I don't know if you have heard the latest Jars of Clay album, titled "Good Monsters", but if you have not I highly recommend it. There is one song in particular, written by the band after a trip to Rwanda in which they heard some gruesome stories of the genocide there. "Oh my God" was inspired by one.
Oh My God
Oh my God, look around this place,
Your fingers reach around the bone,
you set the break and set the tone
For flights of grace, and future falls
In present pain all fools say, "Oh my God."
Oh my God, why are we so afraid?
We make it worse when we don't bleed,
There is no cure for our disease.
Turn a phrase and rise again,
Or fake your death and only tell your closest friends,
Oh My God.
Oh my God, can I complain?
You take away my firm belief and graft my soul upon your grief.
Weddings, boats, and alibis,
All drift away, and a mother cries...
Liars and fools, sons and failures, theives will always say..
Lost and found, ailing wanderers, healers always say..
Whores and angels, men with problems, leavers always say..
Broken hearted, separated, orphans always say..
War creators, racial haters, preachers always say..
Distant fathers, fallen warriors, givers always say..
Pilgrim saints, lonely widows, users always say..
Fearful mothers, watchful doubters, Saviors always say..
Sometimes I can not forgive
and these days mercy cuts so deep,
If the world was how it should be, maybe I could get some sleep.
While I lay, I'd dream we're better, scales were gone and faces lighter,
When we wake we hate our brother, we still move to hurt each other,
Sometimes I can close my eyes and all the fear the keeps me silent,
Falls below my heavy breathing, what makes me so badly bent?
We all have a chance to murder, we all have the need for wonder.
We still want to be reminded that the pain is worth the plunder.
Sometimes when I lose my grip, I wonder what to make of heaven,
All the times I thought to reach up, all the times I had to give up.
Babies underneath their beds, in hospitals that cannot treat them.
All the wounds that money causes, all the comforts of cathedrals,
All the cries of thirsty children, this is our inheritance,
All the rage of watching mothers, this is our greatest offense
Oh my God, Oh my God, Oh my God.
10.30.2006
10.24.2006
fruity
love. joy. peace. patience. kindness. goodness. faithfulness. gentleness. self-control. (paul)
faith. goodness. knowledge. self-control. perseverance. godliness. brotherly kindness. love. (peter)
Is it conincidence that Paul and Peter have given us such closely related instruction about what we become when under the umbrella of Christ...? I think not. What we become is a humanity devoted to each other, who are strong and peaceful and loving and disciplined and controlled and patient.
I'm so amazed at how the whole picture comes together so frequently in Scripture. Cool stuff.
faith. goodness. knowledge. self-control. perseverance. godliness. brotherly kindness. love. (peter)
Is it conincidence that Paul and Peter have given us such closely related instruction about what we become when under the umbrella of Christ...? I think not. What we become is a humanity devoted to each other, who are strong and peaceful and loving and disciplined and controlled and patient.
I'm so amazed at how the whole picture comes together so frequently in Scripture. Cool stuff.
10.20.2006
10.16.2006
How Long to Sing this Song...?
PSALM 40
I waited patiently for the LORD;
he turned to me and heard my cry.
He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand.
He put a new song in my mouth,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear
and put their trust in the LORD.
I woke up this morning with the song "40" in my head from U2, taken from the Psalm above. I have been impacted of late by the words in Romans 3 - "there is no one righteous, not even one" and in the words of Romans 5 - "And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we[c] also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts." I suppose that's why I wanted to sing a new song.
"I will sing, sing a new song.
I will sing, sing a new song.
How long, to sing this song...?
How long, to sing this song...?
How long, how long...?"
Since I have the U2 - Live in Chicago video and since Asher and Jayla weren't home, I decided to put on the DVD and crank it up (much louder than you can listen to this clip from YouTube). There is a point in the video when they focus in on Larry Mullen, the humble drummer of U2 who rarely shows emotion while playing. The camera moves in on him so that only his face and the movement of his drumsticks are the picture. As with many pictures, the eyes tell the story. His eyes are fully alive glistening with the tears of hard work, toil and perseverance. I like to think there is more.
I like to think those are the tears of the Psalmist in #40. I WAITED PATIENTLY FOR THE LORD AND HE TURNED TO HEAR MY CRY. HE REACHED DOWN AND GRABBED ME, HOLDING ME TIGHT AND LIFTED ME FROM THE PERILS OF LIFE. HE SET ME UPON THE ROCK, WHO IS CHRIST WHERE MY FOUNDATION IS STRONG AND STABLE. THEN HE PUT A MELODY IN MY HEART AND I COULDN'T HELP BUT TO SING A NEW SONG. I WILL SING AND SING AND SING THIS SONG OF GRACE AND LOVE ALL MY DAYS.
