the joy of life

it's no wonder God compares our faith to that of children. children go through life uninhibited by doubt and misconception and fear of what they know. sometimes it seems reckless and other times like bliss.

our minds deceive us and trick us into believing we know, but we don't. Eve didn't. Adam didn't. neither do we.

i must become a child, like my son - willing to believe not because my mind tells me, but because my heart tells me.

out of action

I've been out of action the last few days, not because I don't want to "blog" but because I'm starting to realize how much time I spend on my own blog and others, mostly reading others. It's not good. I took a break. Maybe now I can come back with a little better perspective on it and make some posts and read some posts without spending my day on the BLOG.

my pride

I've been thinking a lot lately about my pride, my arrogance and my self centeredness (if such a word exists). In his book, The Pursuit of God, Tozer talks candidly about all words beginning with "self" - they define our generation and the Western Culture at large. It's about me. Plain. Simple. Me.

I suppose what got me thinking was a housing tour I took the other day. We were walking through an condo owned by a former General in the US Air Force. On one wall were pictures, plaques, awards, dedications, and the like - all about this General. To be honest, it was pretty cool. This guy was decorated and obviously proud of what's he done. It got me thinking though.

His daughter called it the "Ode to Me" wall. How true...? I do the same thing. I dont' have a wall like that in my house per se (since I don't even own a house) but I have plenty of those walls erected in my mind. There is no doubt. It is all about me, all the time. For those of you who read "Blue Like Jazz" (a phenomenal book, by the way), Donald Miller talks about the same thing - KDON, all Don, all the time. For me it's KBPP, all Pop, all the time.

I'm not the only one. Our culture supports it, encourages and thrives on it. But, one day it won't. One day I won't. Our Lord and God tells us so in plain, ordinary words. See below - it's true, it's real, it's going to happen.

The Day of the Lord from Isaiah 2

"You have abandoned your people,
the house of Jacob.
They are full of superstitions from the East;
they practice divination like the Philistines
and clasp hands with pagans.

Their land is full of silver and gold;
there is no end to their treasures.
Their land is full of horses;
there is no end to their chariots.

Their land is full of idols;
they bow down to the work of their hands,
to what their fingers have made.

So man will be brought low
and mankind humbled—
do not forgive them. [a]

Go into the rocks,
hide in the ground
from dread of the LORD
and the splendor of his majesty!

The eyes of the arrogant man will be humbled
and the pride of men brought low;
the LORD alone will be exalted in that day.

The LORD Almighty has a day in store
for all the proud and lofty,
for all that is exalted
(and they will be humbled),

for all the cedars of Lebanon, tall and lofty,
and all the oaks of Bashan,

for all the towering mountains
and all the high hills,

for every lofty tower
and every fortified wall,

for every trading ship
and every stately vessel.

The arrogance of man will be brought low
and the pride of men humbled;
the LORD alone will be exalted in that day,

and the idols will totally disappear.

Men will flee to caves in the rocks
and to holes in the ground
from dread of the LORD
and the splendor of his majesty,
when he rises to shake the earth.

In that day men will throw away
to the rodents and bats
their idols of silver and idols of gold,
which they made to worship.

They will flee to caverns in the rocks
and to the overhanging crags
from dread of the LORD
and the splendor of his majesty,
when he rises to shake the earth.

Stop trusting in man,
who has but a breath in his nostrils.
Of what account is he?"

word cloud

I saw this on Todd's blog, who got it from Sander, who probably got it in inspiration from JR who doesn't really know Ross, another wonderful photographer and former attendee at the Zolder, where Eric is a leader and where I used to call home. Of course, it's my word cloud, not Todd's.

