i hurt myself today
to see if i still feel
i focus on the pain
the only thing that's real
the needle tears a hole
the old familiar sting
try to kill it all away
but i remember everything
what have i become?
my sweetest friend
everyone i know
goes away in the end
you could have it all
my empire of dirt
i will let you down
i will make you hurt
i wear this crown of thorns
upon my liar's chair
full of broken thoughts
i cannot repair
beneath the stains of time
the feelings disappear
you are someone else
i am still right here
what have i become?
my sweetest friend
everyone i know
goes away in the end
and you could have it all
my empire of dirt
i will let you down
i will make you hurt
if i could start again
a million miles away
i would keep myself
i would find a way
12.13.2006
HURT
I may have posted about this before, but I am once again touched by the "Hurt" video by Johnny Cash. It's very emotional for me on several levels, and especially now in the midst of trying to grow stronger with Christ in all I do.
11.30.2006
which path to follow...
Working at a public school is very difficult for me right now. I just found out that our philosphy class is teaching that ethics and morals codes definitely DO NOT come from the Triune God or any god for that matter. INstead they are the result of human thinking and teaching.
I don't have a problem with teaching different angles, different sides of a story, but to teach one way as wrong is inappropriate and annoying.
What do you think...?
I don't have a problem with teaching different angles, different sides of a story, but to teach one way as wrong is inappropriate and annoying.
What do you think...?
11.27.2006
the pursuit
I'm doing my yearly read of AW Tozers "the Pursuit of God" and am once again captured by the simplicity and compassion in which Tozer lays out my God. I'm convinced to read this book every autumn season as I think about my goals and commitments for the next year. It is a great kickoff.
On one of the first pages of the book, Tozer states "The modern scientist has lost God amid the wonders of His world: we Christians are in real danger of losing God amid the wonders of His word." I can't help but to stop and think for a moment about this short comment.
I was in Cancun last week swimming with dolphins - seriously - and came out of the ocean to see this poster of the dolphin. It explained that dolphins have evolved from an acient wolf like creature (very furry and fierce looking) which no longer wanted to live on land so developed into the dolphin we know today (graceful and smooth under water.) I thought to myself, "How could this possibly be...?", and thought that this is being taught in our schools. God is lost in His own creation.
And then, I think about my Christian experience and realize I too am lost almost always. I am lost in my own world as I see God, rather than being found in the wonderful world He has made and set before us. It is possible to be in pursuit of Him and I want to be so bad.
On one of the first pages of the book, Tozer states "The modern scientist has lost God amid the wonders of His world: we Christians are in real danger of losing God amid the wonders of His word." I can't help but to stop and think for a moment about this short comment.
I was in Cancun last week swimming with dolphins - seriously - and came out of the ocean to see this poster of the dolphin. It explained that dolphins have evolved from an acient wolf like creature (very furry and fierce looking) which no longer wanted to live on land so developed into the dolphin we know today (graceful and smooth under water.) I thought to myself, "How could this possibly be...?", and thought that this is being taught in our schools. God is lost in His own creation.
And then, I think about my Christian experience and realize I too am lost almost always. I am lost in my own world as I see God, rather than being found in the wonderful world He has made and set before us. It is possible to be in pursuit of Him and I want to be so bad.
11.17.2006
Jayla's Thoughts
Check out Jayla's blog, Pura Vida, for some more thoughts on precious Leo.
I can't believe it's been almost a week already since we had to put him down. It continues to be hard at times - times when I just want to go snuggle him and be with him and walk with him.
I used to sit down with my legs spread wide open on the floor and Leo would come over and nestle in with his back against my legs. As I stroked his neck or scratched behind his ears, he would groan and purr. It was sweet and I miss it.
I can't believe it's been almost a week already since we had to put him down. It continues to be hard at times - times when I just want to go snuggle him and be with him and walk with him.
I used to sit down with my legs spread wide open on the floor and Leo would come over and nestle in with his back against my legs. As I stroked his neck or scratched behind his ears, he would groan and purr. It was sweet and I miss it.
11.14.2006
Remembering Leo
This morning started out like many mornings in our house. I took care of the normal morning routine - you know - brush teeth, shower, put on clothes, read, study, write, change Asher, etc... Then as I took Asher down stairs, bopping down so he would laugh as usual, a sadness came upon me.
Like usual, Asher was yelling "Eeo, Eeo" (his form of Leo). At the last stair I put him down and he ran for the corner where Leo used to lay, just around the wall from the kitchen. As Asher got to the corner he stopped, mystified by the emptiness that was before him. I thought for a moment he would cry. Instead, he went off to play with his toys as any normal 20 month old boy would do. I guess he's too young to know what has happened.
I shed a quick tear and move on to getting breakfast started, when again, I hear "Eeo, Eeo, Eeo" and turn around to see Asher pointing at Leo's photo album. It was so sweet. Jayla and I went into the family room and talked with Asher about Leo and how he is now gone. Of course, Asher just wanted to play. I guess he's just too young.
Me though. I'm not too young. I miss Leo. I miss going downstairs and hearing his rock hard tail thumping off the wall as he eagerly awaits his breakfast. I miss his beautiful eyes looking up at me waiting for some morning love. I miss his huge snout and his big feet and his amazing curly coat. He is gone physically, but Jayla and I still feel him in a very real way. Sweet boy.
Like usual, Asher was yelling "Eeo, Eeo" (his form of Leo). At the last stair I put him down and he ran for the corner where Leo used to lay, just around the wall from the kitchen. As Asher got to the corner he stopped, mystified by the emptiness that was before him. I thought for a moment he would cry. Instead, he went off to play with his toys as any normal 20 month old boy would do. I guess he's too young to know what has happened.
I shed a quick tear and move on to getting breakfast started, when again, I hear "Eeo, Eeo, Eeo" and turn around to see Asher pointing at Leo's photo album. It was so sweet. Jayla and I went into the family room and talked with Asher about Leo and how he is now gone. Of course, Asher just wanted to play. I guess he's just too young.
Me though. I'm not too young. I miss Leo. I miss going downstairs and hearing his rock hard tail thumping off the wall as he eagerly awaits his breakfast. I miss his beautiful eyes looking up at me waiting for some morning love. I miss his huge snout and his big feet and his amazing curly coat. He is gone physically, but Jayla and I still feel him in a very real way. Sweet boy.
11.11.2006
A Faithful Friend Departed
Today, November 11, 2006 at 3:11pm, Jayla and I lost a faithful and beautiful member of our immediate family.
It has been an incredibly emotional and challenging day for us as Jayla and I knew what lay before us even before the day began. After breakfast we loaded Asher and Leo into the car and headed to the mountains just outside of Red Rocks Ampitheater in Morrison, CO. It was important to us to get Leo out for some fresh air and some moutain views before the afternoon.
I put the towel under Leo's belly as has been normal for us the past few weeks, because Leo was unable to walk on his own. I led him to a patch of grass from which we could see Red Rocks and the city of Denver in the horizon. It was as nice as spot as any. Leo chewed a rawhide we had given him and Asher ran around falling on Prickly Pear Cactus and enjoying the weather. Jayla and I focused soley on the dog. We sobbed as we looked through a photo album of Leo - pictures of him as a puppy, pictures of him frolicking in the snow, pictures of him loving life.
In just a few hours we would be heading to Alameda East Vet Hospital to put Leo to sleep. We made the final decision to put him down last Thursday as Leo's condition has steadily worsened over the past few weeks to the point he can't hold himself up while urinating. It was too much to bear for both us and him. And, yet, the picture above was just taken today at about 2pm. Look at him. He looks wonderful. Just thinking about putting him down has caused much pain and anguish for us for several weeks.
When we returned from the moutains, we mixed up some cement and made footprint impressions of Leo's front paws and cooked him a juicy NY strip steak. As per the usual, Leo didn't even chew the steak - he just inhaled it - it was fitting. We would have it no other way.
We sat with him for seemed like an eternity and then cautiously headed toward the car again for our trip to the vet. It was one of the strangest times in my life. To be driving down the road knowing what we were about to do was nothing less than surreal.
We arrived at the vet and I arranged to have a stretcher brought out to help Leo in. They immediately rolled him to the back as Jayla and I headed to the "comfort room". We cried as he was taken behind closed doors. The look on his face vividly reminded us of Dulles Airport on our way to Amsterdam. He had the same exact look when the airline workers rolled him behind closed doors to load him onto the plane. It was a look of wonder - wondering whether he would see us again. We did.
And we would see him again this time as well. We arranged his bed on the ground and slowly lowered him down to the floor. He was happy to be with us, content in the knowledge that we were there with him. Tears flowed from our eyes as we talked about all he has meant to us and the all the wonderful memories we have of him and with him. Memories like:
- hiking in Grand Gulch
- the trip to Amsterdam
- the way he would look for us when snowshoeing
- his huge feet (and his huge nostrils)
- his amber eyes and his wavy brown hair
- running with him on rainy days
- snuggling him during hard times
- him licking out of an ice cream bowl with Sam
- and many, many more
The doctor would enter about 20 minutes later and slowly inject him with a durg making him "fall asleep." That's just what he did. Slowly, he laid his big head on my right shoe as Jayla and I carressed his beautiful coat of curly dead grass fur. He breathed his last at about 3:11pm. It was one of the hardest moments of my life.
And at the same time, we feel so tremendously blessed to have experienced so much with Leo. We look upon his years with incredible fondness and will never forget him - never.
It has been an incredibly emotional and challenging day for us as Jayla and I knew what lay before us even before the day began. After breakfast we loaded Asher and Leo into the car and headed to the mountains just outside of Red Rocks Ampitheater in Morrison, CO. It was important to us to get Leo out for some fresh air and some moutain views before the afternoon.
I put the towel under Leo's belly as has been normal for us the past few weeks, because Leo was unable to walk on his own. I led him to a patch of grass from which we could see Red Rocks and the city of Denver in the horizon. It was as nice as spot as any. Leo chewed a rawhide we had given him and Asher ran around falling on Prickly Pear Cactus and enjoying the weather. Jayla and I focused soley on the dog. We sobbed as we looked through a photo album of Leo - pictures of him as a puppy, pictures of him frolicking in the snow, pictures of him loving life.
In just a few hours we would be heading to Alameda East Vet Hospital to put Leo to sleep. We made the final decision to put him down last Thursday as Leo's condition has steadily worsened over the past few weeks to the point he can't hold himself up while urinating. It was too much to bear for both us and him. And, yet, the picture above was just taken today at about 2pm. Look at him. He looks wonderful. Just thinking about putting him down has caused much pain and anguish for us for several weeks.
When we returned from the moutains, we mixed up some cement and made footprint impressions of Leo's front paws and cooked him a juicy NY strip steak. As per the usual, Leo didn't even chew the steak - he just inhaled it - it was fitting. We would have it no other way.
We sat with him for seemed like an eternity and then cautiously headed toward the car again for our trip to the vet. It was one of the strangest times in my life. To be driving down the road knowing what we were about to do was nothing less than surreal.
We arrived at the vet and I arranged to have a stretcher brought out to help Leo in. They immediately rolled him to the back as Jayla and I headed to the "comfort room". We cried as he was taken behind closed doors. The look on his face vividly reminded us of Dulles Airport on our way to Amsterdam. He had the same exact look when the airline workers rolled him behind closed doors to load him onto the plane. It was a look of wonder - wondering whether he would see us again. We did.
And we would see him again this time as well. We arranged his bed on the ground and slowly lowered him down to the floor. He was happy to be with us, content in the knowledge that we were there with him. Tears flowed from our eyes as we talked about all he has meant to us and the all the wonderful memories we have of him and with him. Memories like:
- hiking in Grand Gulch
- the trip to Amsterdam
- the way he would look for us when snowshoeing
- his huge feet (and his huge nostrils)
- his amber eyes and his wavy brown hair
- running with him on rainy days
- snuggling him during hard times
- him licking out of an ice cream bowl with Sam
- and many, many more
The doctor would enter about 20 minutes later and slowly inject him with a durg making him "fall asleep." That's just what he did. Slowly, he laid his big head on my right shoe as Jayla and I carressed his beautiful coat of curly dead grass fur. He breathed his last at about 3:11pm. It was one of the hardest moments of my life.
And at the same time, we feel so tremendously blessed to have experienced so much with Leo. We look upon his years with incredible fondness and will never forget him - never.
