This is the commitment God is asking of us right now - will Jayla and I give Him our hearts in order that we will follow Him, that we would give Him our knees in order that we pray fervently and that we would give Him our resources in order that we should make the most of every single gift He has given to us.
We are challenged to let go of Amsterdam for the time being and to live where we are for as Todd told me this morning - You are where you are. (Thanks Todd!) It has been a year and half since we moved back to the States and though we still miss Amsterdam so very much, we have come to the realization that our home is no longer there. At times, we still feel like strangers in a strange land and yet we feel the desire and challenge to connect with vigor to a community here.
It is also the approproate time to change the name of my blog from "Reflections" to "Gateways" - sort of change from looking at the past to dreaming for the future and living in today. Long before I understood much about Christ, I was drawn to a short passage in Matthew 7:
"Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it."
I didn't know what it meant at the time, only that life was hard and that I had to make choices. Now though, I'm starting the journey to understanding. It is a journey in which being a stranger in a strange land will never change while walking this Earth. One day I will experience the choirs of angels singing "Holy, Holy, Holy is the Lord" but until that day we journey through valleys and mountains and pastures and rivers, up and down, left and right - always trying to walk the narrow road.
They say you can tell a lot about a person by whether he/she has more memories than dreams or more dreams than memories. Lord, please help me to dream.
1.16.2007
Hearts - Knees - Resources
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3 comments:
I hear you, Bret. The "Gateways" metaphor is a good one... it really makes sense with where you're trying to direct your focus these days. Let us know how things develop (I, for one, hope that you can keep up at least an intermittent smattering of blog posts)...
Bret:
It's amazing how hard it is to re-learn to live in a place you've spent the majority of your life isn't it?
When I went through re-entry training, the leader I had said he had been back in the States five years and was still trying to learn life. I thought he was being a bit dramatic. Now I'm starting to understand. I'm just different. I'll never be the same.
Maybe you've heard me say this before or read something where I wrote it, but re-entry has honestly been as dramatic as the death of my mom and it's taken me about as long to adjust to as her death.
Crazy. Granted I'd do it all again, and it's not like it's something one can prepare for, but I so didn't know it'd be like this.
Sadness.
EP
Erica:
Thanks for the note. I totally agree and wouldn't at all be surprised if it takes five years or even a lifetime. We will never be the same - this much is true. I really do think that adjusting to life back here in the US is harder than it was to move to A'dam. Don't get be wrong, neither is easy. It's just that everyone understands how hard things must be when you are in a different country, but when you move back to your own country a lot of people don't understand where you have been or what you have been through. I don't even understand it all myself.
BP
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