It's pretty cool, but I doubt I'll make a t-shirt out of it. Maybe I'll make a bumper sticker instead.

a messed up world...

for those who think our world isn't broken and messed up, check out this article on a child porn ring. evidence of a fallen world is everywhere, but it is especially painful when are children are exposed, abused, oppressed and mishandled. it's literally a crying shame. i'm lost for emotion when i read about these things.

it's part of why i'm so excited to be part of a high school community in my next job - a place where i can help to shape our children, to influence our children, to lead our children - hopefully, with the grace of Christ, to a new life filled with love and hope and faith, the greatest of which is love.

music lover...

i'm a self confessed music lover. it's true. i can't help myself. music is poetry and rhythm and everything in between. i truly believe it's one of the ultimate forms of expression. there is no doubt in my mind why we sing, why we tap our feet and why we hum.

i used to sit in my car with a friend named Matt and blast classical music. we would sit there and revel in the mindless beauty of music like pachebel's canon or beethoven's 9th. we would drive through valley roads listening to everything from the indigo girls to the batman suite. i still love to sit in the car and listen to music. maybe it's because you get true surround sound in a car, maybe it's because it brings back great memories.

i was talking with theo from zolder50 once and he told me about how he likes to be at home alone and crank up some worship music, lay down and worship quietly with the sound blaring behind him. i love the same. i can't explain why. some people don't like loud music. i do.

i like so much music from hillary hahn's amazing violin, to rage against the machine's hard hitting bombtrack, to harry chapin's folk anthem taxi, to pink floyd's dark side of the moon. lately, though i've been captured by the finger pickin and harmony in bluegrass. seth (who coincidentally never updates his blog) turned me onto it a few years ago as we would drive up the poudre canyon outside of fort collins, co on our way to snowshoe or hike one of the many trails branching out from the river below. it's good stuff.

i recently downloaded a jerry garcia/ david grisman album from emusic (legally by the way) and have really enjoyed it. if you like bluegrass you may want to check it out as well. if not, just listen to some music - turn out the lights, crank up some of your favorite tunes and relish the the expression.

thanks also to chris smith and sam whittington for their influence on me through guitar.

behind the times...

i'm behind the times. i admit it. one sign of such is this. i finally read a harry potter book. the first harry potter book no less. i've seen the movies, but just wasn't that interested in reading the books. then again it takes a lot for me to read, as evidenced by a post a few months ago - don't read much. still, i finished this book in about three days. i liked it.

i'm usually not a huge fan of fantasy (well, other than Lord of the Rings and Chronicales of Narnia if you call them fantasy, which i suppose they are) i think it takes a tremendous amount of attention to make sure you keep you mind focused on what it true and not true, real and unreal, fiction and non-fiction. i like non-fiction, but i'm learning you have to do the same intellectual questioning. so much of it depends on the personal bias of the author. i doubt a people's history of the united states was read my too many people in history classes for example. i digress. still, the point is that you have to think critically no matter what you read.

i'm constantly amazed at how deceived people are reading the divinci code - a great fiction book - but just that, fiction! so many people see truth in fiction and it's a pity. anyway, harry potter is no different. i'm very glad to have read this first book and now look forward to reading the second and third and so on. its creative and unique writing and i like it. but there is no such thing as a good witch.

rest...

"Come to me all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for you souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matthew 11: 28-30

it's quoted a lot these verses. did you even take time to think about it though...? i mean meditate on the idea. our burdens, our troubles can be taken care of. our tired legs and weary souls, they can be refreshed in the life of Christ. this is profound.

i took the picture above in crete, greece with todd. a man slumping over his donkey after what i presume was a very difficult day in the olive fields. the sun beating on his brow, his shoulders hunched, his legs weak. he needs rest.

i feel this way sometimes even when i haven't done any signifant manual labor. sometimes i just feel burdened. heavy. weak. downtrodden. and most of the time i fail to remember about Jesus. there is life in Him. i fail to remember that in Him is rest and rejuvenation. i don't remember. i sulk. i cry. i wimper.

not today. today i remembered. tomorrow i will too. next week too. don't know why. it hit me. like revelation. there is rest to be found. just look.

your poor little shadow

did you ever look at your shadow walking along beside you, following you...? did you like what you saw...? it might be long and contorted, short and fat, sideways. diagonal. oblong. demented. strange.

do you ever feel that way inside. you can't quite grasp yourself. you feel ugly. weird. long. fat. contorted. sideways. diagonal. you don't know which way is up. you don't like yourself...?