11.09.2006
confessions of an economic hitman
So, I'm reading this book right now, called CONFESSIONS OF AN ECONOMIC HITMAN, by John Perkins. You can find lots more information about it here. And here is a piece of the prologue:
Quito, Ecuador’s capital, stretches across a volcanic valley high in the Andes, at an altitude of nine thousand feet. Residents of this city, which was founded long before Columbus arrived in the Americas, are accustomed to seeing snow on the surrounding peaks, despite the fact that they live just a few miles south of the equator. The city of Shell, a frontier outpost and military base hacked out of Ecuador’s Amazon jungle to service the oil company whose name it bears, is nearly eight thousand feet lower than Quito. A steaming city, it is inhabited mostly by soldiers, oil workers, and the indigenous people from the Shuar and Kichwa tribes who work for them as prostitutes and laborers.
To journey from one city to the other, you must travel a road that is both tortuous and breathtaking. Local people will tell you that during the trip you experience all four seasons in a single day. Although I have driven this road many times, I never tire of the spectacular scenery. Sheer cliffs, punctuated by cascading waterfalls and brilliant bromeliads, rise up one side. On the other side, the earth drops abruptly into a deep abyss where the Pastaza River, a headwater of the Amazon, snakes its way down the Andes. The Pastaza carries water from the glaciers of Cotopaxi, one of the world’s highest active volcanoes and a deity in the time of the Incas, to the Atlantic Ocean over three thousand miles away.
In 2003, I departed Quito in a Subaru Outback and headed for Shell on a mission that was like no other I had ever accepted. I was hoping to end a war I had helped create. As is the case with so many things we EHMs must take responsibility for, it is a war that is virtually unknown anywhere outside the country where it is fought. I was on my way to meet with the Shuars, the Kichwas, and their neighbors the Achuars, the Zaparos, and the Shiwiars—tribes determined to prevent our oil companies from destroying their homes, families, and lands, even if it means they must die in the process. For them, this is a war about the survival of their children and cultures, while for us it is about power, money, and natural resources. It is one part of the struggle for world domination and the dream of a few greedy men, global empire.
That is what we EHMs do best: we build a global empire. We are an elite group of men and women who utilize international financial organizations to foment conditions that make other nations subservient to the corporatocracy running our biggest corporations, our government, and our banks. Like our counterparts in the Mafia, EHMs provide favors. These take the form of loans to develop infrastructure —electric generating plants, highways, ports, airports, or industrial parks. A condition of such loans is that engineering and construction companies from our own country must build all these projects. In essence, most of the money never leaves the United States; it is simply transferred from banking offices in Washington to engineering offices in New York, Houston, or San Francisco.
Despite the fact that the money is returned almost immediately to corporations that are members of the corporatocracy (the creditor), the recipient country is required to pay it all back, principal plus interest. If an EHM is completely successful, the loans are so large that the debtor is forced to default on its payments after a few years. When this happens, then like the Mafia we demand our pound of flesh. This often includes one or more of the following: control over United Nations votes, the installation of military bases, or access to precious resources such as oil or the Panama Canal. Of course, the debtor still owes us the money—and another country is added to our global empire.
Thanks to JR for his picture at the top.
Quito, Ecuador’s capital, stretches across a volcanic valley high in the Andes, at an altitude of nine thousand feet. Residents of this city, which was founded long before Columbus arrived in the Americas, are accustomed to seeing snow on the surrounding peaks, despite the fact that they live just a few miles south of the equator. The city of Shell, a frontier outpost and military base hacked out of Ecuador’s Amazon jungle to service the oil company whose name it bears, is nearly eight thousand feet lower than Quito. A steaming city, it is inhabited mostly by soldiers, oil workers, and the indigenous people from the Shuar and Kichwa tribes who work for them as prostitutes and laborers.
To journey from one city to the other, you must travel a road that is both tortuous and breathtaking. Local people will tell you that during the trip you experience all four seasons in a single day. Although I have driven this road many times, I never tire of the spectacular scenery. Sheer cliffs, punctuated by cascading waterfalls and brilliant bromeliads, rise up one side. On the other side, the earth drops abruptly into a deep abyss where the Pastaza River, a headwater of the Amazon, snakes its way down the Andes. The Pastaza carries water from the glaciers of Cotopaxi, one of the world’s highest active volcanoes and a deity in the time of the Incas, to the Atlantic Ocean over three thousand miles away.
In 2003, I departed Quito in a Subaru Outback and headed for Shell on a mission that was like no other I had ever accepted. I was hoping to end a war I had helped create. As is the case with so many things we EHMs must take responsibility for, it is a war that is virtually unknown anywhere outside the country where it is fought. I was on my way to meet with the Shuars, the Kichwas, and their neighbors the Achuars, the Zaparos, and the Shiwiars—tribes determined to prevent our oil companies from destroying their homes, families, and lands, even if it means they must die in the process. For them, this is a war about the survival of their children and cultures, while for us it is about power, money, and natural resources. It is one part of the struggle for world domination and the dream of a few greedy men, global empire.
That is what we EHMs do best: we build a global empire. We are an elite group of men and women who utilize international financial organizations to foment conditions that make other nations subservient to the corporatocracy running our biggest corporations, our government, and our banks. Like our counterparts in the Mafia, EHMs provide favors. These take the form of loans to develop infrastructure —electric generating plants, highways, ports, airports, or industrial parks. A condition of such loans is that engineering and construction companies from our own country must build all these projects. In essence, most of the money never leaves the United States; it is simply transferred from banking offices in Washington to engineering offices in New York, Houston, or San Francisco.
Despite the fact that the money is returned almost immediately to corporations that are members of the corporatocracy (the creditor), the recipient country is required to pay it all back, principal plus interest. If an EHM is completely successful, the loans are so large that the debtor is forced to default on its payments after a few years. When this happens, then like the Mafia we demand our pound of flesh. This often includes one or more of the following: control over United Nations votes, the installation of military bases, or access to precious resources such as oil or the Panama Canal. Of course, the debtor still owes us the money—and another country is added to our global empire.
Thanks to JR for his picture at the top.
10.30.2006
an embrace
I don't know if you have heard the latest Jars of Clay album, titled "Good Monsters", but if you have not I highly recommend it. There is one song in particular, written by the band after a trip to Rwanda in which they heard some gruesome stories of the genocide there. "Oh my God" was inspired by one.
Oh My God
Oh my God, look around this place,
Your fingers reach around the bone,
you set the break and set the tone
For flights of grace, and future falls
In present pain all fools say, "Oh my God."
Oh my God, why are we so afraid?
We make it worse when we don't bleed,
There is no cure for our disease.
Turn a phrase and rise again,
Or fake your death and only tell your closest friends,
Oh My God.
Oh my God, can I complain?
You take away my firm belief and graft my soul upon your grief.
Weddings, boats, and alibis,
All drift away, and a mother cries...
Liars and fools, sons and failures, theives will always say..
Lost and found, ailing wanderers, healers always say..
Whores and angels, men with problems, leavers always say..
Broken hearted, separated, orphans always say..
War creators, racial haters, preachers always say..
Distant fathers, fallen warriors, givers always say..
Pilgrim saints, lonely widows, users always say..
Fearful mothers, watchful doubters, Saviors always say..
Sometimes I can not forgive
and these days mercy cuts so deep,
If the world was how it should be, maybe I could get some sleep.
While I lay, I'd dream we're better, scales were gone and faces lighter,
When we wake we hate our brother, we still move to hurt each other,
Sometimes I can close my eyes and all the fear the keeps me silent,
Falls below my heavy breathing, what makes me so badly bent?
We all have a chance to murder, we all have the need for wonder.
We still want to be reminded that the pain is worth the plunder.
Sometimes when I lose my grip, I wonder what to make of heaven,
All the times I thought to reach up, all the times I had to give up.
Babies underneath their beds, in hospitals that cannot treat them.
All the wounds that money causes, all the comforts of cathedrals,
All the cries of thirsty children, this is our inheritance,
All the rage of watching mothers, this is our greatest offense
Oh my God, Oh my God, Oh my God.
Oh My God
Oh my God, look around this place,
Your fingers reach around the bone,
you set the break and set the tone
For flights of grace, and future falls
In present pain all fools say, "Oh my God."
Oh my God, why are we so afraid?
We make it worse when we don't bleed,
There is no cure for our disease.
Turn a phrase and rise again,
Or fake your death and only tell your closest friends,
Oh My God.
Oh my God, can I complain?
You take away my firm belief and graft my soul upon your grief.
Weddings, boats, and alibis,
All drift away, and a mother cries...
Liars and fools, sons and failures, theives will always say..
Lost and found, ailing wanderers, healers always say..
Whores and angels, men with problems, leavers always say..
Broken hearted, separated, orphans always say..
War creators, racial haters, preachers always say..
Distant fathers, fallen warriors, givers always say..
Pilgrim saints, lonely widows, users always say..
Fearful mothers, watchful doubters, Saviors always say..
Sometimes I can not forgive
and these days mercy cuts so deep,
If the world was how it should be, maybe I could get some sleep.
While I lay, I'd dream we're better, scales were gone and faces lighter,
When we wake we hate our brother, we still move to hurt each other,
Sometimes I can close my eyes and all the fear the keeps me silent,
Falls below my heavy breathing, what makes me so badly bent?
We all have a chance to murder, we all have the need for wonder.
We still want to be reminded that the pain is worth the plunder.
Sometimes when I lose my grip, I wonder what to make of heaven,
All the times I thought to reach up, all the times I had to give up.
Babies underneath their beds, in hospitals that cannot treat them.
All the wounds that money causes, all the comforts of cathedrals,
All the cries of thirsty children, this is our inheritance,
All the rage of watching mothers, this is our greatest offense
Oh my God, Oh my God, Oh my God.
10.24.2006
fruity
love. joy. peace. patience. kindness. goodness. faithfulness. gentleness. self-control. (paul)
faith. goodness. knowledge. self-control. perseverance. godliness. brotherly kindness. love. (peter)
Is it conincidence that Paul and Peter have given us such closely related instruction about what we become when under the umbrella of Christ...? I think not. What we become is a humanity devoted to each other, who are strong and peaceful and loving and disciplined and controlled and patient.
I'm so amazed at how the whole picture comes together so frequently in Scripture. Cool stuff.
faith. goodness. knowledge. self-control. perseverance. godliness. brotherly kindness. love. (peter)
Is it conincidence that Paul and Peter have given us such closely related instruction about what we become when under the umbrella of Christ...? I think not. What we become is a humanity devoted to each other, who are strong and peaceful and loving and disciplined and controlled and patient.
I'm so amazed at how the whole picture comes together so frequently in Scripture. Cool stuff.
10.20.2006
10.16.2006
How Long to Sing this Song...?
PSALM 40
I waited patiently for the LORD;
he turned to me and heard my cry.
He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand.
He put a new song in my mouth,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear
and put their trust in the LORD.
I woke up this morning with the song "40" in my head from U2, taken from the Psalm above. I have been impacted of late by the words in Romans 3 - "there is no one righteous, not even one" and in the words of Romans 5 - "And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we[c] also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts." I suppose that's why I wanted to sing a new song.
"I will sing, sing a new song.
I will sing, sing a new song.
How long, to sing this song...?
How long, to sing this song...?
How long, how long...?"
Since I have the U2 - Live in Chicago video and since Asher and Jayla weren't home, I decided to put on the DVD and crank it up (much louder than you can listen to this clip from YouTube). There is a point in the video when they focus in on Larry Mullen, the humble drummer of U2 who rarely shows emotion while playing. The camera moves in on him so that only his face and the movement of his drumsticks are the picture. As with many pictures, the eyes tell the story. His eyes are fully alive glistening with the tears of hard work, toil and perseverance. I like to think there is more.
I like to think those are the tears of the Psalmist in #40. I WAITED PATIENTLY FOR THE LORD AND HE TURNED TO HEAR MY CRY. HE REACHED DOWN AND GRABBED ME, HOLDING ME TIGHT AND LIFTED ME FROM THE PERILS OF LIFE. HE SET ME UPON THE ROCK, WHO IS CHRIST WHERE MY FOUNDATION IS STRONG AND STABLE. THEN HE PUT A MELODY IN MY HEART AND I COULDN'T HELP BUT TO SING A NEW SONG. I WILL SING AND SING AND SING THIS SONG OF GRACE AND LOVE ALL MY DAYS.
I feel a connection and start crying.
As the song (and concert end) it is just Larry on stage. The crowd, 20,000 strong, is belting out "How long? to sing this song?" - singig a song of praise (whether they know it or not.) Mr. Mullen is lightly tapping his cymbals and touching the bass pedal ever so slightly, when he suddenly goes into a drumming frenzy a if possessed by the thought of the Rock himself. And, he walks off stage with a simple wave of the hand.