I feel a connection and start crying.
As the song (and concert end) it is just Larry on stage. The crowd, 20,000 strong, is belting out "How long? to sing this song?" - singig a song of praise (whether they know it or not.) Mr. Mullen is lightly tapping his cymbals and touching the bass pedal ever so slightly, when he suddenly goes into a drumming frenzy a if possessed by the thought of the Rock himself. And, he walks off stage with a simple wave of the hand.
I'm not trying to glorify U2 here, but what I appreciate about them is the connection they create with their fans. I see it as some microcosm of the way we will connect with Christ in heaven. Thousands upon thousands and ten thousand times ten thousand encircling the throne of God in worship. I was connected this morning. And I sat there and cried. And I opened Scripture to Psalm 40 and read it over and over and over and over. How long will I sing this song...? How long...? How long...?
I waited patiently for the LORD;
he turned to me and heard my cry.
He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand.
He put a new song in my mouth,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear
and put their trust in the LORD.
I woke up this morning with the song "40" in my head from U2, taken from the Psalm above. I have been impacted of late by the words in Romans 3 - "there is no one righteous, not even one" and in the words of Romans 5 - "And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we[c] also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts." I suppose that's why I wanted to sing a new song.
"I will sing, sing a new song.
I will sing, sing a new song.
How long, to sing this song...?
How long, to sing this song...?
How long, how long...?"
Since I have the U2 - Live in Chicago video and since Asher and Jayla weren't home, I decided to put on the DVD and crank it up (much louder than you can listen to this clip from YouTube). There is a point in the video when they focus in on Larry Mullen, the humble drummer of U2 who rarely shows emotion while playing. The camera moves in on him so that only his face and the movement of his drumsticks are the picture. As with many pictures, the eyes tell the story. His eyes are fully alive glistening with the tears of hard work, toil and perseverance. I like to think there is more.
I like to think those are the tears of the Psalmist in #40. I WAITED PATIENTLY FOR THE LORD AND HE TURNED TO HEAR MY CRY. HE REACHED DOWN AND GRABBED ME, HOLDING ME TIGHT AND LIFTED ME FROM THE PERILS OF LIFE. HE SET ME UPON THE ROCK, WHO IS CHRIST WHERE MY FOUNDATION IS STRONG AND STABLE. THEN HE PUT A MELODY IN MY HEART AND I COULDN'T HELP BUT TO SING A NEW SONG. I WILL SING AND SING AND SING THIS SONG OF GRACE AND LOVE ALL MY DAYS.
I feel a connection and start crying.
As the song (and concert end) it is just Larry on stage. The crowd, 20,000 strong, is belting out "How long? to sing this song?" - singig a song of praise (whether they know it or not.) Mr. Mullen is lightly tapping his cymbals and touching the bass pedal ever so slightly, when he suddenly goes into a drumming frenzy a if possessed by the thought of the Rock himself. And, he walks off stage with a simple wave of the hand.
I'm not trying to glorify U2 here, but what I appreciate about them is the connection they create with their fans. I see it as some microcosm of the way we will connect with Christ in heaven. Thousands upon thousands and ten thousand times ten thousand encircling the throne of God in worship. I was connected this morning. And I sat there and cried. And I opened Scripture to Psalm 40 and read it over and over and over and over. How long will I sing this song...? How long...? How long...?
10.10.2006
wish that doesn't come true
It's an emotional time for me. Jayla leaves for Amsterdam in just about three hours and I won't be with her - physically anyway. She will have to walk the Spui without me. I will have to dream on my own.
I looked for plane tix this morning to see if I could actually make it over for the weekend, but to no avail. It was just a shot anyway.
Really, I can't stop thinking about Todd, Lindy, Lee, Diane, Ivan, Louike, Sam, Patricia, Eric, Marcey, Theo, JJde, SNde, Linda, Naomi, Daryl, Katie, Ned, Maritje, Brian, Johanna, the Smiths, Jonas, Steph, Jen, all the kids, and all the others who are part of our community there. I miss them and each one gives me certain memories I love to enjoy...whether Ned's great coffee at Bagels and Beans or riding back with Lee or whatever.
You're probably getting bored with me by now so I should figure out something else to write about. Please take care of Jayla while she's there.
I looked for plane tix this morning to see if I could actually make it over for the weekend, but to no avail. It was just a shot anyway.
Really, I can't stop thinking about Todd, Lindy, Lee, Diane, Ivan, Louike, Sam, Patricia, Eric, Marcey, Theo, JJde, SNde, Linda, Naomi, Daryl, Katie, Ned, Maritje, Brian, Johanna, the Smiths, Jonas, Steph, Jen, all the kids, and all the others who are part of our community there. I miss them and each one gives me certain memories I love to enjoy...whether Ned's great coffee at Bagels and Beans or riding back with Lee or whatever.
