my best to walk smoothly over decidedly uneven terrain. He must not have noticed though.

He hugs me. He gives me open mouth kisses. He loves me and I love him too and it's so, so beautiful.

8.08.2006

brightness in the woods

So, I was reading Total Truth last night by Nancy Pearcey. I was astounded yet again by the idea of two things:

1) There is a Total Truth. As much as the society in which we live fights against such a notion, it is there and it is real. It is Christ. He was born of a virgin named Mary, conceived by God as his only son. He lived a righteous life unincumbered by the death of sin. He related to us in mind, body and spirit. He was beaten, tortured and whipped because he spoke and lived the Truth. He died. But, he rose again to wipe away every tear from the eye of the human race. Sin cannot and no longer will overcome. Jesus has.

2) As a Christians we are called not only to stand out against the backdrop of culture in which we live and grow, but also to dramatically change the worldview in which our society sees. It is not just about the individual affecting change; it is about the community of believers putting on a different set of glassed through which to see. The glasses are tinted with grace, hope and love, all of which come from the glory of Christ.

This is some great stuff.

8.07.2006

leaving the concrete jungle behind

I've been posting many times in the past year about how much I miss Amsterdam and indeed I do. The city has cast its spell on my in a very real and relevant way.

Sometimes though, I am grateful to be somewhere else - Colorado. Jayla and I went hiking yesterday on the Lower Maxwell Falls Trail outside of Evergreen, Colorado with our friends Joe and Shelley, our boys (Asher and Jay) and our two dogs (Leo and Hali). Living in Amsterdam, I often missed the "great outdoors" and the escape it provides from the madness of city or suburban living. Yesterday was just such an escape.

It took us less than 45 minutes to get from my house in east Denver to the trailhead southwest of Evergreen. As we tied up our shoes, loaded the boys into backpacks and leashed the dogs, I realized we were in for a great adventure. Entering the forest of tall pines, we walked slowly through glorious scents of pine and moss. Trees all around us were reaching heavenward grasping for pieces of light left for them by those above. Ferns, wildflowers and fingerlings graced formed a green ground cover so pleasantly reminiscint of my days hiking in the mountains of North Carolina. It has just rained for three straight days, so the typical dry Colorado climate had been replaced by a more temperate, moist one with even a touch of humidity in the air.

We meandered along the trail gazing left and right, up and down interupted only by the occasional whimper of one of the boys asking for something to drink or eat. Leo and Hali were zigzagging back and forth frolicking in the beautiful playland they were meant to roam. It was the outdoors.

I miss Amsterdam alright, but it sure was great to be in the woods.

8.04.2006

learning God through son


Asher with shoes.jpg
Originally uploaded by Photo Doocker.
I learned something about the Lord Almoghty today.

I caught a glimpse of how the God must feel when bad things happen to us, whether provoked or unprovoked. This morning, after finishing making some pancakes for myself and Asher, I turned from the stove to put something in the sink. And, as I turned back around towards the stove, it was just in time to see Asher reaching for the griddle, which was still very hot. It was a "matrix" moment as if everything went into slow motion. I realized what was about to happen, but could do nothing to stop it.

Asher reached up and wrapped his precious little fingers over the edge of the griddle and for what seemed like a lifetime, held on. I'm sure it wasn't more than a tenth of a second., but it was long enough that in that time he was gasping for breath as the pain registered from the ends of his fingertips, up his little arms, through his nervous system and into his brain, where millions of little pain receptors sounded an alarm all at once.

Both Asher and I were frightened and hurt. His pain was tangible and physical - real. My pain was just as real, only it struck me deep within my heart. I had just witnessed my son learn something very important - HOT. I took the necessary steps to ease the pain - running his hand under cold water, applying burn cream and most importantly holding on tight. I held him as he screamed and screamed as I have held never before. He was me. For that moment, nothing in the world - nothing - could have separated me from this little boy. As much as the water and the cream helped, I think he too wanted nothing more than to be close - a hug, a tight hug. He wanted love.

Through this unfortunate even in our house this morning, I learned something ever so important. I am loved just the same by an eternal Father. He sees me do things both in accident and on purpose and he doesn't stop me. But he helps me through. And, in those moments of greatest need it sure does feel good to be loved.

8.03.2006

growing weary and tired


Ben at window
Originally uploaded by Photo Doocker.
in relating to a post from a couple days ago about mystery, i have contemplated about it yet again. this following passage is one of the best known in the Bible and one of my favorite nevertheless:

28 Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.

29 He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.

30 Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;

31 but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.

and what strikes me most going through it this time is actually two things. first, we cannot fathom God's wisdom and understanding. we cannot. not we can almost which is good enough or we are pretty smart too, but we cannot. my problem with this is that i continue to try over and over and over and over to be God. I want his knowledge, not too unlike adam and eve. i hate admitting this. i want to know the answers though. but i cannot.

secondly, something slightly new popped out at me in regards to my relationship with the Almighty. i could be wrong, but i don't think He ever guarantees a free ride through life. his grace abundantly covers us and he washes our garments clean as the driven snow. but never, does he say, "all will be gone, here is a free ride." no, it's quite the opposite actually. instead, he commends us in our suffering and trials and hardships and tells us "though life is hard, I will be with you and give you strength." he gives us what we need to make it through the valleys of life rather than what we need to skirt around them. it's a wild thing really. we are not meant to run from life and but to live it to the full and in doing so, have the strength of Christ himself living in us. wow.

8.02.2006

toil in vain


Screened worker #2
Originally uploaded by calistan.
" ... my chosen shall long enjoy the work of their hands. They shall not labor in vain" (Isaiah 65:22-23)

There is a great article on Sojourners right now about the minimum wage. This stuff really rattles my cage. Check it out:

Minimum wage double-cross in Congress
by Yonce Shelton

8.01.2006

Good friends and a toast

sometimes when i'm lonely i think of my brothers and sisters in amsterdam. i miss them dearly. for three years, we were intertwined, like morning glory growing up the nearly fence. wrapping, curling, twisting together. we knew each other in a way which few people do.

they are still there, well most of them and i'm not. not physically anyway. i'm with them though. there is nothing like a friendship to kindle warm thoughts of the heart. nothing quite like it at all. i'm warm inside from the times i shared with them - linda, lee, patricia, chris, eva, eric, leslie and todd. there are many more, but these are those in the picture. and i'm learning that there is no friendship that can quite copare to those which are celebrated through serving together for the sake of christ. nothing.

all of a sudden, i'm in fellowship with the apostle paul who so steadfastly prayed for and encouraged his brothers and sisters in places like ephesis and greece and rome and phlippi. in some small way, i too hope to be an encouragement for those still serving dutifully in amsterdam.

i pray for you, my spiritual family, that you may understand the depths of christ's love. i pray that you will use the amazing power of the gospel to its full in reaching those who not yet know the riches of grace in abundance. i have no doubts that you will steadfastly and diligently walk through many valleys in order that you will find a resting place high upon the hills, where the view is nothing short of splendor. keep on keepin on my friends. i love you.