I'm not trying to glorify U2 here, but what I appreciate about them is the connection they create with their fans. I see it as some microcosm of the way we will connect with Christ in heaven. Thousands upon thousands and ten thousand times ten thousand encircling the throne of God in worship. I was connected this morning. And I sat there and cried. And I opened Scripture to Psalm 40 and read it over and over and over and over. How long will I sing this song...? How long...? How long...?
I waited patiently for the LORD;
he turned to me and heard my cry.
He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand.
He put a new song in my mouth,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear
and put their trust in the LORD.
I woke up this morning with the song "40" in my head from U2, taken from the Psalm above. I have been impacted of late by the words in Romans 3 - "there is no one righteous, not even one" and in the words of Romans 5 - "And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we[c] also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts." I suppose that's why I wanted to sing a new song.
"I will sing, sing a new song.
I will sing, sing a new song.
How long, to sing this song...?
How long, to sing this song...?
How long, how long...?"
Since I have the U2 - Live in Chicago video and since Asher and Jayla weren't home, I decided to put on the DVD and crank it up (much louder than you can listen to this clip from YouTube). There is a point in the video when they focus in on Larry Mullen, the humble drummer of U2 who rarely shows emotion while playing. The camera moves in on him so that only his face and the movement of his drumsticks are the picture. As with many pictures, the eyes tell the story. His eyes are fully alive glistening with the tears of hard work, toil and perseverance. I like to think there is more.
I like to think those are the tears of the Psalmist in #40. I WAITED PATIENTLY FOR THE LORD AND HE TURNED TO HEAR MY CRY. HE REACHED DOWN AND GRABBED ME, HOLDING ME TIGHT AND LIFTED ME FROM THE PERILS OF LIFE. HE SET ME UPON THE ROCK, WHO IS CHRIST WHERE MY FOUNDATION IS STRONG AND STABLE. THEN HE PUT A MELODY IN MY HEART AND I COULDN'T HELP BUT TO SING A NEW SONG. I WILL SING AND SING AND SING THIS SONG OF GRACE AND LOVE ALL MY DAYS.
I feel a connection and start crying.
As the song (and concert end) it is just Larry on stage. The crowd, 20,000 strong, is belting out "How long? to sing this song?" - singig a song of praise (whether they know it or not.) Mr. Mullen is lightly tapping his cymbals and touching the bass pedal ever so slightly, when he suddenly goes into a drumming frenzy a if possessed by the thought of the Rock himself. And, he walks off stage with a simple wave of the hand.
I'm not trying to glorify U2 here, but what I appreciate about them is the connection they create with their fans. I see it as some microcosm of the way we will connect with Christ in heaven. Thousands upon thousands and ten thousand times ten thousand encircling the throne of God in worship. I was connected this morning. And I sat there and cried. And I opened Scripture to Psalm 40 and read it over and over and over and over. How long will I sing this song...? How long...? How long...?
10.10.2006
wish that doesn't come true
It's an emotional time for me. Jayla leaves for Amsterdam in just about three hours and I won't be with her - physically anyway. She will have to walk the Spui without me. I will have to dream on my own.
I looked for plane tix this morning to see if I could actually make it over for the weekend, but to no avail. It was just a shot anyway.
Really, I can't stop thinking about Todd, Lindy, Lee, Diane, Ivan, Louike, Sam, Patricia, Eric, Marcey, Theo, JJde, SNde, Linda, Naomi, Daryl, Katie, Ned, Maritje, Brian, Johanna, the Smiths, Jonas, Steph, Jen, all the kids, and all the others who are part of our community there. I miss them and each one gives me certain memories I love to enjoy...whether Ned's great coffee at Bagels and Beans or riding back with Lee or whatever.
You're probably getting bored with me by now so I should figure out something else to write about. Please take care of Jayla while she's there.
I looked for plane tix this morning to see if I could actually make it over for the weekend, but to no avail. It was just a shot anyway.
Really, I can't stop thinking about Todd, Lindy, Lee, Diane, Ivan, Louike, Sam, Patricia, Eric, Marcey, Theo, JJde, SNde, Linda, Naomi, Daryl, Katie, Ned, Maritje, Brian, Johanna, the Smiths, Jonas, Steph, Jen, all the kids, and all the others who are part of our community there. I miss them and each one gives me certain memories I love to enjoy...whether Ned's great coffee at Bagels and Beans or riding back with Lee or whatever.
You're probably getting bored with me by now so I should figure out something else to write about. Please take care of Jayla while she's there.
10.09.2006
going through the motions
Something has really hit me hard these past couple days culminating in a very slow start to my day today. Jayla is leaving for Amsterdam tomorrow. For one thing, I'm realizing how much I'm going to miss her. For the second, I'm realizing how much I wish I was going with her. So many of our memories there are wrapped up in the shared experience of being there together. So, it's weird to think of her experiencing all these memories without me. I think that side of it is hitting her as well.
The other part is me realizing how much I miss my/our life there. I mean, I've realized it before, but now I'm really struggling with it big time. I guess, it's this. I just feel like life here is so unimportant. Don't get me wrong, I love my wife and my child and the mountains and my friends here. But it still feels like I'm going through the motions of life, rather really living it to the full. Do you know what I mean...? I really like my job a lot, really I do. I have the chance to be part of a huge change in education on the macro level (Bill Gates Foundation looking at our school as an example school) and on the micro level, I may affect a high school kid for the rest of his life. That's cool stuff. It still feels like I'm going through the motions.
Even this morning as I lay in bed talking with Jayla about the dreary day, with the clouds and rain, I somehow transported back to Amsterdam where I loved meeting Todd and Lee and Theo and Brian and Sam and whoever for a gezellig cup of koffie at the local cafe. What does it feel like here...? Going through the motions. There is something missing in life here, at least for me.
Again, I'm not complaining about being unlucky or miserable here, as we are so blessed to have what we have, where we have it, but it's still just going through the motions. I can't put my finger on it. Is the grass greener on the other side...? Have I failed to get involved in something powerful and meaningful here...? Have I missed my calling...? I don't know the answer. I do know I miss our mission and our friends and our lives in Amsterdam. I miss the culture and the coffee and Hap Hmmm. I miss my bike and the even the rain. I hate the rain too. I miss the city and the people and the buildings. I hate the concrete jungle too. It's weird.
Ultimately, it still feels like going through the motions.
The other part is me realizing how much I miss my/our life there. I mean, I've realized it before, but now I'm really struggling with it big time. I guess, it's this. I just feel like life here is so unimportant. Don't get me wrong, I love my wife and my child and the mountains and my friends here. But it still feels like I'm going through the motions of life, rather really living it to the full. Do you know what I mean...? I really like my job a lot, really I do. I have the chance to be part of a huge change in education on the macro level (Bill Gates Foundation looking at our school as an example school) and on the micro level, I may affect a high school kid for the rest of his life. That's cool stuff. It still feels like I'm going through the motions.
Even this morning as I lay in bed talking with Jayla about the dreary day, with the clouds and rain, I somehow transported back to Amsterdam where I loved meeting Todd and Lee and Theo and Brian and Sam and whoever for a gezellig cup of koffie at the local cafe. What does it feel like here...? Going through the motions. There is something missing in life here, at least for me.
Again, I'm not complaining about being unlucky or miserable here, as we are so blessed to have what we have, where we have it, but it's still just going through the motions. I can't put my finger on it. Is the grass greener on the other side...? Have I failed to get involved in something powerful and meaningful here...? Have I missed my calling...? I don't know the answer. I do know I miss our mission and our friends and our lives in Amsterdam. I miss the culture and the coffee and Hap Hmmm. I miss my bike and the even the rain. I hate the rain too. I miss the city and the people and the buildings. I hate the concrete jungle too. It's weird.
Ultimately, it still feels like going through the motions.
10.06.2006
the desert
I went to Scottsdale, AZ last weekend to play some golf with buddies. I went to the desert. Physically, I'd never been there before. Spiritually I had.
The desert was beautiful and awesome and scary and crazy all at the same time. I loved it in many ways. Then I started thinking about how much I would love it if I was there for 40 days and 40 nights much less 40 years. It's dry and hot and there are lizards and snakes.
As I thought about it more and more, I realized I'm in awe of the desert and also very scared of the desert. It seems like such a lonely place.
I suppose the good part of being in the desert is that you have no place to turn but to the Lord Almighty. He will provide provision for you.
The desert was beautiful and awesome and scary and crazy all at the same time. I loved it in many ways. Then I started thinking about how much I would love it if I was there for 40 days and 40 nights much less 40 years. It's dry and hot and there are lizards and snakes.
As I thought about it more and more, I realized I'm in awe of the desert and also very scared of the desert. It seems like such a lonely place.
I suppose the good part of being in the desert is that you have no place to turn but to the Lord Almighty. He will provide provision for you.
9.29.2006
No longer home
A far away view of the Zolder - an approprite image given I will never see it from within again. The inside is but a memory and photograph, nothing more. Still, I will never forget it.
I posted on Eric's blog earlier today cause I had this weird feeling that I somehow understood his "work struggle" from three/four years ago. You feel on the outside.
It's weird not being in Amsterdam right now. I see the pictures of packing up and an empty Zolder - a casket of what once was as Eric put it. It's sad to me, much like I'm at a funeral. I'm sad because the Zolder meant so much to me as our HOME there, but also because I wasn't there to help everyone pack up and move on to the next pasture. Somehow, I feel almost like I was never there - like it's a dream.
In Exodus, God leads his people far from the promised land, through the desert, such that they may find HIM first before finding the milk and honey. I wonder if that's where God is taking the Zolder now. Will there be desert ahead and manna on the grass as dew in the morning...? Time will tell I suppose.
For now though, it makes me sad to know I'll never see the inside of that building again. Very sad. Still, this is a time of renewal and growth and challenge. Great things will come I'm sure and that gives me great hope.
Lee, Diane, Todd, Lindy , Eric, Marci, Patricia, Linda, Sam, Theo, JJde, SNde, Wilmy, Naomi, Ned, Daryl, Katy - I know I've forgotten some - there are not many of the original crew left. And yet, the church goes on. How cool.
I posted on Eric's blog earlier today cause I had this weird feeling that I somehow understood his "work struggle" from three/four years ago. You feel on the outside.
It's weird not being in Amsterdam right now. I see the pictures of packing up and an empty Zolder - a casket of what once was as Eric put it. It's sad to me, much like I'm at a funeral. I'm sad because the Zolder meant so much to me as our HOME there, but also because I wasn't there to help everyone pack up and move on to the next pasture. Somehow, I feel almost like I was never there - like it's a dream.
In Exodus, God leads his people far from the promised land, through the desert, such that they may find HIM first before finding the milk and honey. I wonder if that's where God is taking the Zolder now. Will there be desert ahead and manna on the grass as dew in the morning...? Time will tell I suppose.
For now though, it makes me sad to know I'll never see the inside of that building again. Very sad. Still, this is a time of renewal and growth and challenge. Great things will come I'm sure and that gives me great hope.
Lee, Diane, Todd, Lindy , Eric, Marci, Patricia, Linda, Sam, Theo, JJde, SNde, Wilmy, Naomi, Ned, Daryl, Katy - I know I've forgotten some - there are not many of the original crew left. And yet, the church goes on. How cool.
9.26.2006
de Krakeling is gone (for us)
Memories. Like fading glimpses into a past like, they are on the top of my mind lately. To read Todd and Eric's blogs make them even more in the forefront of the cerebral cortex.
Memories like this picture of the Krakeling lights on the semi-north side of the building (you can even see Steve in the picture if you look close enough through the bus tailights.) This picture became sort of a legend for me in the thoughts of Amsterdam. It was even used on the Gread & Partners brochure.
Memories like
- walking Amber across the bridge to Brian and Johanna's when the intervention took place
- sitting in the kitchen listening to Todd talk about grace (I was talking with Alex at the time and he seemed almost stunned)
- listening to Chris belt out With or Without You in front of a packed night
- reading the Gospels in 7 different languages
- walking down the steps at our first Easter service
-watching Jayla serve week after week in the Red Light District; reaching out, speaking out and praying out to some very broken women
- sitting in the corner one night at Soul Gathering and just listening to our small choir sing with our hearts on our sleeves - magical
- painting the office for what seemed like days with Lindy, Seth, Jayla and Todd
- meeting with Eric, Todd and Lee to do Making Peace with Your Past
- Shawn faithfully doing the slides and teaching Marco to do the same
- like Eric stepping out or his comfort zone to teach Christ even when speaking in preaching wasn't his greatest gift
- like Lee walking through many valleys only to come out on the other side a stronger and more faithful servant
- like our home group growing from 6 to 8 to 14 to 22 to 38 to 8 to 14
- like watching the Oranje on the projection TV
- like helping to clean the Marnixstraat over and over and over and over
- like looking around the "old church" in what is now the office and wondering about the potential of a smal group of people wanting to change a whole city
- like looking back and thinking "WOW!"