I do.

sometimes i look inside and i see a shadow of myself. i don't see who i am. i see a poor boy crying for help. i see pain and suffering and struggle and hopelessness. i see a stale life. i see loneliness and hurt. much of it is self inflicted. it is a lie. false. untrue. wrong. incorrect.

how does our Lord and Savior see us. much different i think. strong. smart. athletic. artsy. wonderful. playful. creative. his image is much better than mine.

i hope i see it someday. can't wait to see it.

stare...?

Did you ever feel like someone was staring at you. unbreakable. tension. want to go. want to leave. want to feel protected. the staring. its always there. he is looking at me. watching. wanting to know me. or wanting to hurt me. i am running in my brain. my physical nature is in shock. its stuck. it is concrete. muscles bound by ropes tied of hate. he keeps looking. turn away. don't let him see. walk. run. fly. be gone. i want you to stop staring at me. eyes fire. locked on me. please stop.

can you say...photogenic?

I took these pictures the other day of Hannah - the daughter of some good friends from Amsterdam who now live in Fort Collins, CO. She is an adorable little thing, too bad she doesn't like to get her picture taken...

curiosity

i love how curious my son is. he studies new things. he twirls them and analyzes them and sticks them in his mouth. he asks to touch things, to feel them with his own hands, to explore their inner workings with his own precious little fingers. he is always curious. he was definitely curious of his shadow while swinging at a park near our house. i love it.

relevance. spectacular. power. PART III

power. i might as well just copy the whole chapter about power straight from nouwen since what i say could not possibly do justice to the eloquence with which he explains the corrupting and destructive nature of power.

"the temptation," nouwen says, "to consider power an apt instrument is the greatest temptation of all...we keep hearing from others as well as saying to ourselves, that having power - provided it is used in the service of God and your fellow human beings - is a good thing." reading this, i can't help but to think of the Lord of the Rings Trilogy by jrr tolkien. certain characters (gandalf, aragorn) understand the destructive force of power in our lives and live to flourish while others (boromir, saruman) desire to use it for 'good' and are deceived by it and are destroyed. few other stories represent the destructive force of power so well.

but its hard. our world, our culture, our media, sometimes even our pastors and mentors teach us to love power - to desire it, to want it, to take hold of it. they are wrong to do so. a great example is our culture's desire for money. as the saying goes, money equals power. but Jesus (knowing the corruptive nature of money) has something different to say in matthew 6:24. he knew people with money had power problems and he knew that power would interfere with their faith so he warned against it.

the beatitudes are another prime example of jesus' view on power (see Matthew 5) the poor in spirit, those who mourn, the meek, the hungry, the merciful, the pure in heart, the peacemakers and the persecuted - these are the people who inherit, who will be comforted, who will be filled, who will see God. its not the powerful, the rich, the relevant or the spectacular.

the same is true for the church body itself. nouwen suggests, "if there is any hope for the church in the future, it is for a poor church in which its leaders are willing to be led." in other words, the power of the church is not in its riches or the number of people who attend, but in the willingness of the church to pick up its cross and die to one another.

lastly, i would be amiss not to point out one more very important and strategic point, or rather i should let nouwen do it in his own words concerning the leader. "the most important quality of the Christian leader... is not a leadership of power and control, but a leadership of powerlessness and humility in which the suffering servant of God, Jesus Christ, is made manifest. i, obviously, am not speaking about a psychologically weak leadership in which Christian leaders are simply the passive victims of the manipulations of their milieu. no, i am speaking of a leadership in which power is constantly abandoned in favor of love. it is a true spiritual leadership. powerlessness and humility in the spiritual life do not refer to people who have no spine and who let everyone else make decisions for them. there refer to people who are so deeply in love with Jesus that they are ready to follow him whereever he guides them, always trusting that with him, they will find life and they will find it abundantly."

this my friends is power. it is found in putting on our selfish ambitions aside and serving others, loving others, knowing our Lord Jesus Christ and loving him with all of our hearts, minds and strength. it is giving up US for HIM.

two great things

i know i said i would write about power next, but please forgive me - these other two things are just too good.

1) if you have seen this story of jason mcelwain, please follow the link and check it out - click on the video first and then read the story - have the tissues near by, this might be one of the greatest stories of all time.

2) i accepted a job with the denver school of science and technology today. after six months of searching, i'm finally employed... well almost, i don't start for a little while yet. finally.

these are good things.