You're probably getting bored with me by now so I should figure out something else to write about. Please take care of Jayla while she's there.
10.09.2006
going through the motions
Something has really hit me hard these past couple days culminating in a very slow start to my day today. Jayla is leaving for Amsterdam tomorrow. For one thing, I'm realizing how much I'm going to miss her. For the second, I'm realizing how much I wish I was going with her. So many of our memories there are wrapped up in the shared experience of being there together. So, it's weird to think of her experiencing all these memories without me. I think that side of it is hitting her as well.
The other part is me realizing how much I miss my/our life there. I mean, I've realized it before, but now I'm really struggling with it big time. I guess, it's this. I just feel like life here is so unimportant. Don't get me wrong, I love my wife and my child and the mountains and my friends here. But it still feels like I'm going through the motions of life, rather really living it to the full. Do you know what I mean...? I really like my job a lot, really I do. I have the chance to be part of a huge change in education on the macro level (Bill Gates Foundation looking at our school as an example school) and on the micro level, I may affect a high school kid for the rest of his life. That's cool stuff. It still feels like I'm going through the motions.
Even this morning as I lay in bed talking with Jayla about the dreary day, with the clouds and rain, I somehow transported back to Amsterdam where I loved meeting Todd and Lee and Theo and Brian and Sam and whoever for a gezellig cup of koffie at the local cafe. What does it feel like here...? Going through the motions. There is something missing in life here, at least for me.
Again, I'm not complaining about being unlucky or miserable here, as we are so blessed to have what we have, where we have it, but it's still just going through the motions. I can't put my finger on it. Is the grass greener on the other side...? Have I failed to get involved in something powerful and meaningful here...? Have I missed my calling...? I don't know the answer. I do know I miss our mission and our friends and our lives in Amsterdam. I miss the culture and the coffee and Hap Hmmm. I miss my bike and the even the rain. I hate the rain too. I miss the city and the people and the buildings. I hate the concrete jungle too. It's weird.
Ultimately, it still feels like going through the motions.
The other part is me realizing how much I miss my/our life there. I mean, I've realized it before, but now I'm really struggling with it big time. I guess, it's this. I just feel like life here is so unimportant. Don't get me wrong, I love my wife and my child and the mountains and my friends here. But it still feels like I'm going through the motions of life, rather really living it to the full. Do you know what I mean...? I really like my job a lot, really I do. I have the chance to be part of a huge change in education on the macro level (Bill Gates Foundation looking at our school as an example school) and on the micro level, I may affect a high school kid for the rest of his life. That's cool stuff. It still feels like I'm going through the motions.
Even this morning as I lay in bed talking with Jayla about the dreary day, with the clouds and rain, I somehow transported back to Amsterdam where I loved meeting Todd and Lee and Theo and Brian and Sam and whoever for a gezellig cup of koffie at the local cafe. What does it feel like here...? Going through the motions. There is something missing in life here, at least for me.
Again, I'm not complaining about being unlucky or miserable here, as we are so blessed to have what we have, where we have it, but it's still just going through the motions. I can't put my finger on it. Is the grass greener on the other side...? Have I failed to get involved in something powerful and meaningful here...? Have I missed my calling...? I don't know the answer. I do know I miss our mission and our friends and our lives in Amsterdam. I miss the culture and the coffee and Hap Hmmm. I miss my bike and the even the rain. I hate the rain too. I miss the city and the people and the buildings. I hate the concrete jungle too. It's weird.
Ultimately, it still feels like going through the motions.
10.06.2006
the desert
I went to Scottsdale, AZ last weekend to play some golf with buddies. I went to the desert. Physically, I'd never been there before. Spiritually I had.
The desert was beautiful and awesome and scary and crazy all at the same time. I loved it in many ways. Then I started thinking about how much I would love it if I was there for 40 days and 40 nights much less 40 years. It's dry and hot and there are lizards and snakes.
As I thought about it more and more, I realized I'm in awe of the desert and also very scared of the desert. It seems like such a lonely place.
I suppose the good part of being in the desert is that you have no place to turn but to the Lord Almighty. He will provide provision for you.
The desert was beautiful and awesome and scary and crazy all at the same time. I loved it in many ways. Then I started thinking about how much I would love it if I was there for 40 days and 40 nights much less 40 years. It's dry and hot and there are lizards and snakes.
As I thought about it more and more, I realized I'm in awe of the desert and also very scared of the desert. It seems like such a lonely place.
I suppose the good part of being in the desert is that you have no place to turn but to the Lord Almighty. He will provide provision for you.
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