- like stepping on the plane with my wife and 5 month old baby on August 31st, 2005 and thinking I've gained a greater life.
There is no doubt. I've gained so much from so little. Though it makes me so sad that I didn't get to say "goodbye" to the Zolder, I'm sure happy I got to experience it if even for one night. It was gezellig and warm and cozy and most of all, filled with people who wanted nothing more than to do what we called Community.
Memories like this picture of the Krakeling lights on the semi-north side of the building (you can even see Steve in the picture if you look close enough through the bus tailights.) This picture became sort of a legend for me in the thoughts of Amsterdam. It was even used on the Gread & Partners brochure.
Memories like
- walking Amber across the bridge to Brian and Johanna's when the intervention took place
- sitting in the kitchen listening to Todd talk about grace (I was talking with Alex at the time and he seemed almost stunned)
- listening to Chris belt out With or Without You in front of a packed night
- reading the Gospels in 7 different languages
- walking down the steps at our first Easter service
-watching Jayla serve week after week in the Red Light District; reaching out, speaking out and praying out to some very broken women
- sitting in the corner one night at Soul Gathering and just listening to our small choir sing with our hearts on our sleeves - magical
- painting the office for what seemed like days with Lindy, Seth, Jayla and Todd
- meeting with Eric, Todd and Lee to do Making Peace with Your Past
- Shawn faithfully doing the slides and teaching Marco to do the same
- like Eric stepping out or his comfort zone to teach Christ even when speaking in preaching wasn't his greatest gift
- like Lee walking through many valleys only to come out on the other side a stronger and more faithful servant
- like our home group growing from 6 to 8 to 14 to 22 to 38 to 8 to 14
- like watching the Oranje on the projection TV
- like helping to clean the Marnixstraat over and over and over and over
- like looking around the "old church" in what is now the office and wondering about the potential of a smal group of people wanting to change a whole city
- like looking back and thinking "WOW!"
- like stepping on the plane with my wife and 5 month old baby on August 31st, 2005 and thinking I've gained a greater life.
There is no doubt. I've gained so much from so little. Though it makes me so sad that I didn't get to say "goodbye" to the Zolder, I'm sure happy I got to experience it if even for one night. It was gezellig and warm and cozy and most of all, filled with people who wanted nothing more than to do what we called Community.
9.20.2006
a bike rack and some lunch
I've spent the last two days reliving what it meant to ride my bike from my house in the Watergrafsmeer over to Leidsekade 50, the soon to be former home of Zolder50.
I get to the bike rack. Sometimes I would see my friends locking up their bikes too. Sometimes, I'd see no one, but I'm confident others would see me - like Jurren and Steef - laughing at me for one reason or another. Other times, I would be playing a prank on Todd with the face of a doll, and at others I would be the end of the joke. I'd see Lee ride up sweating profusely from his ride (he only knows one speed on the bike - fast.) Once in awhile, I'd see Eric at the rack wondering how we missed each other on the ride. There were even the many times of talking with the neighbor about the scratches on her car caused by our church. The bike rack alone provides me with so many good memories.
My bike locked, I step away and gather my belongings. I pull out my keys and open the door to the office belting out an "hoi, FedEx..." just to get Theo to come to the door. We'd laugh and hug. Around the corner, Steef and Jurren were plugging away. Well, that's another stretch of the truth since Jurren was usually still sleeping or singing, but still. "Bpde, BPde, BPde, BPde" I would hear this at least 100 times a day from Steef. 99 of them I'd laugh.
Theo asks me to get lunch with him, so we walk back out the door, hang a right and head towards Albert Heijn, the impetus of many arguments between Steef and I about which was better - AH or Vomar. Of course he was always right, but it was still fun to argue with him about it.
Theo walked fast. For an almost 60 year old (another stretch of the truth) he had a mission - fresh bread. I loved lunch with Theo, Steef, Jurren, Lee, Brian and Seth. In fact, if I'm realistic about my memories of Amsterdam, lunch with these firends is one of top five greatest. I learned much about and from these brothers during our time together. I learned trivial things like how to eat Filet Americain and oude kaas. But, there was so much more. We shared unbelievable times at lunch. I cried on more than one occasion. I laughed on every occasion. These are memories etched to my very soul.
I get to the bike rack. Sometimes I would see my friends locking up their bikes too. Sometimes, I'd see no one, but I'm confident others would see me - like Jurren and Steef - laughing at me for one reason or another. Other times, I would be playing a prank on Todd with the face of a doll, and at others I would be the end of the joke. I'd see Lee ride up sweating profusely from his ride (he only knows one speed on the bike - fast.) Once in awhile, I'd see Eric at the rack wondering how we missed each other on the ride. There were even the many times of talking with the neighbor about the scratches on her car caused by our church. The bike rack alone provides me with so many good memories.
My bike locked, I step away and gather my belongings. I pull out my keys and open the door to the office belting out an "hoi, FedEx..." just to get Theo to come to the door. We'd laugh and hug. Around the corner, Steef and Jurren were plugging away. Well, that's another stretch of the truth since Jurren was usually still sleeping or singing, but still. "Bpde, BPde, BPde, BPde" I would hear this at least 100 times a day from Steef. 99 of them I'd laugh.
Theo asks me to get lunch with him, so we walk back out the door, hang a right and head towards Albert Heijn, the impetus of many arguments between Steef and I about which was better - AH or Vomar. Of course he was always right, but it was still fun to argue with him about it.
Theo walked fast. For an almost 60 year old (another stretch of the truth) he had a mission - fresh bread. I loved lunch with Theo, Steef, Jurren, Lee, Brian and Seth. In fact, if I'm realistic about my memories of Amsterdam, lunch with these firends is one of top five greatest. I learned much about and from these brothers during our time together. I learned trivial things like how to eat Filet Americain and oude kaas. But, there was so much more. We shared unbelievable times at lunch. I cried on more than one occasion. I laughed on every occasion. These are memories etched to my very soul.
9.19.2006
the ride over (part II)
See previous entry for Part I...
So, by now, I've crossed over the Amstel and am heading Westish towards Leidseplein. Along the way, I'm careful to stop at several major intersections where Dutch bike cops like to enforce the local bike law (especially stopping at red lights and having lights on the bike at night.) I know because I received tickets for both at the same intersection. Oh well.
I pedal in smooth strokes, well, that's stretching the truth a bit since no Dutch bike in Amsterdam really pedals that smooth - or at least not one which has never been stolen. Continuing along I approach Leidseplein, one of the best parts of the city in my opinion. Though filled with tourists and the normal tourist shops and restaurants a tourist would visit, I like it for the action. There are clubs which were once churches, movie theaters which were once outdated movie theaters. There are English Pubs and Mexican restaurants and good steakhouses. It's all a bit silly I suppose, but what I really like is the people.
It's a busy place.
The bike sign on the path tells me I'm in the right place as the columns approach on the left side. To my right is a giant poster announcing "Ray" a the feature film. There are iguana statues lining the walls of the flower garden, I don't remember how many though. I had to count them once for a treasure hunt. I still can't remember if we ever knew.
A tourist walks right in front of me. I ring my bell and chuckle at the absurdity of it all. It's funny. I love this section of the ride.
I'm almost there. It's only a couple hundred meters now until I bank left and head down Leidsekade, bank right and am at the Zolder. Cool.
So, by now, I've crossed over the Amstel and am heading Westish towards Leidseplein. Along the way, I'm careful to stop at several major intersections where Dutch bike cops like to enforce the local bike law (especially stopping at red lights and having lights on the bike at night.) I know because I received tickets for both at the same intersection. Oh well.
I pedal in smooth strokes, well, that's stretching the truth a bit since no Dutch bike in Amsterdam really pedals that smooth - or at least not one which has never been stolen. Continuing along I approach Leidseplein, one of the best parts of the city in my opinion. Though filled with tourists and the normal tourist shops and restaurants a tourist would visit, I like it for the action. There are clubs which were once churches, movie theaters which were once outdated movie theaters. There are English Pubs and Mexican restaurants and good steakhouses. It's all a bit silly I suppose, but what I really like is the people.
It's a busy place.
The bike sign on the path tells me I'm in the right place as the columns approach on the left side. To my right is a giant poster announcing "Ray" a the feature film. There are iguana statues lining the walls of the flower garden, I don't remember how many though. I had to count them once for a treasure hunt. I still can't remember if we ever knew.
A tourist walks right in front of me. I ring my bell and chuckle at the absurdity of it all. It's funny. I love this section of the ride.
I'm almost there. It's only a couple hundred meters now until I bank left and head down Leidsekade, bank right and am at the Zolder. Cool.
9.18.2006
the ride over
It is my understanding that this is one of the last weeks our wonderful and amazing church will actually hold services in the Zolder, the place we have called home for about four years. Now being so far away, I feel out of touch and distant from the situation, but somehow still feel attached to it all. It's weird to be so far away and feel so darn close.
At any rate, it's got me thinking. I'm thinking about so many things regarding the Zolder and all it's meant to me. One such memory is the ride itself.
I would turn left out my door, right up Pythagorasstraat to the canal, go left, turn right on Middeweg (where Theo Van Gogh was shot) ride up around the Tropenmuseum, over the next canal and left again right past my favorite pub - the Groene Oliphant. It was at this point that I had a mostly straight shot to the Zolder.
About half way there, I would zip past the Amstel Hotel and across a bridge which brought me to the other side of the Amstel River itself. It was in this moment that I would often slow down and absorb the view before me (see picture above.) It was a glorious and significant sight. I grew to love it. Jayla and I would sometimes pause on the bridge (usually Jayla would exclaim, "yes, I love this") and we would gaze upon the wonderful sets of canal houses that line it's shore.
I miss this view. I miss this commute. I miss the city and the bikes and people and houses and the community.
It's weird to think this commute will be gone from the memories of so many people in such a short time.
At any rate, it's got me thinking. I'm thinking about so many things regarding the Zolder and all it's meant to me. One such memory is the ride itself.
I would turn left out my door, right up Pythagorasstraat to the canal, go left, turn right on Middeweg (where Theo Van Gogh was shot) ride up around the Tropenmuseum, over the next canal and left again right past my favorite pub - the Groene Oliphant. It was at this point that I had a mostly straight shot to the Zolder.
About half way there, I would zip past the Amstel Hotel and across a bridge which brought me to the other side of the Amstel River itself. It was in this moment that I would often slow down and absorb the view before me (see picture above.) It was a glorious and significant sight. I grew to love it. Jayla and I would sometimes pause on the bridge (usually Jayla would exclaim, "yes, I love this") and we would gaze upon the wonderful sets of canal houses that line it's shore.
I miss this view. I miss this commute. I miss the city and the bikes and people and houses and the community.
It's weird to think this commute will be gone from the memories of so many people in such a short time.
9.15.2006
sometimes you can't make it on your own
I bought the U2 Vertigo Tour DVD last night. I couldn't help it. I like movies. I really do. But, concerts - wow. Concerts bring humans together for sharing if only for a moment in order to bond in music. The rhythm and the soul and jazz and the drums and guitar and the performance. These things unite people.
I especially like the song "Sometimes you can't make it on your own" as Bono comes to the front of the stage, actually takes his glasses off and belts out a tribute to his father. You look in the mirrow and see yourself. You can't make it on your own. My neither.
Maybe that's why I like the song. I realize my infirmity and that makes me humber. I need others and they need me. Is that not the essence of community. I love it.
I especially like the song "Sometimes you can't make it on your own" as Bono comes to the front of the stage, actually takes his glasses off and belts out a tribute to his father. You look in the mirrow and see yourself. You can't make it on your own. My neither.
Maybe that's why I like the song. I realize my infirmity and that makes me humber. I need others and they need me. Is that not the essence of community. I love it.
9.13.2006
a travel photo contest
I just sent this picture into a travel photo contest. It's not the typical travel photo contest, but this picture is one I love. The man is carrying a briefcase/ duffelbag standing in front of this weird parking garage in Denver. He might not be traveling far, but he is traveling. So, I'm curious to see if the judges like the weirdness over the idea that there is some beautiful place to go. Interesting anyway... I'll be laughing on my Hawaiin Cruise if I win.
9.11.2006
5 years today
I had just awoken in Fort Collins, CO. Groggy, I reached over to my cell phone which was ringing my head to wake. It was my friend Mac. "Dude, turn on the TV!" I didn't know how to respond, especially since I had no TV. "A plane just hit one of the Twin Towers in New York." What. I popped up and headed straight for the basement where my computer was online.
I immediately opened www.cnn.com and read about what Mac just told me. Refresh. Refresh. Refresh. I couldn't get the news fast enough. I was search in the news relentlessly trying to find out what was happening. Apparently, so were about 250 million other people. The internet was stuck.
I had to work.
I swallowed hard and made the long walk back upstairs to my room, got dressed and hopped in the car. The radio. I turned on the news and listened as witnesses described the smoke billowing from the Twin Towers. At this point, the other plane had already hit and both towers were damaged.
My phone rang again. My dad was on the other line. I started weeping almost uncontrollably. To this day, I'm not sure why it was this phone call that put me over the edge. I wanted to fly to NY immediately. Instead I pulled into the parking lot at work and walked upstairs to my desk.
No one was really talking, more just huddled around the few desks that had radios. Silence. I felt it so real that day. The news caster spoke of smoke and mayhem and mass confusion. Then he said the first of many shocking things that day. People were jumping out of the 90th floor of their buildings to escape the flames. The 90th floor. Tears streamed down my face.
The first tower collapsed. I sat there not thinking, only feeling. There were no words. My heart was coming through my chest. Did I know anyone working in NY. Yes. Were they OK...? I didnt' know.
Still silence. Silence. Silence. Silence. Drip. Drip. Drip, My eyes were soaked with tears.
The second tower collapsed. Silence persisted around the office as no one had anything good to say. It was surreal. 2500 miles away, something terrible and real was happening and I had no idea how to react or how to know what to do. Nothing.
I went home and just thought about the people stuck in the aftermath. I cried and cried and cried thinking of the firefighters and doctors and police officers and nurses and workers and employees. I cried and cried and cried. For three days I cried. I don't think I accomplised anything in those three days. I just read about the people and their families, about the Pentagon and the field in PA near where I went to Grad school.
These were days I'm glad to remember but that I'd love to forget.
I immediately opened www.cnn.com and read about what Mac just told me. Refresh. Refresh. Refresh. I couldn't get the news fast enough. I was search in the news relentlessly trying to find out what was happening. Apparently, so were about 250 million other people. The internet was stuck.
I had to work.
I swallowed hard and made the long walk back upstairs to my room, got dressed and hopped in the car. The radio. I turned on the news and listened as witnesses described the smoke billowing from the Twin Towers. At this point, the other plane had already hit and both towers were damaged.
My phone rang again. My dad was on the other line. I started weeping almost uncontrollably. To this day, I'm not sure why it was this phone call that put me over the edge. I wanted to fly to NY immediately. Instead I pulled into the parking lot at work and walked upstairs to my desk.
No one was really talking, more just huddled around the few desks that had radios. Silence. I felt it so real that day. The news caster spoke of smoke and mayhem and mass confusion. Then he said the first of many shocking things that day. People were jumping out of the 90th floor of their buildings to escape the flames. The 90th floor. Tears streamed down my face.
The first tower collapsed. I sat there not thinking, only feeling. There were no words. My heart was coming through my chest. Did I know anyone working in NY. Yes. Were they OK...? I didnt' know.
Still silence. Silence. Silence. Silence. Drip. Drip. Drip, My eyes were soaked with tears.
The second tower collapsed. Silence persisted around the office as no one had anything good to say. It was surreal. 2500 miles away, something terrible and real was happening and I had no idea how to react or how to know what to do. Nothing.
I went home and just thought about the people stuck in the aftermath. I cried and cried and cried thinking of the firefighters and doctors and police officers and nurses and workers and employees. I cried and cried and cried. For three days I cried. I don't think I accomplised anything in those three days. I just read about the people and their families, about the Pentagon and the field in PA near where I went to Grad school.
These were days I'm glad to remember but that I'd love to forget.
9.07.2006
too busy
i'm doing a study right now with a little group in stapleton on "trying vs. training" - it's a pretty good study though a bit shallow at times. nonetheless, it's been valuable.
yesterday was funny though. the weeks chapter and exercises were on the practice of solitude. it explained how busy we are and why we run around so much. not jesus. yeah, he's busy, but not a busybody. he takes walks and finds his resting place.
needless to say, i read the chapter in about 10 minutes during a pseudo lunchbreak. then i laughed.
yesterday was funny though. the weeks chapter and exercises were on the practice of solitude. it explained how busy we are and why we run around so much. not jesus. yeah, he's busy, but not a busybody. he takes walks and finds his resting place.
needless to say, i read the chapter in about 10 minutes during a pseudo lunchbreak. then i laughed.
9.05.2006
Reaching for More
I've been out of action for a couple weeks now, as school has started (www.scienceandtech.org) and I've been too busy to care much about my blog. Honestly, it felt kind of good not to worry about it.
I would like to think there are thousands of people out there dying to read my blog every day, but it's really only a few who check it. I aplogize to those who have not seen anything new for awhile. Hopefully, I can start posting twice or thrice a week as to create a bit more balance in my blogging habit.
Anyway, I've really enjoyed my new job and think it's close to perfect for me. There is challenge, intrigue, opportunity for learning, chance for influence and realtionship building. It's great. I struggle from time to time not knowing where my path is in the middle of this, but I'm quite certain that it's to glorify Christ at all times. I hope I can reach out my hand to those who need it and through such action, show the love that's beyond my own.
I would like to think there are thousands of people out there dying to read my blog every day, but it's really only a few who check it. I aplogize to those who have not seen anything new for awhile. Hopefully, I can start posting twice or thrice a week as to create a bit more balance in my blogging habit.
Anyway, I've really enjoyed my new job and think it's close to perfect for me. There is challenge, intrigue, opportunity for learning, chance for influence and realtionship building. It's great. I struggle from time to time not knowing where my path is in the middle of this, but I'm quite certain that it's to glorify Christ at all times. I hope I can reach out my hand to those who need it and through such action, show the love that's beyond my own.
8.18.2006
a walk and smoke
do you ever just find yourself walking. walking. but you don't know where you're going. like sometimes i'll walk to the top of the stairs thinking i need to use the bathroom and then forget why i went in. it's weird.
i mean, sometimes i really like walking aimlessly. like through a park or through the woods or around a lake with nowhere in particular to go. just going.
but to walk somewhere only to forget why you've come is annoying. i walked into my kitchen today but forgot why i was there. oh yeah, i needed to wash my glasses off in the sink.
i mean, sometimes i really like walking aimlessly. like through a park or through the woods or around a lake with nowhere in particular to go. just going.
but to walk somewhere only to forget why you've come is annoying. i walked into my kitchen today but forgot why i was there. oh yeah, i needed to wash my glasses off in the sink.
8.16.2006
the chains of greed
I know what I should do, but I do not do it. I know what I do not want to do and I do it anyway. I relate to Paul. Sin is contagious and infectious. It takes small cracks and little fissures and makes them into grand canyons and gaping crevasses. One such instance is greed.
Greed chains us to ourselves. Greed ties us unto ourselves which in the end is just selfish misery. I struggle against it everyday in the United States. It's weird you know.
When living in Amsterdam, I feel like I struggled very little against greed and coveting. Ok, well, I did. But, it's not like here. It seems everyone has a nicer car and nicer house and nicer bike, etc... and if only I had those things I'd be happier.
Of course, I know that's not true. But I want those things anyway. I want a Porshe Cayenne Turbo and a 3500 sq. ft. house and top of the line Trek. I want bigger, faster and more expensive. It's in my nature and it's something I fight against each and every day.
I'm reminded though of the great ancient philosopher, Jesus - who said you cannot worship both God and money. It's true. When focused on the desires of this world, I cannot possibly be freed to focus on the desires of my true heart, of love and grace and hope. These are only through Christ and Christ alone. It's better that way.
Greed chains us to ourselves. Greed ties us unto ourselves which in the end is just selfish misery. I struggle against it everyday in the United States. It's weird you know.
When living in Amsterdam, I feel like I struggled very little against greed and coveting. Ok, well, I did. But, it's not like here. It seems everyone has a nicer car and nicer house and nicer bike, etc... and if only I had those things I'd be happier.
Of course, I know that's not true. But I want those things anyway. I want a Porshe Cayenne Turbo and a 3500 sq. ft. house and top of the line Trek. I want bigger, faster and more expensive. It's in my nature and it's something I fight against each and every day.
I'm reminded though of the great ancient philosopher, Jesus - who said you cannot worship both God and money. It's true. When focused on the desires of this world, I cannot possibly be freed to focus on the desires of my true heart, of love and grace and hope. These are only through Christ and Christ alone. It's better that way.
8.15.2006
power of relationship
I just finished reading the Learning Leader, a great book on education reform. In it, the author talks extensively about leadership in schools and the various forms it takes. It was mostly the usual about vision and organization and process and example - all forms of leadership. But where it really struck me was in relationship.
He showed this statistic. Relationships are three times more influential in an organization that analystical skills. Think about that, three times more influential. Relationships matter.
He showed this statistic. Relationships are three times more influential in an organization that analystical skills. Think about that, three times more influential. Relationships matter.
8.14.2006
risk reward
I know it's cliched, but the greater the risk, the greater the reward. Have you heard that before...? I'm sure you have. Getting married is a great risk. Skydivng is a great risk. Having a child is a great risk. Going on a 80 mile bike ride with 9000 ft of verticl climbing is a great risk. But the rewards are almost incalcuable, if that's such a word. You get the point though. In most cases, it seems the more risk you are willing to tolerate, the more potential reward waits in the balance.
Following Jesus is a great risk. You may be persecuted. You may be mistreated. You may be hurt, damaged, pressed and crushed. But, we are promised not to be destroyed. And in that, there is great hope and great reward. The risk of following Jesus in our world is real, but the reward in eternity is unfathomable.
In this picture you see a hang glider over the Alps taking a huge risk in flight. I think you'll agree with me though, that his reward is well beyond the risk. Maybe following Jesus is too...
Following Jesus is a great risk. You may be persecuted. You may be mistreated. You may be hurt, damaged, pressed and crushed. But, we are promised not to be destroyed. And in that, there is great hope and great reward. The risk of following Jesus in our world is real, but the reward in eternity is unfathomable.
In this picture you see a hang glider over the Alps taking a huge risk in flight. I think you'll agree with me though, that his reward is well beyond the risk. Maybe following Jesus is too...
8.12.2006
Bono dropping knowledge
I stole this set of quotes from my friend Dave...like em or hate em, Bono is the real deal...
* "The most rewarding part of this past year? Selfishly, it is to wake up with a melody in my head and heart. But beyond my music it is the work we are doing on the ONE campaign."
* “I never had a problem with Christ…it was Christians that gave me problems…they seemed completely disinterested culturally and politically…they seemed very strange to me.”
* “The world works on the principle of Karma, what you put out comes back to you…but then enters the story of Grace in the person in Christ and it turned the world on it’s head.”
* “Duality is the mark of really great art…it’s what is missing in Christian art…the tension. The attempt to wrestle truth to the ground is often absent.”
* “Much of gospel music seems fake to me…pretending that everything is o.k…I relate more to the blues…that sounds like the song of David.”
* “Jesus was either a Charles Manson – a nut case…or he was who he said he was. I’m so fascinated by a child born into straw poverty. The Christmas story is a remarkable story that never ceases to amaze me.”
* “How in a world of plenty can people be left to starve? We think, ‘it’s just the way of the world’. And if it is the ‘way of the world’ we must overthrow the ‘way of the world.’”
* “Redemption is an economic term.”
* “What else are you going to do with this thing called, ‘celebrity’…it’s absolutely ridiculous…but it is currency…and I decided I was going to spend mine.”
* “What else are you going to do with this thing called, ‘celebrity’…it’s absolutely ridiculous…but it is currency…and I decided I was going to spend mine.”
* “God has made me an opportunist.”
* “Great ideas are like great melodies…they are memorable and a moral force whose time has come…and there is a movement behind them.”
* “The reason the church has been slow to respond is that the church has historically always been behind the curve: civil rights, apartheid... The church is afraid of politics…” The second reason the church has been so slow is less palatable…the church has been very judgmental about the AIDS virus…it believes that it is about people living irresponsibly. Only 6% of evangelicals felt like they were to act in response to the AIDS epidemic. But the Christ will not let the church walk away from the AIDS emergency…it’s like a car crash…we have to act. AIDS is the leprosy of our age. But then something tragic happened…the church woke up and began to act…and they ruined it for me…I couldn’t hate the church anymore.”
* “Love your neighbor is not advice…it’s a command. Should an accident of longitude and latitude really decide whether you live or whether you die? 2003 verses in scripture are about the poor, second only to personal salvation in the scriptures. Jesus speaks of judgment only once and that is the passage in Matthew where we are asked: ‘who clothed the naked?’ and ‘who fed the poor?’ and ‘who visited those in prison’? That defines whether you as part of the Kingdom or not.”
* “If the Christian church can lead this movement…it can irradiate malaria in 10 years…and then AIDS…”
* “Stop asking God to bless what you are doing…find out what God is doing – it is already blessed!”
* “This generation could end stupid poverty…we really can fix that in our generation.”
* “’Thy kingdom come on earth as it is in heaven’ is the phrase that grabs me…in every detail of our lives we need to seek that.”
* “The world is more malleable than you think.”
* "Bill has convinced me of the importance of the church as the moral and practical infrastructure for solving the worlds problems…open the doors of your churches and make them an AIDS campaign. Your charity is important, but your passion for justice is needed…I’m asking for your voice and for you to give permission to fix these problems that are fixable. It’s not a burden, it’s an opportunity…it’s an adventure.”
8.11.2006
Right in the Middle
Right in the middle - of love, of relationship, of community. That's where I want to be. It seems the middle is like a window of opportunity with so many places to reach. The middle doesn't mean the center of attention, rather it means immersed or engulfed. I think of it more like I'm swimming in love, relationship and community. When you are in a pool you can't help but to get wet.
I this in so many teaching of Christ. He wants us to be engulfed in him, to be immersed in his love and his grace - or in other words, to be fully alive in Him. There is community through him and in Him. It begs the question - is there really any other place I'd rather be...?
I this in so many teaching of Christ. He wants us to be engulfed in him, to be immersed in his love and his grace - or in other words, to be fully alive in Him. There is community through him and in Him. It begs the question - is there really any other place I'd rather be...?
8.10.2006
this one goes out to Seth
Falafel is good. Maoz falafel is good falafel.
Throughout Amsterdam, there are these great stands with large lettering - MAOZ. This was my sign to start salivating. Seriously. You walk up, "Groote Falafel alsjeblieft." That's all it takes. One sentence, three words, and within about two minutes you get to load up your warm pita with all the fixings your heart desires - carrots, lettuce, peppers, and garlic sauce. B-E-A-Utiful. I could go for one right now, but I'm about 4000 miles short.
Still, MAOZ, makes me think of Seth. I used to go there with him. We would walk from the Leidsekade, down the canal, across the street and wind our way through to the good livin. Most often, we would talk about how we weren't making any money and wondering if we ever would...? Would our wives put up with our nonsense forever...? Would we make it in Amsterdam...? Those were tough questions to deal with on a day to day basis and maybe that's why we needed the falafel fix. It was genuine and real. Once we learned the smash technique it got even better. I always left that place with a smile, a full belly and some terrible breath. Good stuff.
Seth reminds me of falafel and falafel reminds me of Seth. That's some good times.
Throughout Amsterdam, there are these great stands with large lettering - MAOZ. This was my sign to start salivating. Seriously. You walk up, "Groote Falafel alsjeblieft." That's all it takes. One sentence, three words, and within about two minutes you get to load up your warm pita with all the fixings your heart desires - carrots, lettuce, peppers, and garlic sauce. B-E-A-Utiful. I could go for one right now, but I'm about 4000 miles short.
Still, MAOZ, makes me think of Seth. I used to go there with him. We would walk from the Leidsekade, down the canal, across the street and wind our way through to the good livin. Most often, we would talk about how we weren't making any money and wondering if we ever would...? Would our wives put up with our nonsense forever...? Would we make it in Amsterdam...? Those were tough questions to deal with on a day to day basis and maybe that's why we needed the falafel fix. It was genuine and real. Once we learned the smash technique it got even better. I always left that place with a smile, a full belly and some terrible breath. Good stuff.
Seth reminds me of falafel and falafel reminds me of Seth. That's some good times.
8.09.2006
a love so beautiful
If you have kids, I hope you will know what I mean. Love. Simply. I shouldn't even write anything else. I look at him and my heart is immediately soft and alive, smiling at the moment.
He is growing so fast now. He speaks in full sentences though he doesn't use words. He runs. He runs so fast that his legs can't aways keep up. He falls. But he gets back up. He runs, arms wide into my open arms and jumps for me. It is the best of feelings.
When he sleeps he sticks his little butt in the air and folds his arms underneath his chest to stay warm. It doesn't look comfortable to me. I've tried it and only lasted a couple minutes. He likes it though. Sometimes I go in his room at night and watch him sleep. I peer through the rails that make up his bed and just stare. I cry once in awhile overwhelmed by him. He was so little and helpless. Now he is getting so big and independent. He's still only 16 months.
He tries to use a spoon and fork. He eats cantaloupe like I do. He pushes a little play cart around pretending he's on an important mission. He quacks like a duck and roars like a lion. He plays non-stop with the energy of ten grown men.
He fell asleep on my back while hiking the other day. I loved it. His head rested against me neck as I tried my best to walk smoothly over decidedly uneven terrain. He must not have noticed though.
He hugs me. He gives me open mouth kisses. He loves me and I love him too and it's so, so beautiful.
He is growing so fast now. He speaks in full sentences though he doesn't use words. He runs. He runs so fast that his legs can't aways keep up. He falls. But he gets back up. He runs, arms wide into my open arms and jumps for me. It is the best of feelings.
When he sleeps he sticks his little butt in the air and folds his arms underneath his chest to stay warm. It doesn't look comfortable to me. I've tried it and only lasted a couple minutes. He likes it though. Sometimes I go in his room at night and watch him sleep. I peer through the rails that make up his bed and just stare. I cry once in awhile overwhelmed by him. He was so little and helpless. Now he is getting so big and independent. He's still only 16 months.
He tries to use a spoon and fork. He eats cantaloupe like I do. He pushes a little play cart around pretending he's on an important mission. He quacks like a duck and roars like a lion. He plays non-stop with the energy of ten grown men.
He fell asleep on my back while hiking the other day. I loved it. His head rested against me neck as I tried my best to walk smoothly over decidedly uneven terrain. He must not have noticed though.
He hugs me. He gives me open mouth kisses. He loves me and I love him too and it's so, so beautiful.
8.08.2006
brightness in the woods
So, I was reading Total Truth last night by Nancy Pearcey. I was astounded yet again by the idea of two things:
1) There is a Total Truth. As much as the society in which we live fights against such a notion, it is there and it is real. It is Christ. He was born of a virgin named Mary, conceived by God as his only son. He lived a righteous life unincumbered by the death of sin. He related to us in mind, body and spirit. He was beaten, tortured and whipped because he spoke and lived the Truth. He died. But, he rose again to wipe away every tear from the eye of the human race. Sin cannot and no longer will overcome. Jesus has.
2) As a Christians we are called not only to stand out against the backdrop of culture in which we live and grow, but also to dramatically change the worldview in which our society sees. It is not just about the individual affecting change; it is about the community of believers putting on a different set of glassed through which to see. The glasses are tinted with grace, hope and love, all of which come from the glory of Christ.
This is some great stuff.
1) There is a Total Truth. As much as the society in which we live fights against such a notion, it is there and it is real. It is Christ. He was born of a virgin named Mary, conceived by God as his only son. He lived a righteous life unincumbered by the death of sin. He related to us in mind, body and spirit. He was beaten, tortured and whipped because he spoke and lived the Truth. He died. But, he rose again to wipe away every tear from the eye of the human race. Sin cannot and no longer will overcome. Jesus has.
2) As a Christians we are called not only to stand out against the backdrop of culture in which we live and grow, but also to dramatically change the worldview in which our society sees. It is not just about the individual affecting change; it is about the community of believers putting on a different set of glassed through which to see. The glasses are tinted with grace, hope and love, all of which come from the glory of Christ.
This is some great stuff.
8.07.2006
leaving the concrete jungle behind
I've been posting many times in the past year about how much I miss Amsterdam and indeed I do. The city has cast its spell on my in a very real and relevant way.
Sometimes though, I am grateful to be somewhere else - Colorado. Jayla and I went hiking yesterday on the Lower Maxwell Falls Trail outside of Evergreen, Colorado with our friends Joe and Shelley, our boys (Asher and Jay) and our two dogs (Leo and Hali). Living in Amsterdam, I often missed the "great outdoors" and the escape it provides from the madness of city or suburban living. Yesterday was just such an escape.
It took us less than 45 minutes to get from my house in east Denver to the trailhead southwest of Evergreen. As we tied up our shoes, loaded the boys into backpacks and leashed the dogs, I realized we were in for a great adventure. Entering the forest of tall pines, we walked slowly through glorious scents of pine and moss. Trees all around us were reaching heavenward grasping for pieces of light left for them by those above. Ferns, wildflowers and fingerlings graced formed a green ground cover so pleasantly reminiscint of my days hiking in the mountains of North Carolina. It has just rained for three straight days, so the typical dry Colorado climate had been replaced by a more temperate, moist one with even a touch of humidity in the air.
We meandered along the trail gazing left and right, up and down interupted only by the occasional whimper of one of the boys asking for something to drink or eat. Leo and Hali were zigzagging back and forth frolicking in the beautiful playland they were meant to roam. It was the outdoors.
I miss Amsterdam alright, but it sure was great to be in the woods.
Sometimes though, I am grateful to be somewhere else - Colorado. Jayla and I went hiking yesterday on the Lower Maxwell Falls Trail outside of Evergreen, Colorado with our friends Joe and Shelley, our boys (Asher and Jay) and our two dogs (Leo and Hali). Living in Amsterdam, I often missed the "great outdoors" and the escape it provides from the madness of city or suburban living. Yesterday was just such an escape.
It took us less than 45 minutes to get from my house in east Denver to the trailhead southwest of Evergreen. As we tied up our shoes, loaded the boys into backpacks and leashed the dogs, I realized we were in for a great adventure. Entering the forest of tall pines, we walked slowly through glorious scents of pine and moss. Trees all around us were reaching heavenward grasping for pieces of light left for them by those above. Ferns, wildflowers and fingerlings graced formed a green ground cover so pleasantly reminiscint of my days hiking in the mountains of North Carolina. It has just rained for three straight days, so the typical dry Colorado climate had been replaced by a more temperate, moist one with even a touch of humidity in the air.
We meandered along the trail gazing left and right, up and down interupted only by the occasional whimper of one of the boys asking for something to drink or eat. Leo and Hali were zigzagging back and forth frolicking in the beautiful playland they were meant to roam. It was the outdoors.
I miss Amsterdam alright, but it sure was great to be in the woods.
8.04.2006
learning God through son
I learned something about the Lord Almoghty today.
I caught a glimpse of how the God must feel when bad things happen to us, whether provoked or unprovoked. This morning, after finishing making some pancakes for myself and Asher, I turned from the stove to put something in the sink. And, as I turned back around towards the stove, it was just in time to see Asher reaching for the griddle, which was still very hot. It was a "matrix" moment as if everything went into slow motion. I realized what was about to happen, but could do nothing to stop it.
Asher reached up and wrapped his precious little fingers over the edge of the griddle and for what seemed like a lifetime, held on. I'm sure it wasn't more than a tenth of a second., but it was long enough that in that time he was gasping for breath as the pain registered from the ends of his fingertips, up his little arms, through his nervous system and into his brain, where millions of little pain receptors sounded an alarm all at once.
Both Asher and I were frightened and hurt. His pain was tangible and physical - real. My pain was just as real, only it struck me deep within my heart. I had just witnessed my son learn something very important - HOT. I took the necessary steps to ease the pain - running his hand under cold water, applying burn cream and most importantly holding on tight. I held him as he screamed and screamed as I have held never before. He was me. For that moment, nothing in the world - nothing - could have separated me from this little boy. As much as the water and the cream helped, I think he too wanted nothing more than to be close - a hug, a tight hug. He wanted love.
Through this unfortunate even in our house this morning, I learned something ever so important. I am loved just the same by an eternal Father. He sees me do things both in accident and on purpose and he doesn't stop me. But he helps me through. And, in those moments of greatest need it sure does feel good to be loved.
I caught a glimpse of how the God must feel when bad things happen to us, whether provoked or unprovoked. This morning, after finishing making some pancakes for myself and Asher, I turned from the stove to put something in the sink. And, as I turned back around towards the stove, it was just in time to see Asher reaching for the griddle, which was still very hot. It was a "matrix" moment as if everything went into slow motion. I realized what was about to happen, but could do nothing to stop it.
Asher reached up and wrapped his precious little fingers over the edge of the griddle and for what seemed like a lifetime, held on. I'm sure it wasn't more than a tenth of a second., but it was long enough that in that time he was gasping for breath as the pain registered from the ends of his fingertips, up his little arms, through his nervous system and into his brain, where millions of little pain receptors sounded an alarm all at once.
Both Asher and I were frightened and hurt. His pain was tangible and physical - real. My pain was just as real, only it struck me deep within my heart. I had just witnessed my son learn something very important - HOT. I took the necessary steps to ease the pain - running his hand under cold water, applying burn cream and most importantly holding on tight. I held him as he screamed and screamed as I have held never before. He was me. For that moment, nothing in the world - nothing - could have separated me from this little boy. As much as the water and the cream helped, I think he too wanted nothing more than to be close - a hug, a tight hug. He wanted love.
Through this unfortunate even in our house this morning, I learned something ever so important. I am loved just the same by an eternal Father. He sees me do things both in accident and on purpose and he doesn't stop me. But he helps me through. And, in those moments of greatest need it sure does feel good to be loved.
8.03.2006
growing weary and tired
in relating to a post from a couple days ago about mystery, i have contemplated about it yet again. this following passage is one of the best known in the Bible and one of my favorite nevertheless:
28 Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.
29 He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.
30 Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
31 but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.
and what strikes me most going through it this time is actually two things. first, we cannot fathom God's wisdom and understanding. we cannot. not we can almost which is good enough or we are pretty smart too, but we cannot. my problem with this is that i continue to try over and over and over and over to be God. I want his knowledge, not too unlike adam and eve. i hate admitting this. i want to know the answers though. but i cannot.
secondly, something slightly new popped out at me in regards to my relationship with the Almighty. i could be wrong, but i don't think He ever guarantees a free ride through life. his grace abundantly covers us and he washes our garments clean as the driven snow. but never, does he say, "all will be gone, here is a free ride." no, it's quite the opposite actually. instead, he commends us in our suffering and trials and hardships and tells us "though life is hard, I will be with you and give you strength." he gives us what we need to make it through the valleys of life rather than what we need to skirt around them. it's a wild thing really. we are not meant to run from life and but to live it to the full and in doing so, have the strength of Christ himself living in us. wow.
28 Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.
29 He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.
30 Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
31 but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.
and what strikes me most going through it this time is actually two things. first, we cannot fathom God's wisdom and understanding. we cannot. not we can almost which is good enough or we are pretty smart too, but we cannot. my problem with this is that i continue to try over and over and over and over to be God. I want his knowledge, not too unlike adam and eve. i hate admitting this. i want to know the answers though. but i cannot.
secondly, something slightly new popped out at me in regards to my relationship with the Almighty. i could be wrong, but i don't think He ever guarantees a free ride through life. his grace abundantly covers us and he washes our garments clean as the driven snow. but never, does he say, "all will be gone, here is a free ride." no, it's quite the opposite actually. instead, he commends us in our suffering and trials and hardships and tells us "though life is hard, I will be with you and give you strength." he gives us what we need to make it through the valleys of life rather than what we need to skirt around them. it's a wild thing really. we are not meant to run from life and but to live it to the full and in doing so, have the strength of Christ himself living in us. wow.
8.02.2006
toil in vain
" ... my chosen shall long enjoy the work of their hands. They shall not labor in vain" (Isaiah 65:22-23)
There is a great article on Sojourners right now about the minimum wage. This stuff really rattles my cage. Check it out:
Minimum wage double-cross in Congress
by Yonce Shelton
There is a great article on Sojourners right now about the minimum wage. This stuff really rattles my cage. Check it out:
Minimum wage double-cross in Congress
by Yonce Shelton
8.01.2006
Good friends and a toast
sometimes when i'm lonely i think of my brothers and sisters in amsterdam. i miss them dearly. for three years, we were intertwined, like morning glory growing up the nearly fence. wrapping, curling, twisting together. we knew each other in a way which few people do.
they are still there, well most of them and i'm not. not physically anyway. i'm with them though. there is nothing like a friendship to kindle warm thoughts of the heart. nothing quite like it at all. i'm warm inside from the times i shared with them - linda, lee, patricia, chris, eva, eric, leslie and todd. there are many more, but these are those in the picture. and i'm learning that there is no friendship that can quite copare to those which are celebrated through serving together for the sake of christ. nothing.
all of a sudden, i'm in fellowship with the apostle paul who so steadfastly prayed for and encouraged his brothers and sisters in places like ephesis and greece and rome and phlippi. in some small way, i too hope to be an encouragement for those still serving dutifully in amsterdam.
i pray for you, my spiritual family, that you may understand the depths of christ's love. i pray that you will use the amazing power of the gospel to its full in reaching those who not yet know the riches of grace in abundance. i have no doubts that you will steadfastly and diligently walk through many valleys in order that you will find a resting place high upon the hills, where the view is nothing short of splendor. keep on keepin on my friends. i love you.
they are still there, well most of them and i'm not. not physically anyway. i'm with them though. there is nothing like a friendship to kindle warm thoughts of the heart. nothing quite like it at all. i'm warm inside from the times i shared with them - linda, lee, patricia, chris, eva, eric, leslie and todd. there are many more, but these are those in the picture. and i'm learning that there is no friendship that can quite copare to those which are celebrated through serving together for the sake of christ. nothing.
all of a sudden, i'm in fellowship with the apostle paul who so steadfastly prayed for and encouraged his brothers and sisters in places like ephesis and greece and rome and phlippi. in some small way, i too hope to be an encouragement for those still serving dutifully in amsterdam.
i pray for you, my spiritual family, that you may understand the depths of christ's love. i pray that you will use the amazing power of the gospel to its full in reaching those who not yet know the riches of grace in abundance. i have no doubts that you will steadfastly and diligently walk through many valleys in order that you will find a resting place high upon the hills, where the view is nothing short of splendor. keep on keepin on my friends. i love you.
7.31.2006
a mystery gained...
i feel like i need to know. lots of things i mean. like mysteries - i like mysteries. but i only like them when i get to find out what happens in the end. that's why i think i have a hard time sometimes with regards to my faith. it's a mystery. and though i know what i believe and i know what i think i know, i don't necessary believe what i know.
so for example, i believe in the following (otherwise known as the apostles creed):
I believe in God, the Father Almighty,
the Creator of heaven and earth,
and in Jesus Christ, His only Son, our Lord:
Who was conceived of the Holy Spirit,
born of the Virgin Mary,
suffered under Pontius Pilate,
was crucified, died, and was buried.
He descended into hell.
The third day He arose again from the dead.
He ascended into heaven
and sits at the right hand of God the Father Almighty,
whence He shall come to judge the living and the dead.
I believe in the Holy Spirit, the holy catholic church,
the communion of saints,
the forgiveness of sins,
the resurrection of the body,
and life everlasting.
Amen.
and i know these things are true because i read them in the bible, because the longing in my heart shows me the truth and becuase experience tells me so. and yet, there is still so much left to mystery, a mystery in which i can believe in the ending and know it's true, but i won't experience it for awhile.
this is hard for me.
it's not like the end of a movie when you know the mystery will end, or at the end of american idol when they boot someone off the show. you get to know the end. you solve the mystery. maybe i'm a product of the modern world - i want things now. i don't want to wait for the mystery to be unveiled. the mystery of life. the mystery of christ.
but i was reading in colossians a day or two ago and was comforted. read if for yourself. the mystery in which i place my hope is not of this world or of this time or of this place. the mystery is eternal love and sufficient grace and unbreakable hope - it is CHRIST.
Now I rejoice in what was suffered for you, and I fill up in my flesh what is still lacking in regard to Christ's afflictions, for the sake of his body, which is the church. I have become its servant by the commission God gave me to present to you the word of God in its fullness— the mystery that has been kept hidden for ages and generations, but is now disclosed to the saints. To them God has chosen to make known among the Gentiles the glorious riches of this mystery, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory.
We proclaim him, admonishing and teaching everyone with all wisdom, so that we may present everyone perfect in Christ. To this end I labor, struggling with all his energy, which so powerfully works in me.
I want you to know how much I am struggling for you and for those at Laodicea, and for all who have not met me personally. My purpose is that they may be encouraged in heart and united in love, so that they may have the full riches of complete understanding, in order that they may know the mystery of God, namely, Christ, in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge.
Colossians 1:24-2:3
so for example, i believe in the following (otherwise known as the apostles creed):
I believe in God, the Father Almighty,
the Creator of heaven and earth,
and in Jesus Christ, His only Son, our Lord:
Who was conceived of the Holy Spirit,
born of the Virgin Mary,
suffered under Pontius Pilate,
was crucified, died, and was buried.
He descended into hell.
The third day He arose again from the dead.
He ascended into heaven
and sits at the right hand of God the Father Almighty,
whence He shall come to judge the living and the dead.
I believe in the Holy Spirit, the holy catholic church,
the communion of saints,
the forgiveness of sins,
the resurrection of the body,
and life everlasting.
Amen.
and i know these things are true because i read them in the bible, because the longing in my heart shows me the truth and becuase experience tells me so. and yet, there is still so much left to mystery, a mystery in which i can believe in the ending and know it's true, but i won't experience it for awhile.
this is hard for me.
it's not like the end of a movie when you know the mystery will end, or at the end of american idol when they boot someone off the show. you get to know the end. you solve the mystery. maybe i'm a product of the modern world - i want things now. i don't want to wait for the mystery to be unveiled. the mystery of life. the mystery of christ.
but i was reading in colossians a day or two ago and was comforted. read if for yourself. the mystery in which i place my hope is not of this world or of this time or of this place. the mystery is eternal love and sufficient grace and unbreakable hope - it is CHRIST.
Now I rejoice in what was suffered for you, and I fill up in my flesh what is still lacking in regard to Christ's afflictions, for the sake of his body, which is the church. I have become its servant by the commission God gave me to present to you the word of God in its fullness— the mystery that has been kept hidden for ages and generations, but is now disclosed to the saints. To them God has chosen to make known among the Gentiles the glorious riches of this mystery, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory.
We proclaim him, admonishing and teaching everyone with all wisdom, so that we may present everyone perfect in Christ. To this end I labor, struggling with all his energy, which so powerfully works in me.
I want you to know how much I am struggling for you and for those at Laodicea, and for all who have not met me personally. My purpose is that they may be encouraged in heart and united in love, so that they may have the full riches of complete understanding, in order that they may know the mystery of God, namely, Christ, in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge.
Colossians 1:24-2:3
7.27.2006
$1318 per second
Are you serious...? This is rediculous.
Exxon Mobil makes over $10 billion
No. 1 U.S. oil company earns $1,318 a second -topping forecasts - but comes in just shy of a record.
By Steve Hargreaves, CNNMoney.com staff writer
July 27 2006: 10:09 AM EDT
NEW YORK (CNNMoney.com) -- Profits at Exxon Mobil surged 36 percent to a near record $10.4 billion in the second quarter as surging oil prices helped the world's largest publicly traded company soundly beat Wall Street forecasts.
The company's profit - which amounts to a cool $1,318 a second - is the second biggest ever reported by a U.S. company, behind only the $10.7 billion Exxon itself earned in the fourth quarter of 2005.
Big oil dominates
One look at the largest corporations in the world and a single conclusion jumps out: Natural resources are driving the global economy as never before.
PO'd at the pump
Some small business owners are turning their frustration over high oil and gas prices into big bucks.
Big Oil's pain
While record prices have produced record profits, they have also helped make crude a lot more expensive to pump.
The earnings equaled $1.72 a share, topping the $1.64 a share analysts had forecast on average, according to First Call.
The $1,318 a second would buy enough gasoline, even at the current $3 a gallon average, to drive a Hummer H3 between Los Angeles and New York three times.
New York-based Exxon Mobil caught considerable flack from the general public for its record fourth quarter, which came soon after gasoline prices hit record highs.
Compounding matters, the company gave its outgoing CEO Lee Raymond a retirement package worth about $350 million around the same time.
That combination of events led to a public outcry calling for restrictions to CEO pay, and from lawmakers who wanted to institute a windfall profits tax on the oil industry or even break up some of the oil giants that merged in the 1990s.
But the industry says that oil prices fluctuate widely over time and that, in the long run, it's actually less profitable than a number of other industries.
Officials have also argued against a government-forced break up, saying oil companies need to be big to compete in a global market against foreign state-run firms, some of which are larger than Exxon Mobil.
Surging oil prices helped Exxon in the quarter, when crude prices jumped 31 percent.
Exxon said spending on exploration and production rose 8 percent in the quarter, to $4.9 billion.
That may be good news for investors, who have been concerned that high oil prices would lead to company to boost spending even further.
But it might be bad news for consumers hoping that more oil on the market would help lower gas prices.
Industry experts say that it's getting increasingly expensive for oil companies to get easily refinable crude oil out of the ground.
At the same time, high prices have led to surging demand for exploration and drilling equipment, and workers, causing the price of such services to jump roughly 15 percent a year over the last several years, industry executives and analysts say.
Then there's the geological fact that new, large, high-quality oil fields are simply getting harder to find.
Meanwhile, new production hasn't kept pace with surging demand - not only from the United States, but from China, India and other rapidly growing economies - which has driven prices up nearly fourfold, from around $20 a barrel in early 2002 to a trading high of $78.40 earlier this month on the New York Mercantile Exchange.
Tensions in the Middle East and other parts of the world and speculative buying by big investment funds has also helped fuel the runup.
Exxon Mobil makes over $10 billion
No. 1 U.S. oil company earns $1,318 a second -topping forecasts - but comes in just shy of a record.
By Steve Hargreaves, CNNMoney.com staff writer
July 27 2006: 10:09 AM EDT
NEW YORK (CNNMoney.com) -- Profits at Exxon Mobil surged 36 percent to a near record $10.4 billion in the second quarter as surging oil prices helped the world's largest publicly traded company soundly beat Wall Street forecasts.
The company's profit - which amounts to a cool $1,318 a second - is the second biggest ever reported by a U.S. company, behind only the $10.7 billion Exxon itself earned in the fourth quarter of 2005.
Big oil dominates
One look at the largest corporations in the world and a single conclusion jumps out: Natural resources are driving the global economy as never before.
PO'd at the pump
Some small business owners are turning their frustration over high oil and gas prices into big bucks.
Big Oil's pain
While record prices have produced record profits, they have also helped make crude a lot more expensive to pump.
The earnings equaled $1.72 a share, topping the $1.64 a share analysts had forecast on average, according to First Call.
The $1,318 a second would buy enough gasoline, even at the current $3 a gallon average, to drive a Hummer H3 between Los Angeles and New York three times.
New York-based Exxon Mobil caught considerable flack from the general public for its record fourth quarter, which came soon after gasoline prices hit record highs.
Compounding matters, the company gave its outgoing CEO Lee Raymond a retirement package worth about $350 million around the same time.
That combination of events led to a public outcry calling for restrictions to CEO pay, and from lawmakers who wanted to institute a windfall profits tax on the oil industry or even break up some of the oil giants that merged in the 1990s.
But the industry says that oil prices fluctuate widely over time and that, in the long run, it's actually less profitable than a number of other industries.
Officials have also argued against a government-forced break up, saying oil companies need to be big to compete in a global market against foreign state-run firms, some of which are larger than Exxon Mobil.
Surging oil prices helped Exxon in the quarter, when crude prices jumped 31 percent.
Exxon said spending on exploration and production rose 8 percent in the quarter, to $4.9 billion.
That may be good news for investors, who have been concerned that high oil prices would lead to company to boost spending even further.
But it might be bad news for consumers hoping that more oil on the market would help lower gas prices.
Industry experts say that it's getting increasingly expensive for oil companies to get easily refinable crude oil out of the ground.
At the same time, high prices have led to surging demand for exploration and drilling equipment, and workers, causing the price of such services to jump roughly 15 percent a year over the last several years, industry executives and analysts say.
Then there's the geological fact that new, large, high-quality oil fields are simply getting harder to find.
Meanwhile, new production hasn't kept pace with surging demand - not only from the United States, but from China, India and other rapidly growing economies - which has driven prices up nearly fourfold, from around $20 a barrel in early 2002 to a trading high of $78.40 earlier this month on the New York Mercantile Exchange.
Tensions in the Middle East and other parts of the world and speculative buying by big investment funds has also helped fuel the runup.
7.26.2006
way too fat!!!!
Check out this article about obesity in America. This is crazy:
Study: More Americans too fat for X-rays, scans
It's especially crazy cause my next door neighbor was just telling me about how in New Orleans he had to use extra long needles on some people to get the epideral into the spine - because they were too fat. Yikes
Study: More Americans too fat for X-rays, scans
It's especially crazy cause my next door neighbor was just telling me about how in New Orleans he had to use extra long needles on some people to get the epideral into the spine - because they were too fat. Yikes
7.25.2006
7.12.2006
Photo Wednesday
I haven't posted in quite some time now, but I thought I'd come back with some shots of my recent road trip to Durango, CO. What a beautiful drive. If you ever get the chance - take a ride to Durango.
6.27.2006
character over personality
It has been impressing on my for quite some time now - character is much more important than personality. Well, I'm reading the "7 Habits of Highly Effective People" right now and it's only confirming my conviction on this. Covey speaks candidly about the differences between CHARACTER ETHICS and PERSONALITY ETHICS. I don't have time to explain here so maybe you could pick up the book, but it's some good stuff. Here are a few quotes in relation the the aforementined subject of character versus personality.
It becomes obvious that if we want to make relatively minor changes in our lives, we can perhaps appropriately focus on our attitudes and behaviors (personality). But if we want to make significant, quantum change, we need to work on our character.
In the words of Thoreau, "For every thousand hacking at the leaves of evil, there is one striking at the root." We can only achieve quantum improvements in our lives when we quit hacking at the leaves of attitude and behavior and get to work on the root, the paradigm from which our attitudes and behaviors flow.
Jesus probably couldn't agree more.
It becomes obvious that if we want to make relatively minor changes in our lives, we can perhaps appropriately focus on our attitudes and behaviors (personality). But if we want to make significant, quantum change, we need to work on our character.
In the words of Thoreau, "For every thousand hacking at the leaves of evil, there is one striking at the root." We can only achieve quantum improvements in our lives when we quit hacking at the leaves of attitude and behavior and get to work on the root, the paradigm from which our attitudes and behaviors flow.
Jesus probably couldn't agree more.
6.26.2006
more nature...
I was another ride this past Friday around Evergreen which is in the foothills surrounding Denver. It was a 60 mile ride with 6000 feet of climbing. Awesome. I saw tons of wildlife again. It was beautiful!
Bull Elk
Mule Deer
Hummingbird
Buffalo
Bull Elk
Mule Deer
Hummingbird
Buffalo
6.22.2006
a link to some thoughts about church
In my friend Todd's blog he posted today about Thoughts on Church. His thoughts are summarized from a book called Houses That Change the World, by Wolfgang Simpson.
I like these thoughts, especially in regard to the general point that today's church (and when I say so, I mean the Western Culture version and I mean, in general) is ME oriented. It's about the individual. The individual salvation. The individual membership. The individual worship. It's kind of funny, because in the middle of this ME-centric church world is the desire for churches to grow Super-sized. the first question is always, "well, how many people come...?" or "how many have been saved...?" Are these the right questions.
No.
These are the by products of something engrained in people by Western Church. How Big...? How fast...? How many...?
Shouldn't the questions be more like... what are you doing to equip believers...? what are you doing to help people grow in the knowledge of God...? what is your missional value system...? If these questions don't all have the same answer, then we are going down the wrong path. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. It's not because I think so, because honestly, it doesn't matter what I think. It matters because Jesus tells us so.
The Great Command. The Great Commission. The new Command. Simple. Jesus.
I like these thoughts, especially in regard to the general point that today's church (and when I say so, I mean the Western Culture version and I mean, in general) is ME oriented. It's about the individual. The individual salvation. The individual membership. The individual worship. It's kind of funny, because in the middle of this ME-centric church world is the desire for churches to grow Super-sized. the first question is always, "well, how many people come...?" or "how many have been saved...?" Are these the right questions.
No.
These are the by products of something engrained in people by Western Church. How Big...? How fast...? How many...?
Shouldn't the questions be more like... what are you doing to equip believers...? what are you doing to help people grow in the knowledge of God...? what is your missional value system...? If these questions don't all have the same answer, then we are going down the wrong path. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. It's not because I think so, because honestly, it doesn't matter what I think. It matters because Jesus tells us so.
The Great Command. The Great Commission. The new Command. Simple. Jesus.
6.20.2006
refugee allstars...
It's World Refugee Day... check out details at
Amnesty International
UNICEF
Human Rights Watch
Here is a good article about the refugee crisis in Africa at present... and an excerpt...
ENTEBBE, Uganda (CNN) -- Just imagine for a moment that everything you own -- from your hard-earned money to your home to your car to little mementos like pictures on the wall -- has just been taken from you by a group of people who don't like the way you look or the shade of your skin or the shape of your nose. Everything gone except, perhaps, the clothes on your back.
You've been forced to flee, probably separated from your family and end up on the run with a bunch of people you've never met, but with whom you now share a common goal -- staying alive.
Many hours or even days later, you arrive at a shelter run by an international nongovernmental organization.
You're tired, exhausted, sick to your stomach and scared to death. You end up sharing a tent with 40 to 60 other strangers where your bathroom, bedroom and kitchen combined have all been reduced to little more than the size of a normal bed.
And this will be your home for the next few months, perhaps years, and in some cases, decades. This is what it's like for a person fleeing persecution, war, civil strife, genocide.
Imagine living like this for years if not decades, raising your family in a refugee camp because you can't go home. Even if you do manage to go home, you learn someone else has taken over your land, your home, your life.
Amnesty International
UNICEF
Human Rights Watch
Here is a good article about the refugee crisis in Africa at present... and an excerpt...
ENTEBBE, Uganda (CNN) -- Just imagine for a moment that everything you own -- from your hard-earned money to your home to your car to little mementos like pictures on the wall -- has just been taken from you by a group of people who don't like the way you look or the shade of your skin or the shape of your nose. Everything gone except, perhaps, the clothes on your back.
You've been forced to flee, probably separated from your family and end up on the run with a bunch of people you've never met, but with whom you now share a common goal -- staying alive.
Many hours or even days later, you arrive at a shelter run by an international nongovernmental organization.
You're tired, exhausted, sick to your stomach and scared to death. You end up sharing a tent with 40 to 60 other strangers where your bathroom, bedroom and kitchen combined have all been reduced to little more than the size of a normal bed.
And this will be your home for the next few months, perhaps years, and in some cases, decades. This is what it's like for a person fleeing persecution, war, civil strife, genocide.
Imagine living like this for years if not decades, raising your family in a refugee camp because you can't go home. Even if you do manage to go home, you learn someone else has taken over your land, your home, your life.
6.19.2006
the most controversial film ever...
The Passion was just listed by Entertainment Weekly as the most controversial film of all time. It shouldn't surprise me though as Jesus himself predicted the very same thing (well, not about the movie, but about following him.)
6.15.2006
What am I doing...?
I ask this question, because this is again the question I am asking myself almost constantly over the past few days (and for that matter few years). I think in its own way, the World Cup has brought up yet another challenging idea to me. What I'm seeing about the beauty of soccer, I mean football, and indeed why it's the world's game, is because all races, all creeds and all income levels play this stinkin game. There is no race barrier, no income barrier and no country barrier. It's for everyone. You don't need an expensive bike like in cycling. You don't need to shell out $30 every time you want to play like in golf. You don't need skis, and boots and poles and $100, like everytime you want to go skiing. You don't need to have shoulder pads or goalposts or hoops or ice or snow or water. You just need some land and a ball or a coconut. Barefeet. No problem. No money. No problem. You, some friends, some space and some make shift goals. Game on.
What it makes me realize is that I want my life to be like football, the world's game. I want my life to reflect a simplicity of action and thought which excludes no one. I don't want race, ethnicity, economics or politics to ever separate me from someone else. I think of the U2 line "where we live should not determine whether we live or die."
And, yet I want that simplicity to also reflect a passion and intensity that draws others in. Have you seen the fans at the World Cup... insane. I want people to be attracted to a lifestyle not my own, but of a greater love. The passion I dream others see in me is the passion gained through a philosophy and lifestyle of following Christ. I think of the rich man who asked Jesus what it takes to enter the Kingdom of God and Jesus simply answered. "Go and sell all your possessions and come follow me." Wow.
So, anyway, I'm just thinking. What can I do to seperate myself from the politics of this world and start living in such a way that is to live... fully alive I mean...? Or, as Paul puts it "to live is Christ and to die is gain."
What it makes me realize is that I want my life to be like football, the world's game. I want my life to reflect a simplicity of action and thought which excludes no one. I don't want race, ethnicity, economics or politics to ever separate me from someone else. I think of the U2 line "where we live should not determine whether we live or die."
And, yet I want that simplicity to also reflect a passion and intensity that draws others in. Have you seen the fans at the World Cup... insane. I want people to be attracted to a lifestyle not my own, but of a greater love. The passion I dream others see in me is the passion gained through a philosophy and lifestyle of following Christ. I think of the rich man who asked Jesus what it takes to enter the Kingdom of God and Jesus simply answered. "Go and sell all your possessions and come follow me." Wow.
So, anyway, I'm just thinking. What can I do to seperate myself from the politics of this world and start living in such a way that is to live... fully alive I mean...? Or, as Paul puts it "to live is Christ and to die is gain."
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